I Never Knew It Would Hurt This Bad Options

[Cyoung5555]

My 13-year old Maine Coon, Franklin, passed away on September 26th. He was suffering from a number of medical issues which were beginning to cause him pain and had greatly deteriorated his quality of life. For the past 4 weeks, my husband and I agonized over his decline, thinking that he could pass away any day. On September 25th we made the decision to put him to sleep. To make it easier on him, we asked the vet to come to our house. He hated the car and the vet and we wanted him to be comfortable. For 15 hours we cried and tried to make our last hours together special, even though he didn't really know who we were anymore. The act of putting him to sleep was incredibly painful for me to watch as was the act of burying him.

I feel like I am so sad that I can barely breathe. I feel incredibly guilty for making the decision to put him to sleep. I feel like there is a whole in my heart and all of the air is leaking out of me. I knew that I loved Franklin like he was my baby, but I never knew that it would hurt this bad.

[tanbuck]

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you didn't have to be on this forum but you have come to the right place. I put my cat, Frasier to sleep at home 1 month ago yesterday. I understand the pain you are feeling and that suffocating feeling that just doesn't seem to go away in those first few days. It almost feels like you are trying to breathe under water.
It sounds like you did the right thing even though you may doubt yourself at times. I know what you mean about not realizing how it would hit you. I always dreaded the day one of my pets would die and I knew that the process would be more than difficult but the aftermath has been so devastating. I knew Frasier was an important part of our lives for the past 14 years but the hole in our home is much larger than I ever anticipated. It just seems to linger.
Anyway, I am very sorry for you. Just keep trying to take deep breaths and let yourself feel whatever comes to you. Keep posting.
-Donna