My Angel Is Gone, loss of pet Options

[chrismnc]

Last night I made the decision to let my Maki go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. She has been my baby for 12 1/2 years. Through it all. I have posted here 2 previous times and thought that those were the hardest times... but this is hurting me so deep that I feel like I will not recover. Maki, my pug, had cushings which caused pancreatitis, bladder stones and very slow healing. Her eye surgery from 2 years ago had not healed right. I think that injury is what caused her downward slope. She aged so much after that. She could not take any more medications. The pancreatitis is finally what made me make the decision. At least I think thats why she was in pain. She had an accident all over me and the bed on Sat night. Then was breathing with a type of whine all day on Sunday. She had been wearing diapers for a while now and I noticed that it was dry for the first time in forever. I took her to the ER with a small soft serve ice cream, that she didn't have to share with her brothers. They put in the catheter and brought her back to me. She went out licking the final drops from the cup.
I thought because I knew this was coming, that it would be easier. It's not. I'm a mess. I can barely see through the tears to type. I know it will get easier. I know it was the right thing. It just hurts so much.
I can't remove her food bowl. I can't move the diapers from near the door. I don't want to. It is so different this time. I'm such a mess.
I just wanted to post because this site was so helpful to me in the past.
Thanks for reading this.
-Chris

[tanbuck]

Chris, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure you already know this, but take your time. Just keep breathing in deep. Even when we think we've prepared ourselves, it suddenly feels like we haven't prepared at all. I thought my biggest fear & concern was Frasier's death so I tried so hard to "prepare" for it but after he died I found out the worst part was living without him! I'm sorry you're feeling all of this.
Please keep posting. It's no consolation but it sounds like you did the right thing for you Maki.
-Donna