How To Savor The Time With A Dying Pet?, It's hard... Options

[ladywolf]

Hi All--

Darnnit, every time I look at Ladywolf now, I'm thinking, "she's dying, I wonder how much more time she has...?" I keep staring at her swollen back leg and wondering if it hurts her, if it's growing or shrinking, if, if, if. When I take her for a walk, I watch her movements constantly to see how much she's being affected by the tumors as she walks. I wonder how much she is missing Poppers. I feel as if I am not doing enough for her, when in fact, I am more or less dedicating my LIFE to her right now.

But there's little pleasure left in my interactions with her, because I am spending all my time with her WORRYING now! All this has happened since the vet confirmed that she has cancer--everything changed, somehow. I'm moving through all the stages of grief constantly, and don't know how to be with her in a "normal" way anymore. Does any of this make sense to you folks? I hate this. I don't want to look at my beloved beauty and see only "dying wolf." It's all making me a little insane, and very very sad.

Help, please! Thanks!

Margi and Ladywolf

[Flossie's Mom]

I understand how you feel........... been there done that.

Just wondering, rather than "without her where will you be?".................... without her where would you have been?

I guess that will be the question later on as you begin the healing. Not something you can question rationally right now.

Several years ago I had an elderly friend with cancer who had such a good attitude about her diagnosis. Never complained other than one time she said she would have picked another way to die. Always such a quick wit and positive attitude when her skin began to yellow she told a visitor "that's jaundice silly" when the visitor mentioned her makeup wasn't right. On one of my daily visits she told me the Dr. had not told her it was terminal. Knowing her whole attitude I said " being alive is terminal" and she remarked that that was why she liked me so much as I think like she did.

From your posts I know you are a strong person but sometimes we wonder why we are tested like this aren't we?

I follow your posts about Ladywolf and wish you the strength to keep on keepin on.................

Ginger

[ladywolf]

[quote name='Flossie's Mom' date='Jan 27 2010, 06:13 AM' post='55562']
I understand how you feel........... been there done that.

Just wondering, rather than "without her where will you be?".................... without her where would you have been?

Thank you, ladies. Your words are very helpful, particularly that question above--without her, where would I be? Having a mostly wolf in my life has been an experience that I wouldn't have traded for anything, and our bond has changed me and her so deeply that I can't express it. She has brought out the wild, feral side of me at times, and I have taught her to be a totally trustworthy "Lady." She has taught me to be more intuitive and psychic, and I have taught her to behave herself around everyone and everything else--people, other dogs, babies...(though we never made much headway with cats!) We have taught each other what total devotion is--which no man has ever demonstrated for me!

That's all I can write today--except this little tale: I'm at a friend's house right now, and a few minutes ago, her dog burst out the back door because he heard a loud squawking sound, so I ran out there too, and there were two bald eagles way up high in a tree in the backyard. What magic!

Margi and Ladywolf