I Need Help (please) Options

[Rhapsedy]

It has been 13 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I am overcome with guilt. He had lymphoma and actually lasted longer than the vet thought he would. I had him on Predisolone which seemed to help keep his symptoms at bay. I cooked breakfast and dinner for him everyday for 6 months. He started getting worst. I finally made my decision when I came home and he was laying in a pool of urine because he couldn't get up. I have no idea how long he was laying like that but he looked so sad when I came home and found him that way.

I have been dealing with a bunch of what ifs... what if I would have tried different medication, what if I put him to sleep to soon, should I have gotten a second opinion... and on and on and on. But just the past few days I have been dealing with the look in his eyes when he was being put to sleep. He looked so scared. He had been so weak and when the vet came to euthanize him he got a burst of energy and the vet tech had to hold him down. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate to think about the last moments of his life that he was scared. It is just consuming me and I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for listening.

Rhapsedy

[janika]

Oh poor Rhapsedy, you didn't let your Callaway down, but it is so natural for us to blame ourselves when our darlings leave us. As you say, it's so many what if's and if only's. We question every single thing that happens at that crucial , terrible time.
He was with you, so he knew that you were loving him and caring for him right up to those last moments.
Try and think of his darling face when you were sharing happy times. He wouldn't want you to think of him in a sad way.
Someone wrote on here that animals have no fear of death, and that brought me some comfort.
We lost our darlings around the same time, about 15 weeks now for me.
I am thinking of you and sending love

Jan x

[Rhapsedy]

Jan - thank you so much for your kind words. How are you doing with your loss?