Please Help Me With My Grief Options

[scottie]

on tuesday evening i had to put my precious little crystal to sleep.she was a 16 and a half year old cat. im 39 years old but my mother brought her to the vet for me because i couldnt do it..i said my long goodbye to her all day tuesday.holding hugging and kissing her and telling her how much i loved her. it started in january when she lost her appititite and was sleeping a lot. the vet took blood and she had a thyroid problem.thats why she was drinking a lot too. put her on meds and worked for a few months. then her back legs started giving out from time to time and it looked like she had arthritis. she never fell over but walked off sideways.her heart rate was up too so she was put on meds for that. for the past two weeks she really failed. wasnt eating much,drinking a lot,starring off in the distance.then sunday she would eat and throw up.and had a hard time getting up.so we talked to our vet and decided it was time.well unknown to us he said her skin was turning yellow so she probably was in the final stages of liver cancer. so we put her down to spare her any more pain.i cannot get over this.ive been crying since tuesday and cant stop. i didnt eat for two days and cant sleep.ive never been in this much pain. she was my world.there when i woke up,there when i came home. in bad times would sit on my lap and purr. and when i was sad she would lick my face. she came running when you called her name.i always said she was like a little puppy dog.when she laid beside me in bed she would put her paw over my arm.she was the sweetest thing ive ever known.she was my very best friend and i dont know how to cope.im in pain.i look at her picture and plead for her to come back...but i know i did the right thing. i couldnt watch her be torn down to skin and bones. she already was loosing so much weight.this was the hardest thing ive ever had to do...im so lonely now..i love you crystal....R.I.P.

[petmum]

Dear Scottie,
I'm so sorry for your loss, the next thing I say is, breathe out, then in.......u need to remind yourself to do this otherwise you will most likely not realise you are holding your breathe a lot....happened to me....still happens.....23days ago...i was where you are now....the pain is so intense...your loss fills your whole world....you wont eat, you wont sleep @ first...but then you will, remember BREATHE OUT, THEN IN.......get thru the nxt 1hour, then the nxt......it's how I coped.....it's just such an intense time & it takes quite some time for us to process that when we are looking where they have always been (it seems like it doesn't) that they aren't there, you think well where are they then?....then it all comes back & the pain comes back with such ferocity that you simply cant breathe!!!! You just want to curl up in a ball & just scream for the pain to go away......PLEASE STOP!!!!!! BREATHE OUT....you know how to do that......
{{{HUGS}}} all the way from australia to help you during this awful time......
keep sharing with us if you can....
May Peace come to you
elaine