I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Rhapsedy,

My PC still needs more maintenance, however you need answers far more than this contraption needs to rest. Firstly, I'm not able to find anywhere you've posted about Callaway if he was a kitty, doggie, ferret, bunny, guinea pig ...

So I'll cover all of them since lymphoma symptoms, diagnosis, treatments and life span expectancy are pretty much exactly the same. Here are some facts on cats and dogs just in case that's who Callaway Angel is and not one of the others ...

Regarding Feline lymphoma ...

Lymphoma, sometimes called lymphoma, is a malignant tumor (or tumors) derived from lymphoid tissue (lymph nodes, tonsils, thymus, spleen, etc.). It is an illness that affects humans as well as cats, dogs, and other mammals. Lymphomas are probably the most common tumors of cats.

Symptoms of Feline Lymphoma
The cat with lymphoma may demonstrate only very vague problems. Progressive lack of appetite, lethargy and weight loss are most common. Depending on which organs are affected, other signs such as chronic diarrhea, vomiting and difficulty in breathing may occur. Many diseases can cause these signs, and as with any problem, diagnosis should be based on examination by your veterinarian and appropriate tests.

Feline Lymphoma Treatment
Many forms of lymphoma in the cat are treatable with surprisingly good initial results. Cure, however, is unlikely. Unfortunately the average survival of the cat with lymphoma is only six months.

Next: Regarding doggie or canine lymphoma ...

It is a fairly common cancer in American dogs. The most commonly seen lymphoma in America is a type called Lymphoma, although treatments are essentially the same with all types of lymphoma. As it is with humans, the lymphatic system is an important part of any mammal's immune system.

Symptoms
The typical canine lymphoma patient is a middle-aged dog taken to the veterinarian because one or more lumps have been found. Most dogs are not feeling particularly sick at the time of diagnosis; it may be tempting to "hold off" on treatment to see if the pet gets worse. This is not a good idea. Waiting can drastically reduce the chances for long-term survival. Better remission rates are achieved if your pet is treated in the early stage, while it still feels healthy.

If you notice fast growing lumps on your dog that seem to be in the area of the major joints (at the neck, in front of the shoulders, in the armpits, at the back of the knees or in the groin), have your dog examined by a veterinarian, even if your pet appears to be feeling fine. The average life expectancy for a dog with untreated lymphoma is only about 2 to 4 months from the time of diagnosis. Their life span can be extended up to 6 months if treated.

So you see, Rhapsedy, you took wonderful care of your precious Callaway making certain he was seen, diagnosed and treated in a very timely manner. You added several months to his life and that was life with quality. Of course, it's our fur kid's quality of life that counts.

You state that after that six months, which you now know is the best one can expect in either a kitty or doggie with lymphoma, that you came home one day only to find him "laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up." Rhapsedy, it was time. He had lost his quality of life and a wonderful fur kid parent such as yourself would not want to see him suffer even one more moment. You did not have him euthanized too soon and you didn't wait too long. Again, you put your sweet baby to sleep at exactly and precisely the right time. Bless you for that and all you did to make his life so wonderful.

You're a terrific Fur Kid Mommy!!! Please, never forget that.

Now, let's talk about what you perceived as that "sudden burst of energy" which may have made you feel you ought to have waited. You state that your fur kid Callaway was on Prednisolone. Prednisolone is a synthetic adrenal corticosteroid and is is a form of Prednisone. Use of this medication to help your kitty doggie, ferret, bunny, guinea pig and so on ... Can improve the symptoms dramatically, but it does not significantly affect your fur kid's survival rate.

Corticosteroids are natural substances produced by the adrenal glands located adjacent to the kidneys. By the way, Prednisone is awesome good to use in "short burst" cases of a severe acne outburst or to quickly get many types of allergies (including asthma) under control, rheumatoid arthritis, ulcerative colitis, certain blood disorders, lupus, multiple sclerosis, and certain eye and skin conditions. It may also be used for other conditions as determined by your doctor or veterinarian.

Decadron Dose Pack are a corticosteroid. It works by decreasing or preventing tissues from responding to inflammation It also modifies the body's response to certain immune stimulation.

After the short burst of Prednisone, then a person or fur kid can be treated in a more conventional manner and ongoing to keep everything under control. When I say "short burst" I'm talking about five to 10 milligrams 3 to five times a day for 5 to 7 days only and a human or animal must take those last doses in lesser and lesser strength so as not to be affected adversely. The Decadron Dose Pack is a very good example. Let me see if I can link you to that, Here you go ...

http://www.drugs.com/cdi/decadron-dose-pac...-dose-pack.html

I'll bet you're wondering why I brought up that fact. It has to do with Callaway's "quick burst of energy" that you perceived. As well as observing both humans and animals while they're taking Prednisone, I've also personally required those short 7 to 10 day bursts of this medication several times in the past. Let me tell you something, it gives you the energy of Jackie Chan, The Terminator as portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger and a younger Robin Williams combined. I kid you not. Look what happens to athletes who take steroids which are the much stronger from of corticosteroids like Prednisone. It not only increases their energy but makes them as strong as very grumpy bear or a ticked off gorilla.

