How Can It Hurt This Much?, Lost my Baby Duke Options

[dukesmom]

Hello All:

I happened upon this site today looking for any and everything to ease my grief. I lost my baby Duke this past weekend. He was hit by a car right in front of our house. He was only 9 months old and he was my everything. Although we initial got him for my two daughters he quickly became my dog. I was his mother and loved him as just like my children.

We bought Duke home when he was eight weeks old. We had been told by everyone to train him in the crate and make sure that he sleeps in the crate at night. He quickly let us know that was not going to work. He cried and cried until my husband and I put him in bed with us. He slept with us everynight from that point forward and was not happy unless he was right up under me with his head in my lap. I woke up every morning to his kisses. We played and I brushed him down, took him for walk and fed him. He would lay back in my bed and fall a sleep while I got dressed for work. In the evenings he would jump up in the living room window as soon as he heard my car. He would greet me with love as soon as I walked in the door and was my shawdow. He went everywhere with me and everyone would comment on how spoiled he was. I loved him with my whole heart and he loved me back without conditions. My husband and daughters loved Duke very much also and are dealing with their own grief, but they all seem to be better off then me.

I am having such a difficult time dealing with my grief and guilt. I feel like I didn't protect him and that it is somehow our fault that he is not here anymore. He was just a baby and I imagined many more years of happiness and growing with him. I am so sadden by his sudden death. My husband buried him in the back yard and I keep looking out the window in sorrow.

Everyone is telling us to get another dog because it helps. My husband and kids are on board but I am not readly. I loved Duke so completely, I don't know if I can do it again.

Any help anyone can provide is appreciated. I am truly stuggling with this.

[patricia]

dear dukes mom

im so very sorry to hear about your loss. can i tell you something that ive never told anyone? ive had my little puppy lucy for about (wow time flies) five months now. deep inside, i always wondered how dogs got away, or ran away or why tragic things happened to our pets. i know it was not right but i swore that bad things would never happen to my dog because i would take care of her better than anyone else. how wrong i was. lucy although she is the light of my life, has been a little terror since day one. i love her dearly but she is a handful. for someone that thought she could take care of this dog better than anyone could, let me tell you that she has been in the hospital, now five times. and she has run away from me. everytime i think of that day, i feel something awful. i was so lucky because i live in a quiet street. however if a car had been coming, she would not be with me right now and im not just saying that because shes with me. she was running so fast, she wouldnt have had time to stop. she didnt even bother to look for uncoming cars. she just ran. luckily she came back but i now know that lucys purpose in life was to first, teach me that my thinking was wrong and that i cannot judge.
my dear, what happened was an accident. a tragic one, but an accident none the less. little duke was a puppy and even if he wasnt, they do things in the blink of an eye. this was not anyones fault. in fact, you gave him the best months of his life and he knew he was your special little boy. he knew you loved him. please take comfort in that.
please be good to yourself. take time to grieve and dont rush it. go outside and talk with him, let him know that there will come a day when you will be together again. building a little memorial for duke might help you. i know when i built one for my cat fred, it helped me a lot.
please excuse my rambling but i also feel compelled to respond to getting another dog. ive written my story many times and im afraid people are getting tired of reading it over and over so i will make it as simple as possible. when fred died ot too long ago, i was shattered. hed been a part of my life for 14 years. prior to that id lost his brother of 13 and before that lost our family dogs and cats. everytime one passed, my family swore they would never get another dog or cat. my cats were my very first pets, alone. i finally moved out and they were my responsiblity and when they both left me, well i cant describe the pain and the hole in my heart. and although i thought i would never hear myself saying this but i was battling whether or not i would ever get another pet. the pain was so great. if i did, it would be in 6 months, maybe in a year or at least when i could talk about fred and riley without breaking down. but a week after freds passing, my apt manager caught me outside. this was really wierd as i never saw her outside ever. how interesting that this particular night she was outside. she asked to talk to me and as we walked back to my apt, she told me about a little dog that had had a hard start to her life. she was only four months old and needed a forever home. i was speechless. how could i take in a dog when i was devestated over fred. turns out she had no idea fred had died... (how could she? i hadnt told anyone) to make a long story short. i took her in but in my mind promised myself i wouldnt love her. i would only give her a roof and feed her. that was it. well the first night was just terrible. i cried so much because i missed my fred so much more and i (yes i did) called my friends to come get her. at the time i didnt care where they took her as long as she and all of her belongings were gone. but they talked me down and i had a "moment" with lucy where our eyes met and i could tell she knew i was unhappy with her. her big brown eyes begged me not to give her away again. i vowed to make it work and five months later, i cant imagine my life without her. dukes mom, she played a big part in my healing. she dried up my tears and put a smile on my face as well as a big hole in my wallet.
i know that you cant even begin to imagine another one. but consider this. duke does not want you to be unhappy. animals are 100% love and only want to see you laugh and smile. AND, i know fred had a big "paw" in my having lucy in my life. he knew i was sad and wanted his momma to be happy again. hes "upstairs" now laughing his little head off because he never gave me any trouble. now, trouble lives with me in the form of a little terrior.
take it very slow: one day at a time and one day you will feel ready for a new little one that will NEVER replace duke but will bring joy and laughter into that sad heart of yours.

