My Beautiful Audrey Options

[Little Miss Audr...]

I'd like to thank everyone in this forum for all of their posts. I've been reading for several days and I think I can finally tell my story about my little black and white cat, Audrey.

Audrey passed on Christmas morning. She had lymphoma in her heart and her kidneys had shut down. It was a terrible shock, as I didn't know she was so sick until the tests came back at the emergency clinic. She had stopped eating on Christmas Eve and was acting strangely. I didn't want to wait until after the weekend to help her. Six months before she had gotten a clean bill of health from her regular vet, so her condition must have come on quickly. She was only 9 years old. My husband and I made the decision to euthanize her rather than watch her decline and suffer. But, like one of the other folks here said about euthanasia, I felt like I killed her. When I saw her relax with the sedative, I wanted to tell the vet to stop, that this wasn't necessary, that the tests were wrong, that I loved her too much, anything to stop it.

All I could say the whole way home was, "I want my cat back." When I came in to my now cat-less house, I felt sure she would materialize there. When I look at the places where she used to sleep, I almost see her there before I realize again that she's gone. Every new realization brings on such pain. To top it off, I have loved ones in my life who want me to get over it - "it was just a cat, after all." My husband is very supportive, but I think he is baffled by the extreme grief I'm showing. He loved Audrey, too, but he's dealing with it differently.

I think that reading everyone's posts has helped me understand more about the grief I'm feeling, but I feel like it's tearing me apart. I sit and stare aimlessly, or I sob uncontrollably - my two options these days.

Thanks so much for reading.

[smokey/lady/max]

I am so sorry that you lost your angel on Christmas day that has to be heart wrenching. I know exactly how you feel and yes on my post I said I feel like I killed my Max. This has been the worse feeling of guilt anyone has to deal with. Even though in our heart we did not want them to suffer we didnt want them to leave us either. And please dont listen to anyone who tells you to get over it. Believe me I have heard it too. We as pet parents never get over it. Nor do I personally ever want to get over it. They were are family and yes we have to learn to except it, but we will never forget or get totally over it. You have came to the right place to show your emotions and you feel free to do so as you wish we are all here to help and listen to each other. My heart breaks for you.

Sending you big hugs
Anna