I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[ladywolf]

Dottie and Rhapsody--

What an astonishing amount of information, and how helpful and comforting it is! Thank you, Dottie, for your dedication and heart and commitment and knowledge and love. After reading all the medical information though, I am somewhat horrified, because I am sure now that Ladywolf has another Lymphoma (she's had one removed already) in her groin, and that she is on her way out too. I just can't bear to get the news until after Christmas, but I WILL take her in next week. I need at least a couple of weeks between the loss of one dog and a bad prognosis on my soulmate, my Wolf.

Rhapsody, I owe you an apology. I can get very forceful and opinionated at times. I know that about myself, I'm not proud of it, and I need to be called on it when and if I do it. It's just that I hate to see you in so much pain and guilt when you didn't do anything wrong. You loved Callaway--who is beautiful, by the way, as is your Jack Russell!--totally and unconditionally and you did the best you could given what you knew. I agree with Dottie--it was obviously Callaway's time, and nothing could have made him last much longer. But you have the right to feel your guilt as long as you need to, until you don't feel it anymore. Please forgive me for suggesting that guilt is "a waste of time." In a sense it is, but in another sense, we often can't help it, and we need to honor our feelings, whatever they are. I wanted to jump in and try to FIX IT, and that's the wrong approach completely. I sometimes forget how things come across differently online from how they come across when we say them. Everything I said to you, I said with great love, but you can't hear that when you just read the words.

Callaway does live on--look how much he's being honored here. As does Poppers and all our 4-legged beloveds, whether on this earthly plane, or another, higher plane!

Margi and Ladywolf