What Do You Do Options

[Nataisa]

Hi,

What do you do to keep yourself busy? It's Sunday and every time I try and think of something to do I just start crying again. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept getting out of bed, turning the TV on, watching it for ten minutes and then crying and had to find something else to do.
I took a couple of photos of Nataisa yesterday. I had collected her from the vet so I could spend her last few hours with her. I am waiting for the shops to open so I can get those photos printed. I know as soon as I see the photos the tears will start flowing again. I went to the supermarket last night and became tearful as I passed the deli and cat food areas. I have been visiting both shops every 2 days to buy fresh and tinned food to try and motivate Nataisa to eat.
I don’t think I will be able to go to work on Monday. I teach young children and it would be difficult if I started crying in front of the class and I think this is quite likely to happen. Also I may be able to collect her ashes on Monday. I am not sure if this will help. At this stage I really want her ashes here. I found a tiny clump of her hair on the floor last night. She was always leaving hair everywhere.
Maybe I will have a coffee and sit in the corner of a café and view the photos when printed. Later I will probably ask my mum to come over for a roast meal. I really don’t want to be alone but I am crying most of the time, so it is a bit difficult to be with people. Also I don’t really know anyone that understands this type of grief. The people I know have already lacked empathy and have found it difficult to understand the time, money and effort that have been used to support Nataisa. My neighbor knocked on my door yesterday. I tried to explain I was spending Nataisa’s last day with her. She looked bewildered and said, ‘well she’s had a good long life’ and then left .I don’t care that Nataisa was old I still want her here. I just don’t know what to do with myself. These feelings are so painfull. They are so much worse than I thought they would be.
Liz

[Nataisa]

Hi all,

Thank you for your support. It’s obvious you know and have experienced sadness, hurt and emptiness also. I went to the counsellor, which help a bit. He was softly spoken and tried to comfort but every time he tried to say something I would say ‘yes, I know but I just want Natasia back’. Her ashes didn’t arrive back until late Tuesday. I was happy to have them. I had been thinking of where to place them. On the Sunday I had purchased a small teddy bear to hug. It was soft and felt good to hold. I decided to place Nataisa’s ashes inside, so I could hug her when ever I needed. I actually purchased two bears. They now sit beside each other. I have given her bear three charm necklaces – peace, love and dream. I was going to get a Saint Francis one but discovered the others first and thought they expressed some of my feelings for Nataisa. I wish her peace, I still love her dearly. I pray she is spending her time dreaming beautiful dreams. Nataisa’s teddy is sitting in front of the computer with me now. The other teddy is sitting on the chair beside us. It helps and both bears provide a calming and warm feeling. I went back to work on Wednesday and shed more tears when talking about Nataisa. Generally the people where supportive or a least were trying to help. I have been fairly short-tempered with the children in the class. I have been sending them up to the Principal for bad behaviour, so he is not impressed with my teaching at the moment. He is a really nice guy. I don’t think anyone has told him why I am not myself. I also received a sympathy card from the vet that started the tears again tonight.
Bye and love,
Liz

[madi]

It makes me sad reading your story and I can empathise with you when you say " I just want her back" that's all I could say when I lost by darling cat Ulriich, "I just want him back" I ended up at the doctor's surgery after 2 weeks of not eating or sleeping, but the doctor just kept asking questions about what else was bothering me, because he didn't think I could be that distraught about just losing my cat. He thought I must have some major issue other than what I went there for, so I came home without any resolve or understanding and a prescription for antidepressants, which I did take and did eventually help me to eat and sleep, but not forget. I have discovered that it is your fellow animal lovers that see you through the worst of the pain.
I do hope you find some peace.

madi xx