I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[smokey/lady/max]

Rhapsedy,I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Its been 2 weeks and one day for me and I totally understand that last vision you are talking about I just left my sons home and I sat there crying my eyes out tonight saying the exact same thing the vision of him laying on that floor. Its sooo hard to comprehend in our hearts we did the right thing when it hurts so bad. I came hear for the same comfort. Its the Guilt that is so hard. They wanted to give my max steriods to give me a little more quality time and to have him for the holidays and now its all the why didnt I take those couple more days or weeks. What if he would have got better. I know the pain you are feeling. I wish I could say or do something to take some of your pain away. There are so many wonderful people here who totally understand. Just try to hang in there I will say a prayer tonight for all of us here looking for comfort.

Anna