Double Whammy Options

[Robertmofford]

Last week I had 3 cats. Today I have 1. Last Tuesday my oldest cat Bugs passed on at the age of 18. Tough as it was I knew it was coming, and thankfully he hadn't been sick for long. I had him since he was a kitten, and needless to say I was/still am a wreck. I expect I will be for a while.
One thing that gave me some solace was that I had 2 others-Penelope and Sabrina. Last night I noticed that Penelope was a bit unsteady, and throughout the course of the night she got progressively worse, to the point where she couldn't walk. I could tell she was in agony. Since there are no emergency vet clinics near where I live I put her in bed next to me with the intention of getting her to a vet first thing in the morning. Long story short, she didn't survive the night. I've been a walking zombie ever since. I feel just about every emotion possible. Sadness, confusion, anger, but mostly guilt. I can't understand what happened, or why, or what I could have done to save her. I loved her dearly. She had the most beautiful, gentle temprament, and she was only 8 years old. I don't know how she got sick, and why she went so quickly. I searched the house from top to bottom to see if there was something toxic she could have gotten into, but came up with nothing. But being a cat owner more or less steadily for over 20 years I'm EXTREMELY vigilant about things like that. I'm beating myself up something awful over this. I can't shake this feeling that I failed her(or even both of them for that matter.) I've played every scenario imaginable in my head. For a brief minute I had almost convinced myself that someone was sneaking in and poisoning them. Which is a ridiculous theory when looked at logically. But in cases like this I guess imaginations can run amok.
Now I still have Sabrina, and I love her dearly, but now I'm afraid for her too. I'm afraid I'll fail her too. Both losses are excruciating on their own, but to have them happen so hot on the heels of each other is too much. I'm trying to make sense of this, but am drawing a huge blank. I don't know what to think or feel.I'd appreciate some feedback, if anyone can give me any. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[petmum]

dear robert
i am so sorry for your losses, there are no words of comfort that i can offer. You did such a lovely thing for Penelope by having her nxt to you thru the night. You truly must be a caring soul to have done that. It sux loosing a companion after 18yrs, phew....my famous catch cry.....BREATHE OUT, BREATHE IN & OUT AGAIN. It's a strange piece of info to pass on but one that will really help. You are no doubt so tensed up you don't even realise that you aren't breathing properly.
I'm glad you've got Sabrina to help you thru this awful time, I agree with Nicoles Mum about getting Sabrina vet checked, it will help allay you fears.
check back in here as often as you need to, it will help to be around ppl who care.
Go gently on yourself.
Talk to you soon
elaine