I Lost My Best Friend Keesha Recently Options

[trevor]

Hi everyone, I lost my best friend of 13 years about a month ago. I've been lost without her. I found this site a couple weeks ago and its been a Godsend as its helped so much to know that others loved their pets and miss them as much as I do. I was beginning to think I was crazy. I finally feel up to actually post my/Keesha's story. I had to have my lab/husky mix put down on July 1st and the pain has been unbearable since. I still can't believe she is gone.

I adopted Keesha from our local animal shelter in 1996 when she was 8 weeks old. She was the best dog a person could ask for. Other than going to work she did everything with me and anyone who came into contact with her loved her. Well on Sunday night, June 28, I let her out to use the bathroom before going to bed. A few minutes later I hear her crying so I run outside to check on her and see she's holding her front left leg in the air and appeared to be in a lot of pain. I carried her inside and called the vet. she said she probably just sprained it but if she's not feeling better in the morning bring her in.

She wasn't feeling better the next morning so i take her in and the vet immediately determined she broke her leg....she did an x-ray to confirm it. She told me she would need a plate put in and they don't do that locally. She got on the phone and attempted to set up surgery but nobody had the right supplies in stock and it would be atleast two or three days before they could get them in(which baffled me how none of these places had the right equipment and my poor dog is suffering with a broken leg). Anyway my vet calls me Tuesday morning and found a vet that could do the surgery....although it was 4 hours away!

So my wife and I borrow her sisters mini-van so we could put Keesha's bed in the back and she could have a somewhat comfortable 4 hour ride to this place. So we finally get there.....my wife takes the x-ray and paperwork inside and I sit on the back of the van with Keesha and comfort her. The technician comes out a few minutes later and asks me if my vet said anything to me about cancer. I told him no and asked him why. He said he's never seen a dog break their leg in that area unless they were hit by a vehicle or something along those lines....never just trotting outside. So he was going to go take a digital x-ray to see if they could say for sure. He picks up Keesha and away they go.

He comes back out and says he still can't tell for sure and they won't know until they go into surgery. If its cancerous he said they could amputate her leg and depending on how much its spread i could still get 6-12 months with her. So we were going to do that if they did find out it was cancer. I hated the thought of my baby only having three legs and most likely ending her days of going on walks with me but it was better than the alternative...putting her down. Anyway, they couldn't do the surgery until the next morning and wanted to keep her down there that day so we decided to go home and would come back on Thursday morning to pick her up....best case they don't find any cancer and go ahead and put the plate in and worst case they see a cancerous spot and amputate her leg but i still get 6-12 months with her.

They call me at work the next morning and say they still can't tell if the spot by the break is cancer so they were going to go ahead and put the plate in...obviously good news. Twenty minutes later the surgeon calls back and says he found a large tumor on the other side of her leg and a hole where the cancer started eating through her leg.....causing the break. My heart sank....he told me they could go ahead and amputate the leg but its most likely spread to her chest and lungs by this point and I'd get 3-5 months at the most and where bone cancer is so aggessive she would go down hill fast and it would be very painful for her. He recommended eutheninizing her while she was already under and she wouldn't feel a thing and would go out peacefully. As much as i didn't want to do that I realized it was best for her so that's what we did.

Besides missing her like crazy the worst part of this is I wasn't able to say good-bye to her. I feel now like i took her down there and left her with a bunch of strangers to die. Her last 16 hours on earth were with people she didn't even know. I feel horrible about that......the last time I saw her we were sitting on the back of the van and then they grab her and take her off so fast i didn't even get to kiss her or say good-bye.....Now I'm second guessing myself thinking i should have atleast drove the 4 hours down there and had the vet let her come awake long enough for me to see her one last time and say good-bye to her the way she deserved after the 13 great years she gave me. Would that have been fair to her though to wake her up just so i can say good-bye and then putting her through the whole euthenization process?? I don't know but I just miss her so much and hope she knew how much I loved her! sorry this is so long..my apologies. Just feels good to vent. Thanks for listening.

[lynette]

Hi Trevor.

So very sorry for your loss.

I know you feel guilty for not saying goodbye, don't. Would you have said goodbye? When we had to put our Hunny down April 4th (also from cancer) I didn't say goodbye - just "see you later". I don't know if there is anything after this life, but I sure hope so and I sure hope to see my little angel again someday. Saying goodbye just felt like it would be so final. We also lost Lily last June suddenly and so unexpectedly. That was totally devastating. We didn't get to say our last farewells either so I know how you feel. But I know in my heart that she knew just how much we loved her. We found out just days after losing Lily that Hunny had cancer. She had two toes amputated in hope of saving her life. But unfortunately, we had to make that dreadful decision to let her be with Lily April 4th. She was on painkillers for the last month. I've watched a dog die from cancer and it is not anything I would want anyone, let alone a dog go through. They don't understand what is happening to them and they are scared. So we let Hunny go. I will always wonder if we did it at the right time. Could we have waited longer? Probably, but the tumour was wide open on her foot again and others were popping up. Maybe letting them go the way you did is better. I don't know - all I know is it hurts whatever way it happens. And we all move forward with some guilt. We just have to learn to live with it and believe that we did the right thing. I've heard of people with cancer wishing that they could end their pain and suffering. I just couldn't bear to let Hunny go through that. I miss her - and Lily with every beat of my heart, but I choose to believe they are together again.

Keesha knew she was loved and she had a good long life. Both of mine were only eight. Not young, but not old. I feel that I was ripped off - they should have lived years longer! Probably not the nicest thing to say to someone who is mourning, and I'm sorry, but that's how I feel. I miss them both so much. Cancer is just such a horrible disease. It robs us of our happiness.

Let the guilt go. She knew you loved her - why else would you have taken her to the vet? We too had a final long one hour drive - one way with Hunny. But maybe it's they who are in a better place - we get stuck here missing them and longing for them.

Once again, I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry to ramble on - my pain is still pretty fresh. I don't cry as much as I did when Hunny was alive. We knew since last summer that her days were coming to an end and believe me that is just so hard. Knowing that you will have to make that final decision soon - it's heart wrenching. But you do live each day to the fullest. It doesn't make the ending any easier though.

Just take it one day at a time - that is all we can do.

Take care.

Lynette.