I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[Brutus]

I sent a message to you about a couple of weeks ago, did you get it? I am still trying to figure out how things work on this website. ;-) Anyway, I was asking how you were doing and hoping things were going well.

no, I didn't get it.

However, I do feel better than I did a few months ago and I actually feel like I can carry on, I wasn't sure if I could make it thru before.

I'm so glad to read this, I too am doing better...said goodbye to sadness, which was difficult, because I felt like it might be "forgetting" Brutus. I know you will never forget nor will I. But we have to rid ourselves of the pain, guilt, anguish eventually...we deserve it and of course Callaway and Brutus would want us to be happy. I have finally been able to show real affection to my other dogs and that feels good, I feel guilty that I left them behind for a couple months but I will make it up to them. I know I will have setbacks...I still get tears in my eyes occasionally, but I'm able to think of happy times with Brutus. And if I have problems, I know I can come here and get comfort from the great people. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your continued peace.

Hugs to you and your dear precious Callaway,
Sonya

[Rhapsedy]

I'm so glad to read this, I too am doing better...said goodbye to sadness, which was difficult, because I felt like it might be "forgetting" Brutus. I know you will never forget nor will I. But we have to rid ourselves of the pain, guilt, anguish eventually...we deserve it and of course Callaway and Brutus would want us to be happy. I have finally been able to show real affection to my other dogs and that feels good, I feel guilty that I left them behind for a couple months but I will make it up to them. I know I will have setbacks...I still get tears in my eyes occasionally, but I'm able to think of happy times with Brutus. And if I have problems, I know I can come here and get comfort from the great people. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your continued peace.

Hugs to you and your dear precious Callaway,
Sonya


Hi Sonya,

I felt that way too! When I would feel a little happy then I would feel guilty because how could I feel happy when Callaway isn't here or that he was starting to not be important to me anymore. I now know that I will always love him as much as I did when he was physically with me even if I do let go of the sadness. As you said both Brutus and Callaway would want us to be happy.

I too am starting to get close to my other dogs. I am taking them for walks a couple of times and day and playing with them as much as possible. I still wish Callaway was here so I could hug him but I am starting to accept the fact that he isn't here, but I will always feel the love that we shared.

I finally brought Callaway's ashes in from my husband's truck. He has been riding around with him for 5 months! I figured that he loved to go for car rides so he would be happy in his truck for as long as I needed to keep him there. I found a website where you can make your own pet urn. They show you how to engrave your own words, laminate your own pictures and it only costs around $14.00. Of course I don't care about the price but the thought of making it for him makes me happy.

In case anyone is interested in making their own pet urn here is the website:

http://www.woodpeturns.com/

I do feel so lucky to have found this forum. I got so much comfort over the past 5 months and now I can finally offer some comfort or advice to other people.

I am so glad to hear that you are doing better and that you are getting close to your other dogs again. I hope you continue to come here to support others (I'm sure you will) and I would love to get updates from you.

Take care Sonya!

Rhapsedy