Rocky, Lost our cat Options

[Dave]

Just wanted to tell you about my cat Rocky, he had undiagnosed heart disease and suffered a blood clot(Saddle Thrombus).
He was 13.

He suddenly dragged his back legs around and was in a lot of pain. We elected to have treatment at the vets to see if he could recover. He was in the vets for 2 days but died there.

He had a tooth extracted when he was 11, he had blood tests and follow up but nothing was found.

He missed his last annual check up, he used to get very stressed travelling and i thought he was fine after the previous blood tests xrays etc. He seemed healthy and happy.
I know now that this was a devastating mistake and one that will live with me forever.
I can't get over it though, it's a thought that never leaves my brain. Why didn't I take him to be checked? They may have found a murmur and we would have then had him scanned and medicated.
Maybe he would still be here? At least we would have known.

He showed a subtle change the night before he had the clot when he wouldn't initially come in for dinner, but he came in and ate as normal. He didn't display any symptoms as far as I could tell.

His brother Ziggy was scanned because of the genetic link to the disease, but thankfully was clear.

The vet said that HCM is tough to treat in cats and has variable outcomes. I wonder how he would have dealt with the multiple vet visits and the meds and the stress that would have meant for him. He got lots of treats as well and would have had to give them up.

The thing is, this happened on 25th July, 6 and a half months ago. I am disabled so I have long days of thinking, crying and regret. I spend way too much time on the internet researching what we could have done.

Two months after his passing, my girlfriend's brother had to give up his cat as he was moving and cats protection wouldn't take her, she is 5. We took her in and I believe her life will be much better with us as she was underweight and had had a tough start to life.(She even got her first ever scratch post!)
My girlfriend has a busy job and I think has found it easier to deal with being busy.
He was such a HUGE part of my life, and I'm still struggling to cope. He was my guy and I let him down.
If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept(probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much.

I think my girlfriend is concerned that I haven't moved on at all(although some days are better than others), and maybe is a bit worried that I'm getting a little depressed. I try to pretend that today was a good day when she comes home but sometimes the eyes give you away.
It was suggested that it might help to write things down and maybe have some counselling.
I am a little embarrassed to post this as I find it hard to put out my feelings.
Thanks for reading and understanding.

Attached image(s)

 

[Dave]

I want to say my heart goes out to you all. To those that have lost your best friends or are going through very tough decisions.

If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.

I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.

I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.

Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"

So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.

So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!

Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)

Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?

I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.

Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.

Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.

Rocky


Ziggy


Nala


Bella

[ABT]

I want to say my heart goes out to you all. To those that have lost your best friends or are going through very tough decisions.

If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.

I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.

I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.

Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"

So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.

So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!

Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)

Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?

I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.

Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.

Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.

Rocky


Ziggy


Nala


Bella

You obviously loved Rocky with all your heart. I'm sure he has that in his heart, in spirit. All your babies look much loved.