I Lost My Best Friend Keesha Recently Options

[trevor]

Hi everyone, I lost my best friend of 13 years about a month ago. I've been lost without her. I found this site a couple weeks ago and its been a Godsend as its helped so much to know that others loved their pets and miss them as much as I do. I was beginning to think I was crazy. I finally feel up to actually post my/Keesha's story. I had to have my lab/husky mix put down on July 1st and the pain has been unbearable since. I still can't believe she is gone.

I adopted Keesha from our local animal shelter in 1996 when she was 8 weeks old. She was the best dog a person could ask for. Other than going to work she did everything with me and anyone who came into contact with her loved her. Well on Sunday night, June 28, I let her out to use the bathroom before going to bed. A few minutes later I hear her crying so I run outside to check on her and see she's holding her front left leg in the air and appeared to be in a lot of pain. I carried her inside and called the vet. she said she probably just sprained it but if she's not feeling better in the morning bring her in.

She wasn't feeling better the next morning so i take her in and the vet immediately determined she broke her leg....she did an x-ray to confirm it. She told me she would need a plate put in and they don't do that locally. She got on the phone and attempted to set up surgery but nobody had the right supplies in stock and it would be atleast two or three days before they could get them in(which baffled me how none of these places had the right equipment and my poor dog is suffering with a broken leg). Anyway my vet calls me Tuesday morning and found a vet that could do the surgery....although it was 4 hours away!

So my wife and I borrow her sisters mini-van so we could put Keesha's bed in the back and she could have a somewhat comfortable 4 hour ride to this place. So we finally get there.....my wife takes the x-ray and paperwork inside and I sit on the back of the van with Keesha and comfort her. The technician comes out a few minutes later and asks me if my vet said anything to me about cancer. I told him no and asked him why. He said he's never seen a dog break their leg in that area unless they were hit by a vehicle or something along those lines....never just trotting outside. So he was going to go take a digital x-ray to see if they could say for sure. He picks up Keesha and away they go.

He comes back out and says he still can't tell for sure and they won't know until they go into surgery. If its cancerous he said they could amputate her leg and depending on how much its spread i could still get 6-12 months with her. So we were going to do that if they did find out it was cancer. I hated the thought of my baby only having three legs and most likely ending her days of going on walks with me but it was better than the alternative...putting her down. Anyway, they couldn't do the surgery until the next morning and wanted to keep her down there that day so we decided to go home and would come back on Thursday morning to pick her up....best case they don't find any cancer and go ahead and put the plate in and worst case they see a cancerous spot and amputate her leg but i still get 6-12 months with her.

They call me at work the next morning and say they still can't tell if the spot by the break is cancer so they were going to go ahead and put the plate in...obviously good news. Twenty minutes later the surgeon calls back and says he found a large tumor on the other side of her leg and a hole where the cancer started eating through her leg.....causing the break. My heart sank....he told me they could go ahead and amputate the leg but its most likely spread to her chest and lungs by this point and I'd get 3-5 months at the most and where bone cancer is so aggessive she would go down hill fast and it would be very painful for her. He recommended eutheninizing her while she was already under and she wouldn't feel a thing and would go out peacefully. As much as i didn't want to do that I realized it was best for her so that's what we did.

Besides missing her like crazy the worst part of this is I wasn't able to say good-bye to her. I feel now like i took her down there and left her with a bunch of strangers to die. Her last 16 hours on earth were with people she didn't even know. I feel horrible about that......the last time I saw her we were sitting on the back of the van and then they grab her and take her off so fast i didn't even get to kiss her or say good-bye.....Now I'm second guessing myself thinking i should have atleast drove the 4 hours down there and had the vet let her come awake long enough for me to see her one last time and say good-bye to her the way she deserved after the 13 great years she gave me. Would that have been fair to her though to wake her up just so i can say good-bye and then putting her through the whole euthenization process?? I don't know but I just miss her so much and hope she knew how much I loved her! sorry this is so long..my apologies. Just feels good to vent. Thanks for listening.

[trevor]

Patricia and Lynette, thanks. You've both been very helpful during this difficult time. The weekends seem to be the hardest....too much free time to just think. Right about now Keesha, my wife and I would be heading out to get something to eat and get groceries....that was our friday routine and Keesha always knew when it was grocery night....I have no idea how but they just have a way of knowing things that you wouldn't think they should. Now that we have the new pup she goes by herself and I stay at home with the pup as we just don't dare leave her in the truck by herself yet. Small things like that really get to me.

"keesha is there now most likely chasing my Fred and Riley. her legs are fine and her arthritis is all gone." I sure hope you're right Patricia. I do try to think positive like that but its still so hard not having her around. I still think she would have preferred to come home with us and deal with the pain than to leave us for a better place. She was a tough girl and would have been willing to deal with the suffering to be with her family. I do know though that wouldn't have been the right decision.

"I used to think they didn't come to me because they were mad at me." That's what I've been thinking lately....is she mad at me because I wasn't with her in the end? Is she mad because I didn't bring her home?

"Do you ever wonder if an animal knows its time is near?" I think they do know....or i hope they know. After Keesha broke her leg on that Sunday night and I couldn't get her into surgery immediately I had to consider putting her down on tuesday morning. She was in so much pain. I was going to go see my vet and ask her if she could do it now. I told Keesha before I went over that your pain was going to end today....I won't let you suffer anymore. She perked up a little and licked my face. My vet talked me out of it and was able to find someone to do the surgery. As we driving that 4 hour ride she was laying down but had her head perked up the whole time watching me drive. I was so proud of her knowing how much pain she was in...she was in such good spirits. Once we got there waiting for them to come out and get her we sat on the back of the van. She plopped down beside me and laid her head on my lap for about ten minutes looking up at me occasionally with those beautiful brown eyes. I think she might have known something.....I think she might have been saying good-bye to me. I don't know for sure obviously but maybe they do have that sixth sense and know when their time is up. The technician took her from there and that was the last time I saw her. I'll never forget that moment.

[patricia]

[quote name='trevor' date='Aug 7 2009, 02:54 PM' post='52166']


"keesha is there now most likely chasing my Fred and Riley. her legs are fine and her arthritis is all gone." I sure hope you're right Patricia. I do try to think positive like that but its still so hard not having her around. I still think she would have preferred to come home with us and deal with the pain than to leave us for a better place. She was a tough girl and would have been willing to deal with the suffering to be with her family. I do know though that wouldn't have been the right decision.

"I used to think they didn't come to me because they were mad at me." That's what I've been thinking lately....is she mad at me because I wasn't with her in the end? Is she mad because I didn't bring her home?



i know its so hard not to have her around. i miss mine every single day of the year. yes and i know weekends are the hardest. too much time to think right? your right, i think keesha would have come home with you in a heartbeat. they are so brave. but i think you made the right decision out of your love for her. and i dont doubt she knows that. and i can tell you 100% that keesha's not mad at you. they are not capable of having that emotion. they are born all love. thats the beauty of it all. they love us deeply till their last breathe. let go of that guilt trevor. i know its easier said than done but just remember that sometimes we project our own feelings on to them, because thats how we would feel. but we have to remember that they jus know how to love us. thats it. forgive yourself. thats what she would want for you....

you are in my thoughts and prayers. how is the new little one doing?