My Best Friend Options

[Ginger4ever]

Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. Many people will say that, after having a bad day at work/school, but it was true. It was horrible enough for the past weeks to have seen my hamster and best friend Ginger suffer, but yesterday it ended. Ginger hadn’t been doing well for a long time. She was bleeding, blind, deaf and, overall, old. However yesterday, she was paralyzed from waist down, and I knew she was in pain. I was the one who asked for my mom to take me to the vet’s to have her put down. Usually, a parent will say either “Sweetie, we think it’s best if you put him down,� or “Honey, do you want to put her down?� but no. Not with me. I was the one who asked my mom. And I’m just a kid, I’m only 11 years old. I don’t want to be the mature one. I wanted comforting, for my mom to tell me it’ll be okay, but in about two hours, we came home from the vet’s with a dead hamster to burry in the backyard. I know people here know what it’s like, but it just hurts so much. I miss Ginger. She was my best friend.

[Ginger4ever]

Thanks to everyone. Those posts were very very kind.

I watched a sad movie today. It was my second time seeing, but it was almost as sad as the first time. It’s My Sister’s Keeper. That movie/book is sad to begin with, but it was the movie I saw on my friend’s birthday party. Normally that wouldn’t have affected me. But her birthday party was only 3 days after Ginger died. And it’s all about dying and saying goodbye to loved ones. And I cried though the movie the first time, just like I’m crying now.

I was telling myself for a long time “I’m finally letting go, bit by bit.� But now I’m totally lost again. I miss her so much I can’t even explain it in words. And I can’t stop crying. I just went out and told Ginger ‘I tell you how much I miss you, but even after I’ve moved on, there will always be a part of my heart where you are on. It just doesn’t feel like it’s there right now, but it will never leave me.’

It just doesn’t seem fair. I don’t know what to do. People tell me “Oh I’m so sorry,� and “It’ll be okay� and “You’ll see her again� But they don’t know. Everyone’s bond is unique. They don’t know how much I loved her. They don’t know how every day has felt so much longer since she left. Everything doesn’t make sense to me.