please keep writing. its very healing and know that you are not alone. we are here for you
patricia

[dukesmom]

Patricia:

Thanks so much for your story. Reading the similiar experiences has help me tremendously. We live on a pretty busy street and it was always my fear that this would happen. I was always careful as a result but Duke was so fast and there is no way that any of us could have caught him. His mind was set on the task. He was a stubborn little thing and I loved him b/c of his wonderful personality. I will miss him everyday and hope that I don't allow fear to keep me from opening my heart to another pet someday. Thanks again for your understanding. This is really helping me deal with the different emotions I feel on a daily basis.

Dukesmom

dear dukes mom

im so very sorry to hear about your loss. can i tell you something that ive never told anyone? ive had my little puppy lucy for about (wow time flies) five months now. deep inside, i always wondered how dogs got away, or ran away or why tragic things happened to our pets. i know it was not right but i swore that bad things would never happen to my dog because i would take care of her better than anyone else. how wrong i was. lucy although she is the light of my life, has been a little terror since day one. i love her dearly but she is a handful. for someone that thought she could take care of this dog better than anyone could, let me tell you that she has been in the hospital, now five times. and she has run away from me. everytime i think of that day, i feel something awful. i was so lucky because i live in a quiet street. however if a car had been coming, she would not be with me right now and im not just saying that because shes with me. she was running so fast, she wouldnt have had time to stop. she didnt even bother to look for uncoming cars. she just ran. luckily she came back but i now know that lucys purpose in life was to first, teach me that my thinking was wrong and that i cannot judge.
my dear, what happened was an accident. a tragic one, but an accident none the less. little duke was a puppy and even if he wasnt, they do things in the blink of an eye. this was not anyones fault. in fact, you gave him the best months of his life and he knew he was your special little boy. he knew you loved him. please take comfort in that.
please be good to yourself. take time to grieve and dont rush it. go outside and talk with him, let him know that there will come a day when you will be together again. building a little memorial for duke might help you. i know when i built one for my cat fred, it helped me a lot.
please excuse my rambling but i also feel compelled to respond to getting another dog. ive written my story many times and im afraid people are getting tired of reading it over and over so i will make it as simple as possible. when fred died ot too long ago, i was shattered. hed been a part of my life for 14 years. prior to that id lost his brother of 13 and before that lost our family dogs and cats. everytime one passed, my family swore they would never get another dog or cat. my cats were my very first pets, alone. i finally moved out and they were my responsiblity and when they both left me, well i cant describe the pain and the hole in my heart. and although i thought i would never hear myself saying this but i was battling whether or not i would ever get another pet. the pain was so great. if i did, it would be in 6 months, maybe in a year or at least when i could talk about fred and riley without breaking down. but a week after freds passing, my apt manager caught me outside. this was really wierd as i never saw her outside ever. how interesting that this particular night she was outside. she asked to talk to me and as we walked back to my apt, she told me about a little dog that had had a hard start to her life. she was only four months old and needed a forever home. i was speechless. how could i take in a dog when i was devestated over fred. turns out she had no idea fred had died... (how could she? i hadnt told anyone) to make a long story short. i took her in but in my mind promised myself i wouldnt love her. i would only give her a roof and feed her. that was it. well the first night was just terrible. i cried so much because i missed my fred so much more and i (yes i did) called my friends to come get her. at the time i didnt care where they took her as long as she and all of her belongings were gone. but they talked me down and i had a "moment" with lucy where our eyes met and i could tell she knew i was unhappy with her. her big brown eyes begged me not to give her away again. i vowed to make it work and five months later, i cant imagine my life without her. dukes mom, she played a big part in my healing. she dried up my tears and put a smile on my face as well as a big hole in my wallet.
i know that you cant even begin to imagine another one. but consider this. duke does not want you to be unhappy. animals are 100% love and only want to see you laugh and smile. AND, i know fred had a big "paw" in my having lucy in my life. he knew i was sad and wanted his momma to be happy again. hes "upstairs" now laughing his little head off because he never gave me any trouble. now, trouble lives with me in the form of a little terrior.
take it very slow: one day at a time and one day you will feel ready for a new little one that will NEVER replace duke but will bring joy and laughter into that sad heart of yours.

please keep writing. its very healing and know that you are not alone. we are here for you
patricia