My Cat Jeannie Passed Away In My Arms ......., Having a hard time with it all Options

[Jay T]

Hi everybody ,im new to the board. My cat Jeannie just passed away in my arms it is completely devastating i cant believe it ,i feel so empty and crying so hard about her.over a year ago jeannie was diagnosed whit diabetes she was drinking a lot of water and getting thinner ,the vets told me its a very treatable illness,i was so relieved thats she was goona be ok whit the insulin ,i brang her to vets back and fourth a few times ,for her to get regulated on insulin,during that time i was worried a lot though always watching her making sure shes ok.

Somtimes during my break at my job i would go home really fast just to check up on her always worried that if somthing happened i wanted to be there ,i gave her the shots ,tested her ,feed her wet food it went well for over a year,she was back to her old self doing great.Then about a month ago i noticed she wasent eating that much ,didnt seem herself so i brought her to the vets they did some tests and found out her kidneys where failing,and she got more thin,they said she had CRF(chronic renal failure)she was dehydrated also ,they keeped her there over nite her there over nite on iv ,and 3 more days she got better,i went to the vets to see her the next day she was so happy to see me see jumped up when she saw me and the vet said ,shes very happy to see you ,i petted her and stood there for a while whit her then i came back later to pick her up at later that nite then brang her home , and they showed me how to give her sub qs (fulids)she was doing fine,she was happy to be home again she ran and jumped back to her fav spot and purred i was so happy and releaved,and she fell sleep next to me as usual.


Then i noticed about a week later she stopped eating as much, then stoped eating anything i tried to feed her,tuna,baby food,she wouldnt eat, i tried to force feed her some food with a syringe but she still didnt want it ,all she wanted was water but ,as each day went on she seemed to get worse and worse she wasent moving as much,very restless ,and in pain it seemed like , i tried so hard to help her,then she could barley move,she would take 2 steps then fall on her side ,i was so upset and devastated,i know her time was almost up when i looked in her eyes and and saw that she couldn't go on anymore i picked her up and sat on the couch with her i knew this was it ,she was meowing a bit then started breathing fast then slow ,each min getting more and more wobbly,i was crying,telling her please don't diee ,please jeannie get better i love you i told her crying, then i wanted her to see me comfort her and not cry it was hard ,this went on for over 2 hours,then every few min she would make a loud noise like she was breathing out ,her body seemed like lifeless,i was in total shock ,i held her telling her i love her and it will be ok and kissed her,then she was shaking her leg up and down then stopped ,her breathing got more slow ,it seemed like her body was shutting down ,then she made a gasp sounds a few times then she then made like a soft purr sound and passed away in my arms,and fell to the side of my chest ,i went into like a panic,it didnt seem real, i broke down in tears crying, it all seemed so surreal, I had to leave her on the couch until the morning until the vets open up,it was so hard for me to see that she passed away like that. i covered with her favorite blanket ,i cried all morining long waiting for the vet to open up looking at her every few min it was so emotinal .then i brang her to the vets so they can creamate her ,it was so hard. i put her in a box and walked her to the vets crying in the streets ,when got the vets i said my last good-byes to her before they took the box, it was unbelivable, i couldnt even talk.

When i got home i looked her fav spot and it hit me like a ton of bricks, that jeannie wasent comming home again! i felt like i was going in like a slow motion,i couldnt belive it , i complety broke down and cried so hard i fell to the floor ,its like i couldnt even breath i cried so hard,i never felt like this about anything ever and cried so much about anything, n and i still cant belive shes gone,like everthing reminds me of her, Jeannie was my best friend,she was awlays there and such a good cat .i loved her so much she made me so happy, she couldnt wait for me to get home she would always greet me ,i know i wont get over her,this house will never be the same,she always sleeped next to me,and all the happy times we went trough for 20 years,but now shes not suffering any more, shes at peace , i did everthing i can to save her ,,mabey she needed more fulids or another nite at the vets on iv i dont know what els i could have done, to watch her so helpless like that was so sadd the vet said some day the fulids that shes getting wont have an affect when her kidneys get worse,theres a huge emptyness in my heart now, i just have buddy now my other cat hes 2 and jeannie was like his big sister,he will be looking for her around the house they always sleeped together. I got to spend a few last days whit her though in the back yard taking some last pictures on a beautfuil sunny day .,but i know now that it wont ever be the same without her ,the summer ,christmas ,etc ..all the things she was here for, but im greatful that i was there for her last moments when she passed and she was not at the vets or by her self and i alway prayed that when she does go i wanted to be there to comfort her and i was,,im sorry im talking up so much space talking but i really dont know how to cope with all this now its so very very hard ,everthing seems so different now without her like its not real ,its overwhelming its like im totaly out of it .I havent stopped crying since ,i cant stop thinking about it i feel so sad its awful .She was my best friend for 20 years and now shes not here anymore,im stuck its like you dont know how to go on, you dont know where to go from here its like now ... THANKS JAY

[Hslesgirl]

Dear Jay,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have definitely found the right place, and please don't apologize for writing a lengthy post. That's what this forum is for. I know exactly how you are feeling and I only wish there was something profound I could say to ease your pain. You should take comfort in the fact that you did everything humanly possible for Jeannie and it was just her time to get her wings. I know it sounds trite and I resented it every time someone has said that to me over the last 6 weeks. Over time you just have to learn to accept it. It doesn't mean it hurts any less. That's why we are all in this together. We'e all suffered a loss and we come here to express our grief, anger and loneliness. The sympathy and support offered by those who have gotten here before us is amazing! 6 weeks ago my dog Austin died suddenly of a heart attack while playing ball with my husband. He was only 7 years old. I truly felt like my heart was broken. I hurt so bad I could barely breathe. I know what you are feeling right now. I have to be honest and admit that I barely remember the first 2 weeks after his passing. It's all a blur of horrible crying bouts and Xanax induced sleep. (Fortunately my doctor was smart enough to only give me a couple of Xanax at a low dose just so I could get some sleep.) I didn't eat more than a croissant a day. The hole left in my heart was awful and I didn't know how to cope. When I found this website and poured out all my grief and pain, the response I got overwhelmed me. Every day seems to get a little better than the last and all I can say is take it one day at a time. I have moments when I backslide. I've had a bad day today of missing my baby horribly and crying off and on all night. It's still so hard to comprehend that I just will never see him again in this life. He was so sweet and gentle and everyone who met him loved him. I still sleep with his stuffed bunny that I bought him for easter because he brought it to bed with him every night. Each of us has our own coping mechanisms and you'll find yours over the next few days. These first few are the hardest. Please know that you have a huge support system at this forum. Only people who have loved and lost a pet can understand the depth of the grief we feel when they leave us. Write often and let us know how you are doing. Or just write and say you're feeling crappy. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight and pray that you find some peace.

Hugs,
Carol