Please Help, I'm Having a really hard time Options

[Darebaby]

The last 2 days have been really hard for me. I am staarting to feel extremely lonely and can't seem to shake this depression. I have tried to leave the house twice since I had to put Pox to sleep, but when I do I break down. I think I feel safe in my home...but I know that it isn't totally healthy to stay there ll the time. I went to church last night and cried the entire time. I thought I'd feel better there, but it is such a big place and I have no friends there. I guess being in a room that size with nobody to share my sorrow made me feel even lonelier. When I got in my car I broke down. I just feel so much anxiety. I thought I was taking it well...but I think I was only numb and now my feelings are starting to surface. I am so sad right now. I know she is in a better place and I am okay with the decision I made for her. I knew that was really the only thing to do. So i made it very comfortable for her. But I am left here with all this pain. And I miss her soooooooooooo much. I honestly don't remember life without her, afterall I was so young when I got her(13). I am so scared to go through this weekend. I have to work tomorrow for the first time since she's been gone and I'm not sure how I will hold up. But I have to. I work in a restaurant and I deal with customers ll night long. I have already called in sick so many times lately from her being sick and now this. My rent is late. It is like my whole life is falling a part right now. I have post-dated checks written to the vet for well into next year and can't seem to get myself to even brush my hair. Not to mention that my boyfriend is going outta town tomorrow for 5 days. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. I am just not ready to face life and I know I have to. This is the first time I have ever gone through anything so painful. No man could ever break my heart like this. And that is exactly how I feel...broken hearted.
It is kind of funny but last night at about 2 am (I couldn't sleep) I heard 2 cats fighting outside, so I opened the door and I saw my roomate's cat on the back porch. She doesn't really like people and prefers to stay outside. My roomate can't even get her to come in the house anymore nor answer when she calls her name. But last night she came in and stayed with me all night. She even slept with me in my bed...under the covers. It felt good to have her with me. Tonight, I opened the back door, called her name once and she came running, came right into the house and hasn't left my side since. I have been holding her for hours. I had a bad break down and thought for sure she would take of when i started to cry on her and hold her tight, but she didn't. Warrior (that's her name) just let me hold her and cry on her. I have to be honest...she has always seemed to have an atitue of "pet me when I want it, and when I don't want anymore then leave me alone". Or so I thought she did. She was totally there for me 2 nights in a row...I feel so bad for having judged her like that. But I thank God that she is helping me through this. It is like she knows or something.
Anyway...I would really appreciate any advice on how to cope. Thanks.

[LittleGirl's...]

Darebaby,

I just read through the entire journey in this thread, sharing in your sorrow over the (physical) loss of Pox, then in your joy as Warrior came to you to save you. ..... THen, when I got to your post from this evening, it was as though someone kicked me in the chest. ...I can't believe it! I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

For some reason, Warrior had to go and be with Pox. Maybe Warrior came to you and bonded, then acted as an angel messenger or something, reassuring you that Pox wouldn't be alone.

I'm just floored that this happened. Please share more, and please PM or email me if you want to talk!

Love and prayers and comfort,

Kathy