Please Help,i Am Feeling So Sad Options

[Zoe]

Dear All,

I don't even know how or where to start with this.I will type as best as I can through my tears of sadness.6 weeks ago i came downstairs to feed my 3 beautiful staffies their breakfast.As usual they were all happy and everything was normal.But literally straight after breakfast,my eldest Levi who was 2 weeks away from 15 started sitting and stumbling about on the spot.She was crying and my 6 year old staffie Charlie started washing her trying to comfort her.I immediately knelt down to comfort her and see what was wrong.She ran away from me and was so tense and frightened.She has never been afraid of me and I felt terrible that I could not comfort her.She kept running from the front door to the back door almost as if she was having a panic attack,i'm not sure.I finally managed to settle her and comfort her.I knew there was something very wrong as she has always been a strong little girl who lived life to the full and was always happy and healthy.I phoned the vet straight away and rushed her in.She had sadly had a heart attack and was failing fast.She was almost lifeless in my arms and there was nothing I could do apart from kiss her and hold her.She was sadly put to sleep.I feel so much pain even though I know I have little comfort in knowing she lived a full happy life but it's so raw...I have now been dealt with another intolerable sadness.My beautiful sweatheart Magic my other staffie who was 10 was suddenly taken ill.She was sit and healthy,living life to the full but had started bringing up bile so i took her to the vet.She was showing no signs of illness apart the bile and and also slight loss of weight.The vet examined her and thought she may have an ulcer but there may be a chance of it being something more sinister.She was treated with medication but was rushed back to the vets as she was being sick.She was then investigated and the vet found she had a tumor in her intestine.There was nothing he could do.At 10 years old,I just feel I have cheated Magics life and cut it short as she was so incredibly happy and healthy.But I know deep,deep down there was nothing that could be done.The thought of a tumor in her makes me feel sick.I am so heart broken.I just feel so suffocated in sadness.They were my family.I still have my boy Charlie,but we are both so lost.They all got along so well and I did so much with them I just feel that life will never be the same.I hope i dont sound too sad to you all but I cant help it I just feel terrible.
Zoe ***

[patricia]

dear zoe

im so sorry for your losses. i know how unbearable the pain is right now. i lost both my kitties in less than a year and i cant imagine how hard it would have been to lose them within weeks. and no you dont sound too sad. you sound like someone who loved her staffies deeply and has now lost a part of her family. i wish i could be there to give you a big hug and give you my shoulder to cry on. i know there is really nothing i can say to make you feel better. but please know that we are here for you. please keep writing. its so very therapeutic. it will begin to heal your heart.
something i did to make me feel better was to build a little memorial for my little ones. on a bookshelf i put their litle dishes and some of their toys and collar. and everyday, i walk by and sometimes ill even talk to them. you see, i believe they can hear us. i believe that once they cross, they become our wonderful new gaurdian angels. if you believe that our sweet furbabies are gifts from our maker, then please be comforted in knowing that they are with him now.
this is the sad side of having a pet. the years and (hopefully) years of joy that they bring us must one day end. i am only five months into my new little one: Lucy my puppy. she came to me a week after fred passed away, although i didnt want her at first, and didnt go looking for her. now, shes the light of my life and even though shes only 11 months old, i worry so much that my time with her will fly. unfortunately with life comes death. its so hard for us because we are left behind and we wish we could speed up time and be reunited with them. but we must look at it as how blessed we were to have the time we did with them (some shorter than others).
take it minute by minute. dont rush your grieving. hold their toys, cry as much as you need to. (sometimes i had to muffle my screams into my pillow) and find peace knowing that levi and magic are ok now and they are looking after you. you will be reunited with them one day. i look forward to that day so much, when we will be able to call them by name and they will come running to us and jump in our arms. well be able to kiss them and hug them again. that day will come zoe. hold on to that and keep writing. and give charlie extra love and kisses ok? hes missing them too.

you are in my thoughts and prayers. i pray that your heart will find peace.
patricia