This brings us back to your sweet Angel Callaway. Since he needed the Prednisolone to keep at bay so many problems, aches and pains caused by having had lymphoma, that medication also served as a desired side effect of making him hungry, more energetic, stronger and so on for the time you were treating him. Oh, I forgot to tell you, a good doctor will caution a patient who takes a short burst of Prednisone that it causes increased appetite so to keep plenty of carrot sticks on hand or plan to gain about 10 pounds from overeating for that 7 to 10 days of medication use.

Anyway, Callaway's sudden burst of energy could very easily have been due to his use of Predisolone. No, not a second wind and rallying back to health to live longer. It was clearly his time when you saw him lying in a pool of urine and not able to even get up. Knowing all that I've shared with you about corticosteroids, what would any creature do who was disturbed while trying to go quietly into that good night? Regarding him looking scared, could he have instead been ticked off and expressing that as any person or animal would do when being bothered by a caregiver since they really just wish to be left alone?

Rhapsedy, as a nurse and animal rescuer as well as volunteering at Vet clinics for those many, many years, I've seen this scenario played out more than once. More than twice. More than I care to admit. Did I I perceive in the beginning the same as yourself about Callaway's reactions? Yes, I did. Even though I was well trained, knew the facts and how each person or animal may or may not react, I still perceived it the same as you when I first began serving as a nurse as well as in animal rescue and rehabilitation and veterinary volunteer. I cried. No, not then and there. I always hold up perfectly and remain calm as a cucumber during any and all emergencies or crises That is a must. However, I go to the bathroom when it's over and have a good cry.

We feel guilt, remorse, grief, sorrow and devastation. Our world is shattered! We need help. Please, never let anyone tell you how to feel. But, it is of paramount importance that you do express how you feel because that's the one and only way to find that Healing Path and get some kind of closure. I read that you are seeking professional counseling and that will help you so very much. It will also help you to share your tears and fears with like minded people such as those found here at LS. This is an incredible place with incredible fur and feather kid parents who understand that it is not, not, not just a dog, cat, bunny, ferret, bird, guinea pig or goldfish. These are our family just the same as our own flesh and blood.

Please, pay no mind to those who tell you to get over it and put it in your past. That it's just a dog, cat, bird and so on. That there are millions more out there and just go get another one. That it's time to stop feeling your loss. Firstly, no. There is no other creature out there like your cherished Callaway. He was different, precious and unique. He can never be replaced. However, there are a whole lot of dear, sweet, affectionate fur kids out there who need a loving home and wonderful fur kid Mommy just like you. That will come later, but only if you desire and are ready.

Secondly, you'll know when it's time to stop grieving. Take your time, allow yourself to feel, express your feelings, take baby steps and be kind to you! How long will your guilt and grieving last? I have no idea since it's different for each and every one of us. Some take days. Others take months and even years ...

It takes time. Allow yourself that time and come back to talk as often as you're able. The more you express your feelings, the sooner you'll begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's by sharing and caring that we help each other find that Healing Path. It's been over two years for me and I still need all the help I can get. Rhapsedy, I find an enormous amount of support here at LS as well as seeking professional help myself due to my loss. So, please keep coming back to talk anytime day or night. Everyone is pulling for you.

I Wish You Peace!!!

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Kid Callaway!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Here are some links you may wish to have for the future. More Hugs!!!

Ask a Vet Online live chat. There is a fee and can cost an average of $9.00 to $15.00. It's live chat with at least 15 to 17 Vets online 24 hours a day so you can have a live chat at any given time.

http://www.justanswer.com/pet

Online Ask a Vet regarding Dogs and Cats. There is a small fee but is also a Live Chat ...

http://web-dvm.net/

Live chat and still a fee of $5.95 per question regarding: Ask Dr. Larry is a service that allows you to ask questions about your pets' health and behavior. Dogs, Cats, Exotics and so on ...

http://www.drlarrypetvet.com/

And ...

http://www.drlarrypetvet.com/ask.html

This one is very good and is free! Please click link below ...

http://www.talktothevet.com/

Also Free ...

http://www.free-online-veterinarian-advice.com/

Also Free ...

http://www.free-online-veterinarian-advice.com/askavet.html

Also Free ...

http://www.petnutritionproducts.com/page.html?id=1

Also Free ...

http://www.vetask.com/