My Beautiful Audrey Options

[Little Miss Audr...]

I'd like to thank everyone in this forum for all of their posts. I've been reading for several days and I think I can finally tell my story about my little black and white cat, Audrey.

Audrey passed on Christmas morning. She had lymphoma in her heart and her kidneys had shut down. It was a terrible shock, as I didn't know she was so sick until the tests came back at the emergency clinic. She had stopped eating on Christmas Eve and was acting strangely. I didn't want to wait until after the weekend to help her. Six months before she had gotten a clean bill of health from her regular vet, so her condition must have come on quickly. She was only 9 years old. My husband and I made the decision to euthanize her rather than watch her decline and suffer. But, like one of the other folks here said about euthanasia, I felt like I killed her. When I saw her relax with the sedative, I wanted to tell the vet to stop, that this wasn't necessary, that the tests were wrong, that I loved her too much, anything to stop it.

All I could say the whole way home was, "I want my cat back." When I came in to my now cat-less house, I felt sure she would materialize there. When I look at the places where she used to sleep, I almost see her there before I realize again that she's gone. Every new realization brings on such pain. To top it off, I have loved ones in my life who want me to get over it - "it was just a cat, after all." My husband is very supportive, but I think he is baffled by the extreme grief I'm showing. He loved Audrey, too, but he's dealing with it differently.

I think that reading everyone's posts has helped me understand more about the grief I'm feeling, but I feel like it's tearing me apart. I sit and stare aimlessly, or I sob uncontrollably - my two options these days.

Thanks so much for reading.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Little Miss Audrey, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Audrey. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is very similar to stopping life support for a human loved one, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can join the angels in heaven's perfect garden. This grief journey is very hard, particularly in the beginning, and each of us knows first hand the depth of grief of a broken heart in the loss of a beloved companion - - for whatever reason. One of the most important things for you to know is that you are not alone in your grief journey. For whatever it is worth clinical studies show that men grieve differently from women, but that does not lessen the depth of their sorrow. It just means they grieve differently. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Little Miss Audrey, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam