New Puppies, Is it time?? Options

[Sammie girl'...]

As most of you know I lost my Sammie girl, a black and white sheltie who was 3 1/2 years old exactly 18 days ago. The past few weeks have been the most difficult of my life since my mom died 6 years ago on the same day, June 5th. In some ways this was harder for me. Maybe it was the shock of coming home from vacation and finding out she had died and hadn't been sick or maybe it was the fact I've never felt or given a love like that. I've cried, screamed, sobbed, hyperventilated, threw up, yelled at my family, drank too much a few nights, took Ambien to sleep, put her collar under my pillow, put pictures everywhere around my house and I write letters to her in my journal. I also ordered her a marble headstone and they are etching her picture in it. Her grave site has beautiful stones around it and flowers. I can now make it through the day without crying. Somehow I feel guilty about not crying as if I've moved on and that's not right. I think I feared moving on as if it might mean I loved her less or stopped loving her. Rediculous!!!! That's just the grief talking. Most friends don't understand but you all do and I am so thankful for each and everyone of you that has helped me through the past 18 days.

I now have a dilemna that I know will come with very different advice but I want to write about it anyway if for no other reason than it seems to give me some peace to put my feelings down. Two of my kids came to me early last week and said they wanted to get another puppy. I was MAD, whew was I mad at them. They let me rant and rave for awhile and this is what my quiet, reserved 12 year old said to me. "Nothing will bring Sammie back. She loved you and she loved us and she knew how much we loved her. Sammie would be hurt if she knew how sad you were. She always wanted to make you happy". At that point I was sobbing pretty hard. My other 12 year old who is very outspoken said, "Mom, you need another dog to love. It won't replace Sammie. The new dog will be different and you will love her because that's what you do, you love animals". They begged me to think about it and I told them I would. The very next day, my friend, the one who Sammie was with when she died, told me she found us a puppy on puppyfind.com. In fact, she said she found litter mates, girls. I yelled at her a bit too. Then she told me that she's know me for 20 years and when she lost her sheltie a few years ago the only thing that helped her get through it was having her other sheltie to love. She thinks I need that too. So, then I called my dad and my brother and my other best friend and they all said they think I should.

I'm scared. What is I resent the dog(s) b/c they aren't as loving as Sammie or as smart or whatever? These puppies are also shelties, black, white and a little tan and remind me of Sammie so much. They come from a breeder in Alabama which is a few hours from me. I've talked to him and he is a wonderful man who's been doing this for 20 years because he loves the breed. My husband thinks that the puppies will be different enough in their personalities, size and stuff that I won't compare them to Sammie. I have to admit to you all I am excited about getting puppies but I am fearful and nervous all the same. Then I think will I stop mourning Sammie? Would she be happy that we are bringing new little ones into her house? A million thoughts are in my mind. The owner of the puppies said he would give me a few days to think about it and they wouldn't be ready until July 3rd.

What are you thoughts, everyone, the good, bad, anything. I'm really struggling. Thanks so much.

[Jay T]

Hi Melanie, that is great to know that your feeling a bit better as the time goes after a while you wont cry as much as the start most likely for many, not beacuse you moved on or don't feel sad about it anymore that's just another cycle of all the grief, i think its our brains trying to give us a break from all of it in that way beacuse its so very exhausting also to be like that all the time,Getting a new pet i feel can help a lot of people whit all that grief i feel,but i also feel that you would have to be ready to take on such a thing sammie cant be replaced like you said and getting a new pet will have his or her own personality's with a new a start and may or may not do the same things as your sammie did ,when some people do get a new pet sometimes they got so used to what the other pet did that in a way they want that to countinue whit the new one and may get somewhat disappointed that it cant ,i also feel thats another part of the grief continuing thats why its hard for a lot of people to get another pet soon after i feel beacuse many times they might compare it to the other one.but know that a new pet will bring a new joruney.and new times and there own things that they will do,a new start ,this is somthing i still dont know if im ready for yet.theres not a day that goes buy where i don't think about jeannie,my neighbor came over the other day and told me that there's a cat at the vets,they do adoptions there also, that needs a home would i be interested in it ,i told her thank you but i feel at this time it might be a bit to soon,istill cant decide,mabey in the summer i might think about getting a new kitten,it is hard i know what you mean whit all the thoughts about it. I would say if possible take a ride there one day and look around and see how you feel before you bring one home ,when your there i think you will know if your ready or not. take care and be well THANKS JAY