I Surrender! Options

[I miss mouses]

I miss u mouses...

Tomorrow you will have been gone for 8 months. When I first joined this site I remember reading other pet memorials. As the months went on, the memorials got shorter and shorter. With tear filled eyes I could see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. There was such a difference between the first posts and the 7, 8, 9...month posts. I often use to think it was sad too, like maybe some people really did move on. I didn't want to move on, not yet anyway. Many had new pets and were enjoying life again. I had just lost you, it seemed impossible. My baby gone....FOREVER. I couldn't breathe. I did not want to live one single day without you. Death had found us, and I was so angry. I lost my best friend. I lost my happy place. How was I to face this world without you? I continued to read those posts, and hung on every word. Pages and pages of people who lost a bond as strong as ours.

When I first went to write today I was going to write a simple, "I love you Mouses." I paused at the blank screen, and remembered what I had thought of people like me at the beginning. I was now them, but I realized something. We aren't writing so little because we love or miss you all any less. We didn't forget you. From my point of view, I have decided we write less because we have been defeated. Death won. I don't quite call it acceptance. I accepted your death a long, long, time ago. I call it surrendering. Surrendering to death. I wrote before about how exhausted I am. I am exhausted Mouses. I have cried endless tears, lost too much weight, lost too much sleep, and have been trying to save you for the last 8 months. I can't save you. I can't bring you in sooner. I can't do anything. I have said, thought, and wrote every single thing there is to say. I can't change one single thing. I lost you. I really lost you. I stand alone in a big world without you. I wish you didn't have to go, but you did. I wasn't done, but somebody else decided I was. I guess that's why it hurts so much. I didn't just lose you (which alone is awful enough). I lost my closure with you. Where is our long goodbye that I assumed we would have? Why my soul kitty? Why out of all my cats, did you have to have the sudden ending?

I love you Mouses. I miss you. I have been through all the stages of grief. I am now left with just missing you. I finally learned to be happy for you. I am glad your tummy no longer hurts. I am glad you can breathe again. I am happy your legs aren't collapsing on you anymore (you looked so confused). My kitty, my baby, I wish there was another way to ease your pain, but there wasn't. When I hug Buddy it is for you sometimes, can you feel it? You have passed the baton. Your job of emotionally supporting me is now over. Did you send him to me? Did you die to save his life? You knew I would be the person to bring him back to life. He is very happy now, he is no longer hurting. I would rather have you, but he is a wonderful substitute for you. I sometimes feel like he now shares his body with your soul. He has brought back so much of what I missed about you. He sounds like you, looks like you, and now acts like you. He hounds the pantry like you. He runs around spastically like you (and hops around like a bunny). He is food and water obsessed. He wakes me up in the morning. He sits behind me while I type (he is behind me right now...exactly where you would have been). He gives me that stare, like I am supposed to read his mind. He is a chicken like you were. Like you, he flies through the house when he hears the dishes make that sound, or when a can is opened. Best of all (like you) he follows me everywhere. I miss you by my side. When you died I felt like a part of my body was missing. I had lost my shadow. Buddy has brought it back to me.

I will never be over the loss of you. I will never forget you. You are very, very close to my heart. I love you my sweetheart, always and forever. Goodbye my Mouses. I love you. I miss my old life...I really do.

8 months closer to seeing that face...

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Chris, I read your post yesterday and tried so hard to find the words to express what I want to tell you. I couldn't find the words. I am so sorry! Please, believe me when I tell you that I know, truly know, the gut wrenching pain, grief, loneliness and devastation you are experiencing. Oh, how I wish none of us could feel the way we do. It's gawd awful! And, no one can tell you when you'll even begin to feel better because it's different for each one of us.

Two years has passed as of October 14th through 16th since my loss took place and I still cry practically every day. But, I must admit that I am much better. Just taking a really long time perhaps due to the circumstances of my Rainbow Baby's abduction? I don't know. There's a lot that I just do not know. One thing I do know is your feelings of loss, despair and agony. If only it were possible, I'd wave my magic wand and make those feelings go away from you as well as each and every one of us. Alas, I can't do that. However, I can express myself to you using images I've created and a song that's very fitting.

I did gift this to my baby boy, but using different images and different video. These images, I made for this post beginning yesterday and finished today. There's Mufasa Lion King Cat up in Heaven looking joyfully down as he watches his son Simba growing. See Simba lion cat in the walking animation as he grows from a baby all the way to adulthood along with his friends. His dad Mufasa is so very happy because he knows that he lives on in his son Simba. The Lion King Cat knows he lives on in all the hearts and souls of those he's touched and they live on in all the hearts and souls they touch. And, it's never ending. Infinite. Eternal. Fact. Such is one form of the Circle of Life.

Like part of this song goes, "Some of us fall by the wayside and some of us soar to the Stars. And some of us sail though our troubles. And some have to live with the scars." Dear One, I hope and pray with all my being that you and everyone who has suffered such a loss will most definitely not have to live with the scars.

Chris, may one day, the wonderful memories you have of your precious Angel fur baby Mouses be lovely, beautiful and comforting instead of only serving as hurtful reminders of your loss. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this most difficult time in your life. I Wish You Peace!!!

"The Circle of Life"


From the day we arrive on the planet,
And blinking, step into the Sun.
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen,
More to do than can ever be done.

Some say eat or be eaten.
Some say live and let live.
But all are agreed in the jointless the stampede,
You should never take more than you give.

In the Circle of Life!

It's the wheel of Fortune.
It's the leap of Faith.
It's the band of Hope.

Till we find our Place,
On the Path Unwinding in the Circle.
The Circle of Life!

Some of us fall by the wayside,
And some of us soar to the Stars.
And some of us sail through our troubles.
And some have to live with the scars.

There's far too much to take in here.
More to find than can ever be found.
But the sun rolling high,
Through the sapphire Sky,
Keeps the great and small on the endless round.

In the Circle of Life!

It's the Wheel of Fortune.
It's the Leap of Faith.
It's the Band of Hope.

Till we find our Place,
On the Path Unwinding
In the Circle.

The Circle of Life!

It's the Wheel of Fortune. Yeah!
It's the Leap of Faith.
It's the Band of Hope.

Till we find our Place,
On the Path Unwinding, Yeah!
In the Circle.

The Circle of Life!





Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[I miss mouses]

Dear Dottie,

I've always said I could deal with death, I cannot deal with missing... My heart goes out to you as you pass another anniversary date without Alex. I have one cat in my life that went missing, and it is a very hard thing to let go of. With death we have the peace of knowing they are well cared for. I've always wondered what that little kitty went through. It is so hard not to be there for them in their time of need. I feel your pain. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thanks for taking the time to post such wonderful images for all of us. Your post was so appropriately picked for me. That is the song that was played at my Father's funeral (picked by my sister). I almost feel as though he was speaking to me. Thanks for having such a big heart and taking the time to help all of us, especially when you have your own loss to deal with.

Take care, Chris