Please Help Me With My Grief Options

[scottie]

on tuesday evening i had to put my precious little crystal to sleep.she was a 16 and a half year old cat. im 39 years old but my mother brought her to the vet for me because i couldnt do it..i said my long goodbye to her all day tuesday.holding hugging and kissing her and telling her how much i loved her. it started in january when she lost her appititite and was sleeping a lot. the vet took blood and she had a thyroid problem.thats why she was drinking a lot too. put her on meds and worked for a few months. then her back legs started giving out from time to time and it looked like she had arthritis. she never fell over but walked off sideways.her heart rate was up too so she was put on meds for that. for the past two weeks she really failed. wasnt eating much,drinking a lot,starring off in the distance.then sunday she would eat and throw up.and had a hard time getting up.so we talked to our vet and decided it was time.well unknown to us he said her skin was turning yellow so she probably was in the final stages of liver cancer. so we put her down to spare her any more pain.i cannot get over this.ive been crying since tuesday and cant stop. i didnt eat for two days and cant sleep.ive never been in this much pain. she was my world.there when i woke up,there when i came home. in bad times would sit on my lap and purr. and when i was sad she would lick my face. she came running when you called her name.i always said she was like a little puppy dog.when she laid beside me in bed she would put her paw over my arm.she was the sweetest thing ive ever known.she was my very best friend and i dont know how to cope.im in pain.i look at her picture and plead for her to come back...but i know i did the right thing. i couldnt watch her be torn down to skin and bones. she already was loosing so much weight.this was the hardest thing ive ever had to do...im so lonely now..i love you crystal....R.I.P.

[Sammie girl'...]

Scottie,

I am so sorry for your pain and loss of your baby. It's been 28 days since my sheltie dog, Sammie passed away and she was 3 1/2 years old. Six months ago I had to put my cat of 8 years, Lewis to sleep. I still have his brother Clark. There are no words to describe the pain. My Sammie was my world, my best friend, companion, cuddler, everything. I have a husband and three kids but it was different. I've never been one to open up completely to anyone but the moment I laid eyes on Sammie as a puppy I fell into a love I've never know before. And she loved me back the same way. It isn't like the love we have for our people it's better. And that's why it hurts so freakin much when they leave us. Everything you are feeling is normal and will be hard on you. It's the grieving process. I thought I was losing my mind, literally. I cried the first week so hard, I hyperventilated, threw up, passed out and didn't eat or sleep much at all. I crawled around the floor just trying to smell her scent where she laid. My husband truly thought I was having a nervous breakdown. That week was a complete blur. The second week was slightly better. I could eat and with the help of Ambien could sleep again (with Sammie's collar under my pillow). This site is the only thing that truly helped me cope. My friend and family love me but they couldn't understand the depth of my pain because although they loved Sammie girl they didn't have the same bond with her as I did. Co-workers and clients did NOT understand at all and made some snide comments. And in my mood I wanted to knock their block off. The third week was a mission for me to honor her and get my mind on something. I was having a major time thinking clearly and accomplishing anything. Just showering seemed a trying task. Here's what I did. I started a journal. I actually write letters to Sammie. Sometimes I tell her what I'm feeling or just what I'm doing. Then I printed out every picture I've ever taken of her and I am making a scrapbook of her life. I also made a shadow box for my office with her pictures, a piece of her fur, paw print and a copy of the rainbow bridge. My husband made her a casket and we buried her in the backyard at our house. I orderd her a headstone that has her picture and name engraved in it. Very, very cool and I made her a pretty little resting spot. I guess that was my way of letting her know somehow how much I love and miss her. It truly helped me and still does help me everyday. I still cry almost everyday but not the sobs that take my breath away. I also read a book entitled "All Pets Go to Heaven". Besides the first 40 pages it was awesome and gave me a really cool feeling and sense of peace knowing she can visit me in this Earth plane and that she is so happy now. She know I am sad and she understands that my tears are just my way of healing and I have to do that. She knows this because God explained it. That's my belief and it gives me a lot of comfort. Keep writing, venting, yelling, crying, whatever you need to do because it's necessary and normal. We are here for you and we feel the pain you do. We will be praying for you and will keep checking on you. God bless you.
Melanie