Noushka And Tasha I'm Missing You Both So Much Options

[janika]

Hello to you all. I know if you're reading this you've also suffered great loss and will be feeling heartbroken too.
Over the weeks since Noushka left us to become another of my 'Angel Dogs' I have looked on this site many times and found some comfort from knowing that I am not alone. The messages, poems, stories written on here about beloved pets are so beautiful and they have kept me going.
I am finding things very hard at the moment . It's now about 10 weeks since I said goodbye to Noushka and almost 4 years since Tasha. They are now both in the garden they loved to play in. We planted two white flowering shrubs and lots of snowdrops around them. They 're Samoyeds and loved to play in the snow. I will miss them so much this Christmas and I'm dreading the first snowfall.
I try to keep thinking of all the happy times and how much love we shared but I feel so lost and empty without them. Losing Noushka has brought back the pain of losing Tasha. I just try to think that now they are together again. I do believe that they are with me in spirit and know that as in life they will always be by my side.
Thanks for reading this and if anyone can help me I would love to hear from them.
Love

[janika]

Had a bad day again. I know you are all suffering too and I try to be positive, but it's so hard.
Sheppie I hope you are ok, I've been thinking about you all day and it brought back the memories of when we had to pick up Noushkas ashes.
I've been looking at photos of my angel girls all day. Oh I miss them so much. The house seems so quiet and empty now.
The leads are still hanging in the cupboard. I still keep finding beautiful samoyed hair . I do vaccum but always make sure that some hair is left.
Every time I come home I expect my wonderful greeting and to see Noushka, tail wagging,and hear that lovely woowoo sound that sammies make.
Tasha, was my first samoyed. She's been my Angel dog for almost 4 years now. She had diabetes for the last 7 years of her life. She was blind but still had such a happy life. She came willingly for her insulin injections twice daily, and never flinched. When she was 14 and had lost all quality of life I had to make the decision for the vet to come to our home to give her peace from her suffering. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I hugged her right to the end.It broke my heart.
Twelve weeks ago Noushka who had been slowing down a lot but was still enjoying a slow walk every day, went off her food for a couple of days. I called the vets and they said she's probably just having an off day.
She quite often went off her food so I wasn't too worried, but thought she should be checked out after a further couple of days. The vet found mammary tumours and said that her breathing was bad. She said she would keep her in over night for tests.
She called me later that evening and said that Noushka had Pneumonia. She said it was treatable but would be very lengthy and expensive and no guarantees, then they would have to investigate the mammary growths. I said to treat the pneumonia and to do everything she could. She said I could call in the morning to see how she was and that the treatment would be 5 to 10 days. I didn't sleep at all that night. I just wanted to go and see her. At 8.30 am the vet called and said Noushka hadn't made it through the night.
It was like a nightmare. I still feel as if I'm living a nightmare. How could she go so quickly and I wasn't even with her. I felt so guilty that I hadn't taken her to the vets earlier. Then I felt guilty that I Had taken her to the vets and she wasn't at home at the end. Then I felt bad that I hadn't said a final goodbye. Oh I just hope she knew how much I loved her.
Thankyou for reading this. This forum has really helped me. I know that there are so many of you that understand how I feel and you have been such a comfort to me.
Love you my darlings, Tasha and Noushka ***x

Love to you all
Jan xx