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Rhapsedy
post Dec 17 2009, 11:34 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 258
Joined: 16-December 09
From: Jackson, MI
Member No.: 6,273



It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy
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Brutus
post Dec 19 2009, 10:15 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 511
Joined: 22-November 09
From: Chesaning, MI
Member No.: 6,235



QUOTE
has been very supportive but I think that he doesn't understand why I can't let this go. I so want to get to the point where I can think about all of the good times and smile and remember what a great life I gave Callaway


Some men are just that way...my husband will respond when I talk about Brutus, but he quickly changes the subject. I don't think it's that they don't understand why we can't let go...at least in my case...they just don't want to see us sad and I sometimes think that maybe my husband thinks he is not handling his feelings in the proper way and when I freely let them out and he can't, he feels like maybe he is not behaving right???? I hide alot when I'm feeling real down and I try not to let him see me cry. I think he knows but he is in denial about it...it is easier for him to handle the whole situation (me being sad and Brutus being gone) if he pretends none of it happened. That is just his way of dealing with it I guess.

The first three or four days Doug cried alot and then just boom...he stopped until last week...we were in the kitchen cooking dinner and a song came on the ipod that instantly struck a nerve with me and memories just came flooding back like a typhone...A tear ran down my face and he too started crying and then we looked at each other and laughed...and changed the song.

It is so hard to get through....you will never get over your loss, just get through it...we can all get through it together. It's so great to be able to talk to people who truely understand and feel the same way...so come here often and say whatever you are feeling...we are all here for each other.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom



--------------------
****Sonya****

In loving memory of my soulmate, Brutus...never forgotten, always missed.

Brutus Midnight Gunsmoke
Black Lab and best friend
11-22-96 to 11-16-09
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Posts in this topic
- Rhapsedy   I Need Help (please)   Dec 17 2009, 11:34 AM
- - tanbuck   Rhapsedy, I am so sorry you're going through t...   Dec 17 2009, 12:23 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Thanks for the comforting words Donna. I had a sed...   Dec 17 2009, 12:37 PM
- - janika   Oh poor Rhapsedy, you didn't let your Callaway...   Dec 17 2009, 01:05 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Jan - thank you so much for your kind words. How a...   Dec 17 2009, 01:18 PM
- - janika   I'm missing her so much... and also my Tasha,...   Dec 17 2009, 02:42 PM
- - smokey/lady/max   Rhapsedy,I am so sorry for your loss and your pain...   Dec 17 2009, 11:20 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Thanks Anna. I am so sorry that you are having the...   Dec 18 2009, 12:44 PM
- - Brutus   Rhapsedy...I so understand, It's been almost 5...   Dec 18 2009, 09:24 AM
|- - Rhapsedy   It sounds like your Brutus had some of the same sy...   Dec 18 2009, 12:51 PM
- - Brutus   QUOTE What have you done to accept his death? You ...   Dec 18 2009, 03:16 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   You asked what I've done...I talked to God abo...   Dec 19 2009, 08:43 AM
- - Brutus   QUOTE has been very supportive but I think that he...   Dec 19 2009, 10:15 AM
- - ladywolf   Dearest Rhapsody-- Calloway would not want to see...   Dec 19 2009, 01:59 PM
- - AngelCareOne   QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Dec 17 2009, 11:34 AM) ...   Dec 21 2009, 02:50 AM
- - AngelCareOne   Dearest Rhapsedy, My PC still needs more maintena...   Dec 21 2009, 03:07 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   After the short burst of Prednisone, then a person...   Dec 22 2009, 10:20 AM
|- - AngelCareOne   QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Dec 22 2009, 10:20 AM) ...   Dec 22 2009, 12:23 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Dottie, Thanks for the clarification. I feel m...   Dec 22 2009, 02:10 PM
- - ladywolf   Dottie and Rhapsody-- What an astonishing amount ...   Dec 21 2009, 06:50 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Rhapsody, I owe you an apology. I can get very fo...   Dec 22 2009, 09:58 AM
- - AngelCareOne   QUOTE (ladywolf @ Dec 21 2009, 06:50 PM) ...   Dec 21 2009, 07:48 PM
|- - ladywolf   Rhapsody-- Do you feel the love and support on th...   Dec 21 2009, 08:09 PM
- - Brutus   Hi Rhapsedy...I'm not a doctor or nurse...nor ...   Dec 22 2009, 11:59 AM
|- - AngelCareOne   QUOTE (Brutus @ Dec 22 2009, 11:59 AM) Hi...   Dec 22 2009, 12:29 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Sonya, Thank you so much for the response. I a...   Dec 22 2009, 02:17 PM
- - smokey/lady/max   Hi Rhapsedy I dont think there is any such thing a...   Dec 22 2009, 03:30 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Anna, My vet told me that pred doesn't wor...   Dec 22 2009, 04:45 PM
- - Brutus   QUOTE hate myself for not taking that extra time t...   Dec 22 2009, 05:07 PM
- - ladywolf   Hi Rhapsody and everyone-- Here's hoping that...   Dec 25 2009, 08:17 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Margi, That sounds like a lovely way to spend ...   Dec 25 2009, 09:56 PM
- - ladywolf   Rhapsody: "Not helpful" is a wonderful,...   Dec 25 2009, 11:50 PM
|- - ladywolf   Dear Rhapsody-- Just checking in to see how you...   Dec 27 2009, 12:06 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Margi, The guilt still seems to have some cont...   Dec 27 2009, 08:22 PM
- - smokey/lady/max   Hi Rhapsedy, I know exactly how you feel. The guil...   Dec 27 2009, 09:02 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Anna, You are so right about the guilt being w...   Dec 28 2009, 10:55 AM
- - Brutus   Dear Rhapsedy...hoping this New Year finds you in ...   Jan 1 2010, 10:39 AM
- - cricket   Rhapsedy, I hope your grief over losing Callaway h...   Jan 1 2010, 03:10 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   I sure I wish I would have known about the injecti...   Jan 1 2010, 11:14 PM
- - smokey/lady/max   Hi Rhapsedy, We need to stop blameing ourselves ...   Jan 2 2010, 12:13 AM
- - Brutus   Rhapsedy...how have you been? I was thinking abou...   Jan 27 2010, 11:05 AM
|- - Rhapsedy   Hi Sonya, I sent a message to you about a couple ...   Jan 27 2010, 12:55 PM
- - ABT   QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Dec 17 2009, 11:34 AM) ...   Jan 27 2010, 01:21 PM
- - Brutus   QUOTE I sent a message to you about a couple of we...   Jan 28 2010, 01:10 PM
|- - Rhapsedy   I'm so glad to read this, I too am doing bette...   Jan 28 2010, 03:31 PM
- - kitroll   QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Dec 17 2009, 08:34 AM) ...   Jan 28 2010, 03:09 PM
- - AngelCareOne   {{{To My Mommy Rhapsedy From Your Angel Callaway}}...   Jan 29 2010, 01:49 PM
- - Rhapsedy   Thank you so much Dottie! You are a true bless...   Jan 29 2010, 06:18 PM


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