I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[AngelCareOne]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

Dearest Rhapsedy,

Please forgive my first post to you being one of copy and paste to two other members here. My computer is acting up something fierce, but you need help. You need it quick, fast and in a hurry. I'll come back as soon as my PC will allow me in order to explain to you what you "perceived" as "he got a quick burst of energy" after having been so weak as well as the "fear - he looked so scared" when you speak of your precious Angel Fur Kid Soulmate Callaway. Okay? Thank you for your kind understanding and, again, I apologize for this copy and paste response due to my computer problems.

First, please click HERE. Another member who perceived emotions in her beloved kitty that most likely were not so and she expresses terrible feelings of guilt. Here is a snippet of what I wrote to her and it applies very much to you and your beloved Callaway.

<<SNIPPET>>

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your precious cat. This was so unexpected, your first really big loss and you're blaming yourself for something completely out of your control. Since it was so sudden and not anticipated, this makes it even more devastating to you. Please don't blame yourself. I know that's a tall order since it's all so fresh and raw in your mind, heart and soul. However, this was no fault of yours at all.

You say that your kitty acted like it didn't want to go outside as though she knew something was about to happen. The fact is that you don't really know the reason why she may have hesitated to go outside. I can name dozens of reasons. What you're doing when you say it's as though she knew something was going to happen is called anthropomorphism and all us fur and feather kid moms and dads tend to do that at times. She may have wanted a treat or a toy or she was simply sitting there thinking about butterflies and birds. See? You have no way to know what she was thinking since humans don't think like cats but we many times attribute human emotions to our fur kids when that's not what they're thinking at all.

Here's an example: Sometimes I look at my Buddy dog and say to myself, "Poor pooch. He's so depressed. Just look at him lying there with that look on his face and his body language. He must be feeling really depressed." Actually, most of the time when my Buddy dog looks that way, he's really very comfortable, happy and resting in his favorite spot. Now you see what I mean? So, no. There's no way you could know what your kitty was thinking.

Right now, your world is shattered! You're feeling terrible grief, guilt and devastation. You've got a gosh awful case of the "what ifs" and "if only's" ... Those will eat you up and spit you out. You will be affected emotionally and physically as well. Let me give you the direct links to some posts here at LS in Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area. All will validate what you're feeling, experiencing, plus help you to cope. And, they are authored by Veterinarians and Doctors who specialize in the emotions of Pet Loss. Do take your time since these posts are permanent so not going anywhere. Here are the links ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss

Grief & the Loss of a Pet

This Web site gives phone numbers and times of day to call and speak with live professionals. The names of the states are up at the top. Click on them to get the information I just mentioned ...

Pet Bereavement Support Groups

You may want to try this. It works and helps millions of people ...

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions

Light A Candle Online. It Is Free. Please Read.

A Different Way To View Suffering from George Anderson

NOTE: Click on "A Place For Us" in the following Link ...

A Place For Us - Why They're Not Really Gone by Terri Onorato

Take your time. Okay? Please know that you and your Angel Fur Kid are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this most difficult time in your life. Come back and talk as often as you're able. I know it will be difficult for you to see your key pad and PC monitor as you type through your tears, however it's by sharing and caring that we help each other to find that Healing Path.



I Wish You Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs to You and Your Angel Fur Kid Kitty!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

<< END SNIPPET>>

Then, please see this ...

<<SNIPPET>>

Dearest abrm325, how are you doing? How are you holding up and how are you feeling? Much the same happened to me. My loss was sudden and due to having been killed. I felt and still feel very guilty because there were so many "red flags" cautioning me that this was going to happen. I just didn't see them at the time. Also, I didn't know then what I soon found out afterwards. Alex was my heart, my soul and my world. I failed him ...

What I do is to ask him to please forgive me. I know he can hear me where he is because he has sent me at least three or more signs. I know he's happy where he is and that's of comfort to me. I feel so badly for you and now you know why I can relate so acutely to your pain. It's because I myself have been there. My world was shattered, too. Just like yourself. I feel very concerned about you, Dear One.

Please write when you're feeling up to it. What was your kitty's name? How did you meet your kitty? Most of all, how are you feeling? Would you like to know some of the many ways you can pay loving tribute in memory to your kitty? There's so many things you can do that won't cost you one penny. It does take time just as it takes time to heal. Remember to be kind to you and take baby steps. OK? OK. Here's what I posted to Madi here at LS ...

Here are some things I do that really help me a lot.

The following is a copy and paste from another site ...

Help and healing

It has been shown that when grief can be expressed, the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the expression of grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process may take much longer.

In addition to talking with others, to do something often helps us work through our grief. By doing something positive during this time of sadness, we expand our focus by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
Making a charitable donation
Holding a funeral or memorial service
Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional)
Placing your pet's nametag on your keyring
Writing a poem, song, or story
Composing music or a song
Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
Writing a letter to your pet
Framing a photograph
Volunteering your time

abrm325, it's me Dottie talking again. I find that writing poems, songs, creating images on my computer help a lot. Also, I did create a Memorial Website a couple months ago or so for Alex. It was free so heck yeah! I also come here (and to Alex's Website) and make posts where I'm speaking with him. In my heart of hearts I know that he hears me, too. I'm not just saying that. My word to you. What seems to help me most of all is to do my best to help others who are going through what we are. Do you have any photos of your fur kid that you could share? If so, I would be honored to enhance it as I've done for so many here at Lighting Strike. People take great comfort seeing their beloved Rainbow Bridge Fur Kids transformed into Angels with gold, glittering wings and halos as well as other pretties. Just think on it and take your time to let me know.

I pray I've been of some small help and we can continue talking until we're blue in the face. You bet. Everyone at LS is here for you, Dear One. You are a Wonderful Fur Kid Mommy!!! Please never forget that. Okay? Okay.

Many Comforting Hugs and Love to You and Your Angel Fur Kid!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

<<END SNIPPET>>

Rhapsedy, it's me Dottie talking again. I'm going to turn off my PC, close the modem and let it run some internal maintenance programs. I promise to come back as soon as I'm able to talk with you about your perceptions of what you saw as a sudden burst of energy and also what you saw as Callaway being scared. There's a very good possibility and/or probability that Callaway got ticked off at being disturbed and expressed that. I'll explain more later. Okay? Please know that I served as a nurse in the human medical filed for around 27 years and have been in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation for about 30 years. I pray that I can allay your fears by linking you to information regarding what most likely occurred so you'll know that Callaway was probably not scared and will also explain what that sudden burst of energy could very well have been considering all I read in your post about your sweet baby.

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Child Callaway!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox