My Cat Jeannie Passed Away In My Arms ......., Having a hard time with it all Options

[Jay T]

Hi everybody ,im new to the board. My cat Jeannie just passed away in my arms it is completely devastating i cant believe it ,i feel so empty and crying so hard about her.over a year ago jeannie was diagnosed whit diabetes she was drinking a lot of water and getting thinner ,the vets told me its a very treatable illness,i was so relieved thats she was goona be ok whit the insulin ,i brang her to vets back and fourth a few times ,for her to get regulated on insulin,during that time i was worried a lot though always watching her making sure shes ok.

Somtimes during my break at my job i would go home really fast just to check up on her always worried that if somthing happened i wanted to be there ,i gave her the shots ,tested her ,feed her wet food it went well for over a year,she was back to her old self doing great.Then about a month ago i noticed she wasent eating that much ,didnt seem herself so i brought her to the vets they did some tests and found out her kidneys where failing,and she got more thin,they said she had CRF(chronic renal failure)she was dehydrated also ,they keeped her there over nite her there over nite on iv ,and 3 more days she got better,i went to the vets to see her the next day she was so happy to see me see jumped up when she saw me and the vet said ,shes very happy to see you ,i petted her and stood there for a while whit her then i came back later to pick her up at later that nite then brang her home , and they showed me how to give her sub qs (fulids)she was doing fine,she was happy to be home again she ran and jumped back to her fav spot and purred i was so happy and releaved,and she fell sleep next to me as usual.


Then i noticed about a week later she stopped eating as much, then stoped eating anything i tried to feed her,tuna,baby food,she wouldnt eat, i tried to force feed her some food with a syringe but she still didnt want it ,all she wanted was water but ,as each day went on she seemed to get worse and worse she wasent moving as much,very restless ,and in pain it seemed like , i tried so hard to help her,then she could barley move,she would take 2 steps then fall on her side ,i was so upset and devastated,i know her time was almost up when i looked in her eyes and and saw that she couldn't go on anymore i picked her up and sat on the couch with her i knew this was it ,she was meowing a bit then started breathing fast then slow ,each min getting more and more wobbly,i was crying,telling her please don't diee ,please jeannie get better i love you i told her crying, then i wanted her to see me comfort her and not cry it was hard ,this went on for over 2 hours,then every few min she would make a loud noise like she was breathing out ,her body seemed like lifeless,i was in total shock ,i held her telling her i love her and it will be ok and kissed her,then she was shaking her leg up and down then stopped ,her breathing got more slow ,it seemed like her body was shutting down ,then she made a gasp sounds a few times then she then made like a soft purr sound and passed away in my arms,and fell to the side of my chest ,i went into like a panic,it didnt seem real, i broke down in tears crying, it all seemed so surreal, I had to leave her on the couch until the morning until the vets open up,it was so hard for me to see that she passed away like that. i covered with her favorite blanket ,i cried all morining long waiting for the vet to open up looking at her every few min it was so emotinal .then i brang her to the vets so they can creamate her ,it was so hard. i put her in a box and walked her to the vets crying in the streets ,when got the vets i said my last good-byes to her before they took the box, it was unbelivable, i couldnt even talk.

When i got home i looked her fav spot and it hit me like a ton of bricks, that jeannie wasent comming home again! i felt like i was going in like a slow motion,i couldnt belive it , i complety broke down and cried so hard i fell to the floor ,its like i couldnt even breath i cried so hard,i never felt like this about anything ever and cried so much about anything, n and i still cant belive shes gone,like everthing reminds me of her, Jeannie was my best friend,she was awlays there and such a good cat .i loved her so much she made me so happy, she couldnt wait for me to get home she would always greet me ,i know i wont get over her,this house will never be the same,she always sleeped next to me,and all the happy times we went trough for 20 years,but now shes not suffering any more, shes at peace , i did everthing i can to save her ,,mabey she needed more fulids or another nite at the vets on iv i dont know what els i could have done, to watch her so helpless like that was so sadd the vet said some day the fulids that shes getting wont have an affect when her kidneys get worse,theres a huge emptyness in my heart now, i just have buddy now my other cat hes 2 and jeannie was like his big sister,he will be looking for her around the house they always sleeped together. I got to spend a few last days whit her though in the back yard taking some last pictures on a beautfuil sunny day .,but i know now that it wont ever be the same without her ,the summer ,christmas ,etc ..all the things she was here for, but im greatful that i was there for her last moments when she passed and she was not at the vets or by her self and i alway prayed that when she does go i wanted to be there to comfort her and i was,,im sorry im talking up so much space talking but i really dont know how to cope with all this now its so very very hard ,everthing seems so different now without her like its not real ,its overwhelming its like im totaly out of it .I havent stopped crying since ,i cant stop thinking about it i feel so sad its awful .She was my best friend for 20 years and now shes not here anymore,im stuck its like you dont know how to go on, you dont know where to go from here its like now ... THANKS JAY

[Jay T]

dear jay its so not silly not to wash the little blanket. my riley died on the same day that i was moving into a new apt (year and a half ago now) and i was so distraught. he had visited the new apartment only the day before, and only because i rushed him to the hospital and when they discharged him i brought him over to see the place. so when he passed the next day, well suffice to say it was horrible. i felt like so lost. where was his toy going to sit? where was his favorite spot? had he died a few days before the move i wouldnt have moved because i still need to see the places and spots where he loved to rest or play or eat... i scoured the moving boxes for a bit of his fur. i combed my clothes hoping that i could find a strand. i found one little strand. that strand is now taped down. i look and touch it often. if i had a little blanket, ( i threw everything out during the packing because my kitties were going to get brand new things for the brand new apt) i would keep it under my pillow and not wash it either.
yes youre right as time goes by we can smile again but there is always an empty little hole... when you get sad, try as hard as you can to turn it around and smile as you remember the wonderful times you had with jeannie. because jeannie would want you to be happy again...
you are in my prayers.
patricia

hi patricia .that sounds so hard that you went trough that ,im so sorry,moving in it self takes time to get adjusted to,even more harder with the passing of your beloved riley we all try to cling on too whatever we have left of them,a toy ,a piece of fur like you have,etc and it does seem to give us some comfort after there passing, i agree they would want us to be happy and not sad all the time over them,a work in progress though, hoping that will be able to smile and think of all the happy times,and not have that sadness after it ,but as you said there will always be that empty little hole because of how much we loved and cared for them and how much joy they bring to our lifes ,when so many other things don't ,they truly do touch our hearts like nothing els,i try to take it day by day and . thanks again and be well