It Was Just Their Time, Right?, soul searching Options

[I miss mouses]

I keep thinking about it being their time or not. I keep thinking about all of us going through the guilt, and the "what if's." I suffer from this greatly, although I have come along way since January. Something clicked yesterday, and it made me feel like it was really just her time. Maybe it really was just their time. I keep wondering could we really go to heaven and find out we could of had a different ending? What kind of heaven would that be if I get there and ask, "what would of happened if I had left Mouses at the emergency vets to stabilize instead of taking her home to die?" Could the answer I'm dying to hear really be a negative one...such as, "Oh, I'm sorry you should have left her there she would have recovered?" "Oh, I'm sorry if you would have brought her in when she fell Monday, she would have made it." I just can't believe that is true...for any of us.

I started to think of peace. How could God bring us all peace. I can't imagine a God would add to our pain and misery. God could ease all of our pain with one simple sentence, "It was just their time." Can you imagine the peace that would bring? It is easy to comfort ourselves with that thought, but could you imagine if it was really true? God could also just say, "EVERYTHING (including how we spent time with them) went the way it was supposed to go." Such simple sentences that could erase all of our guilt, and all of our wondering. All of our questions would be hushed.

This thought has been helping me heal. I really can't imagine the horror of finding out we could have changed things. I am trying really hard to just believe it is just their time. We all share a common thread. God could really ease all of our pain so easily. No more wondering, "if only." If only I didn't feed him/her that...if only I took him/her in sooner...if only we hadn't went on vacation...if only we hadn't gone on that walk....if only I gave him/her their medicine better...if only I played with him/her more...if only I didn't let him/her out that morning...if only I brought him/her to the vet more often (we could have caught this sooner). All of that would be gone. God simply says, "IT WAS JUST THEIR TIME...EVERYTHING WENT THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO." A simple way to ease the pain of millions (for all losses/tragedies).

I see a lot of us second guess our actions. Maybe we don't have as much control as we think. For me part of it did feel like I was on autopilot. The inside part of me was struggling to bring Mouses back to the ER. The outside part of me just kept going with the flow...every pain staking minute. Sometimes I really do feel like it was out of our hands. It was just happening, and we sadly just had to sit back and watch it happen.

I will try to believe it was just her time...it is a very peaceful feeling. Then your just left with love, memories, and missing them until we see them again. I would take that over the hell I am putting myself through anyday. Some of us torture ourselves way too much. We were/are good pet owners. We love our babies with all of our hearts. We would have done anything to have saved them, but it was out of our hands. They couldn't live forever...we always knew this. We always knew we would spend a way bigger chunk of our lives without them than with them. To heal we have to accept it was just their time, whether we like it or not.