It Was Just Their Time, Right?, soul searching Options

[I miss mouses]

I keep thinking about it being their time or not. I keep thinking about all of us going through the guilt, and the "what if's." I suffer from this greatly, although I have come along way since January. Something clicked yesterday, and it made me feel like it was really just her time. Maybe it really was just their time. I keep wondering could we really go to heaven and find out we could of had a different ending? What kind of heaven would that be if I get there and ask, "what would of happened if I had left Mouses at the emergency vets to stabilize instead of taking her home to die?" Could the answer I'm dying to hear really be a negative one...such as, "Oh, I'm sorry you should have left her there she would have recovered?" "Oh, I'm sorry if you would have brought her in when she fell Monday, she would have made it." I just can't believe that is true...for any of us.

I started to think of peace. How could God bring us all peace. I can't imagine a God would add to our pain and misery. God could ease all of our pain with one simple sentence, "It was just their time." Can you imagine the peace that would bring? It is easy to comfort ourselves with that thought, but could you imagine if it was really true? God could also just say, "EVERYTHING (including how we spent time with them) went the way it was supposed to go." Such simple sentences that could erase all of our guilt, and all of our wondering. All of our questions would be hushed.

This thought has been helping me heal. I really can't imagine the horror of finding out we could have changed things. I am trying really hard to just believe it is just their time. We all share a common thread. God could really ease all of our pain so easily. No more wondering, "if only." If only I didn't feed him/her that...if only I took him/her in sooner...if only we hadn't went on vacation...if only we hadn't gone on that walk....if only I gave him/her their medicine better...if only I played with him/her more...if only I didn't let him/her out that morning...if only I brought him/her to the vet more often (we could have caught this sooner). All of that would be gone. God simply says, "IT WAS JUST THEIR TIME...EVERYTHING WENT THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO." A simple way to ease the pain of millions (for all losses/tragedies).

I see a lot of us second guess our actions. Maybe we don't have as much control as we think. For me part of it did feel like I was on autopilot. The inside part of me was struggling to bring Mouses back to the ER. The outside part of me just kept going with the flow...every pain staking minute. Sometimes I really do feel like it was out of our hands. It was just happening, and we sadly just had to sit back and watch it happen.

I will try to believe it was just her time...it is a very peaceful feeling. Then your just left with love, memories, and missing them until we see them again. I would take that over the hell I am putting myself through anyday. Some of us torture ourselves way too much. We were/are good pet owners. We love our babies with all of our hearts. We would have done anything to have saved them, but it was out of our hands. They couldn't live forever...we always knew this. We always knew we would spend a way bigger chunk of our lives without them than with them. To heal we have to accept it was just their time, whether we like it or not.

[tokolos]

I thought about this a lot since Friday, when we brought Magnus to the vet to have him put to sleep. I've been asking myself if I made the right decision, if he would have been okay for another day or week, if I really did the right thing, eventhough he seemed to be suffering so much.

My mind keeps moving between knowing that I made the right choice (he wasn't eating or moving or breathing without pain) and wondering if maybe he would have gotten better if I stayed home with him or asked the vet for medicine. I keep asking myself what was fair to him, not me. Doing everything I could to keep him here as long as possible would have been more for me than him, but I can't help but wonder what I could have done to have just one more day to lie beside him in the sun.

My mind tells me that there's a clear difference between their time and our time. I suppose that I just wish that someone would explain it to my heart.

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[I miss mouses]

I thought about this a lot since Friday, when we brought Magnus to the vet to have him put to sleep. I've been asking myself if I made the right decision, if he would have been okay for another day or week, if I really did the right thing, eventhough he seemed to be suffering so much.

My mind keeps moving between knowing that I made the right choice (he wasn't eating or moving or breathing without pain) and wondering if maybe he would have gotten better if I stayed home with him or asked the vet for medicine. I keep asking myself what was fair to him, not me. Doing everything I could to keep him here as long as possible would have been more for me than him, but I can't help but wonder what I could have done to have just one more day to lie beside him in the sun.

My mind tells me that there's a clear difference between their time and our time. I suppose that I just wish that someone would explain it to my heart.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Magnus. Such a cutie!

I know your pain all to well. My kitty wasn't eating, moving, or breathing without pain either. We (you and I) made the right choice. We did what was best for them. Could we have made them linger, probably? The vet I saw that night pulled me aside from my family. She knew I was "that kind." She said, "every now and then I run across a strong bond like this." She begged me to do the right thing. She knew I didn't want to let go. She said, "sometimes we have to do what's best for them, and not ourselves." She was right. She told me cats can linger a long time. Had Mouses been able to breath, I would have waited longer. It was all happening too fast. I needed more time. Like all of the other pets Mouses hid it very well, for her this wasn't happening too fast. It had been happening for a long time. She didn't need more time. I did. We love them too much to see it. Their cute furry unchanged bodies confuse us.

Something to think about...A few months after Mouses died I got the flu. My temp was 103 degrees. I felt like death. It was a very awakening time in my grieving. It is easy to think of dragging out their endings when your sitting there healthy. There will come a day when you will come down with something, you will think of how awful you feel, and you will be glad you let your Magnus go when you did. They looked adorable, but they felt like ~~!

It is hard when you don't know the other side to the story. I think this site helps with that. You get to see both sides. Those who wait longer, and those who don't. It is a no-win situation for most. You gain something, but lose something else. It would have been nice (REALLY NICE) to have a little bit longer to say goodbye, but it was just their time.

Take care, Chris