Please Help Me....our Baby Died Yesterday & I Think We Killed Her, I don't know how to deal with this Options

[britneysmom]

Oh my. Help. I can barely type this through my tears.

**Warning: This post has the terrible details of my Britney's death, so if you're already sad about your own loss, you may not want to read it. It might, however, make you feel better because I believe my husband and I are responsible for her death, whereas the majority of people here probably aren't responsible for their pets' deaths.**

Our sweet and obliging 8-yr-old greyhound, Britney Boopers, died yesterday after a 1 hour walk. We're pretty sure she had heat stroke because we measured her body temp at over 106 after she died. We spoke to our vet on the phone, and he thought it was either heat stroke or a heart attack, or both because of how sudden it was.

We went for a walk we had done many times before around a pond in our area. She seemed fine....nothing at all out of the ordinary....just heavy panting which she has always done on longer walks, even in cool weather. But there were no other signs of heat stroke like dizziness, lying down, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. It was 85 degrees with a warmish and sometimes cool breeze, so we weren't concerned about the heat especially since we had gone out and done the same walk in the past in hotter weather and at the same slow pace. It wasn't humid. We took several breaks in the shade and a long water break where we poured water on her back and stomach to make sure she was cool. She seemed totally fine, even running ahead of us to the end of her leash.

So, what happened? About 50 meters from the end of our walk, her right hind leg looked wobbly. We stopped and checked for thorns. Nothing. After I put her paw down, she just collapsed on the grass and wouldn't get up. When she finally did stand after much coaxing, she was wobbly. My husband picked her up and we ran to the truck, cranked up the A/C and doused her with water. We didn't know what was happening, thinking she had a heart attack or stroke.

My husband drove as fast as he could to get us home. Of course, we didn't have our cell phones. STUPID! Not that that would have helped because it would have taken the vet another 30 minutes to come in anyway, and she would have been long gone. But still, it was a stupid move on our part to not have our cell phones. So, I sat with her in the back of the truck trying to comfort her and pouring water on her body. But, she just lay there. Her breathing got slower and more labored and her tongue turned purple. We stopped at the fire station across from our house, thinking they could help, but the doors were all locked and noone heard us banging and screaming.

My husband (a physician) put her on the grass by the fire station entry and performed mouth-to-mouth on her, but it was too late. He felt her heart go into tachycardia and then she died. He kept doing mouth-to-mouth and chest compressions to no avail. Finally, a fireman did come out and he went back in to get an air pumper thing. A few minutes of that did nothing, though. Britney was dead.

I pray for God to forgive us for killing her. I hope she forgives her stupid humans for killing her. Oh help!

I feel so guilty and stupid. At the same time, I know we couldn't have saved her because her symptoms came on just before she died. She looked and acted so normal!!!! What could we have done???? We should never have gone on that walk!!!!!!! Maybe we could have saved her if we had dunked her in the pond. But that didn't occur to us then b/c we thought she had a stroke.

I keep calling out her name. I found a few paw prints in the carpet and places where she scratched and am trying to preserve them. I can't stop smelling her blanket. I keep apologizing to her dead body for our ignorance. I wish we could rewind the day and that we had never taken that one last walk.

I'm a mess. I keep playing this game of blame, no blame, turn back the clock, get on with it she's gone, she's in heaven, where is she, why is it so quiet, why did we go on that walk, what an ignorant and stupid dog owner you were, how could you have known. I need your help! How do I deal with this?

[ceaserthings]

Hi,
I am also one of those who feel very guilty for my dog's death.
I feel bad because my dog started to vomit and I didn't take him to the vet right away...
we thought he just ate too much. We wanted to wait a night and wait until the morning which was a HUGE mistake...
Had I just taken him in right then he would have been alive!! My husband event took the car to
get his stupid brother who was stuck while Ceaser was dying and sick because we thought he was just a little ill from eating too much!
Instead of rescuing his idiot brother , I should have rescued my dog instead!! I should have taken my dog in!
I am very very upset and I know how you feel about this...I know it isn't my fault nor yours...they go when they go...and there is a reason for it!
I still am NOT over it but I have wonderful support from Dottie!
Hang in there...

[britneysmom]

Ceasersthings, I am so sorry for your loss! Try, try to not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and everything right.

Reading what you wrote helped me understand my situation better. I am so grateful that you shared your feelings here. You see, when I read your post, my reaction is, "This person should not be blaming herself. How could she have known? She did what any great pet mom would have done. She did nothing wrong. I would have done the same thing. I hope she can get past her guilt and see that she did nothing wrong."

I hope you can read my post and think the same thing. Then, when you feel pangs of guilt, remember that and apply it to yourself.

When I feel the guilt creeping in, I am going to remember your post and how there is no blame. And then I am going to try my best to apply that to myself.

Ceaserthings, I will keep you at the forefront of my thoughts. Hang in there and try to go easy on yourself. Your baby would want you to. There is no blame except that which we make up in out minds. ***HUG***