How To Savor The Time With A Dying Pet?, It's hard... Options

[ladywolf]

Hi All--

Darnnit, every time I look at Ladywolf now, I'm thinking, "she's dying, I wonder how much more time she has...?" I keep staring at her swollen back leg and wondering if it hurts her, if it's growing or shrinking, if, if, if. When I take her for a walk, I watch her movements constantly to see how much she's being affected by the tumors as she walks. I wonder how much she is missing Poppers. I feel as if I am not doing enough for her, when in fact, I am more or less dedicating my LIFE to her right now.

But there's little pleasure left in my interactions with her, because I am spending all my time with her WORRYING now! All this has happened since the vet confirmed that she has cancer--everything changed, somehow. I'm moving through all the stages of grief constantly, and don't know how to be with her in a "normal" way anymore. Does any of this make sense to you folks? I hate this. I don't want to look at my beloved beauty and see only "dying wolf." It's all making me a little insane, and very very sad.

Help, please! Thanks!

Margi and Ladywolf

[Brutus]

Hi Margi...sounds like Ladywolf is doing well on her new diet...thats great. Just wanted to drop a line and let you know I'm thinking of you both.

Hugs,
Sonya

[ladywolf]

Thanks so much, Madi, Sonya and everyone--

I've been offline for a few days while my computer was in the E.R., getting rid of a serious viral infection.

I also was away for a couple of days, and the friend who took great care of Lady at her house, and I, can both see the deterioration between last week and this week. She is moving around with more difficulty, the tumors are getting bigger, it's harder for her to get in and out of the car now...all kinds of things. It's so painful to see. I don't know when the point will come when I'll probably have to make that fateful decision, but it isn't here yet.

The days and nights are so bittersweet right now. Some days I can really appreciate the time we have left, and other days it makes me cry, because I just can't imagine not having her in my life. I really don't have a whole lot else right now to count on. I lost my part-time teaching job due to budget cutbacks, I have too much time on my hands, and my life is so Lady-based that I can't imagine what I'll do in the future. Except be freer to leave this place in Arizona where I live that I don't really like very much, that doesn't offer many opportunities, but where Lady and I are at least comfortable, albeit flat broke all the time! She has a lot of freedom here; but I don't. So I'll probably try to find some way to relocate when she does leave me, and try to make a fresh start. How to do that without any money is the question...

Thank you for letting me vent just a little. I am feeling kind of sorry for myself today. I used to have a lot of friends, a lot of money, a lot of travel and social activity in my life, and here I've been quite isolated and lonely, even WITH Lady. Without her? God, what will I be?

Well, that's the "cheery" news for today.....

Hugs to everyone--

Margi and the Wolf