Visiting Shelters, trying to get ready to save a cat Options

[I miss mouses]

I miss my cat so much. Didn't think I would ever, ever be ready this soon, but I am starting to think of getting a new cat. I miss Mouses, I miss all of her kitty things. I can't have her back...she is what I want, but I miss having a cat so much. I went to the shelter to see how I would feel. Very mixed feelings. Part of me felt like, "yes, this is what I am missing." The other part of me kept thinking, "your not my Mouses...and you'll never be."
However...the animal lover in me needs to save one now. It was so nice to see cats again. In a strange way it felt like I was seeing my Mouses again. This shelter had over 300 cats. Many in cages...row after row. This shelter also had 5 open rooms too, with about 10 cats in each free roaming room. It was such a great day. I stayed there for 2 hours. It was very emotional in many ways. I have an open heart, I have an open home...how can I just walk away??
I did not choose one yet. I will keep visiting for awhile. I love Mouses, but I also miss the cat in Mouses. I hate sleeping without a cat. I miss feeding, and brushing a cat. I even miss cleaning the litter box. I miss fur everywhere. I still can't believe how fast Mouses' hair disappeared after she went to heaven. Some part of me thought her fur would still be around.
I cried all the way home. I kept thinking..."how do I pick one...I had the best one?" I went home and looked at her pictures. She is the best cat ever. I want her...I don't want a new cat. I want my old life back. I loved my life with Mouses. UGH!!
For all of you that opened your heart again, did it help? Was it nice to just have a cat or dog again? Did you pick one to match your lost loved one...or go in the opposite direction? I tried both ways, not sure what feels more comforting. No one can match her inside, so I might just pick one that looks like her. Not sure?? Any advice? All I know is saving one would feel really nice. Those poor kitties.
Thanks, Mouses' mommy

[patricia]

dear mouses mommy,
what you are going thru is so natural. its called the healing process. the confusion? i can totally relate to. i dont know whether you have read my story but permit me to retell it in a few words (yeah right my little fred passed away march 8, 2009. hed been my sweet boy for over 14 years. needless to say i was just broken. i couldnt stop crying. i could only recall when my other cat riley had passed about a year earlier and thinking i hadnt stopped crying for months. i was a robot. i went to work, cried, came home, cried. well you know the routine. i didnt think i would survive it but i did and then fred died and i just didnt know how i would go on. fred was my heart and now he was gone. i felt any minute now, my heart would stop beating as well. but that actually made me happy because i wanted to see fred and riley again. well to make a long story short. the following thursday, my friend/neighbor/apt manager caught me outside as i was coming home. i never saw her. was wierd. but she asked if she could come over as she needed to talk to me. she came and told me this sad story about a little dog who needed a home. like you i love animals, but i was in the process of deciding if i would EVER have another animal in my life. losing them was too hard. but how could i say no? i know ive mentioned this before but it struck me that fred might have his hand in this. he knew his momma was dying on the inside. so i said ok. imagine that? a week after my little fred died i was taking in a little dog. they brought her over that saturday and boy let me tell you. that was so difficult. i cried because i missed my fred so much more, i pushed the dog away. i didnt want her. how could i replace her and every single emotion that you are going thru i went thru. it got so bad, towards the evening i called some friends of mine to come pick her up. well, my wonderful friends talked me thru it and lucy looked at me and with her eyes begged me not to give her away again. so i kept her. almost three months later, she has taught me so much. she has brought back the love, she has taught me that there is enough room in my heart for her and lucy and riley, and jenny and chiquita and all the sweet ones that i have had in my life. you see? getting a cat doesnt mean you are replacing mouses. and i know mouses would want you be happy again. in fact she may be playing a big part in all of this. shes watching over you. well lucy is the new love of my life but it hasnt been easy. in fact just yesterday i had a really bad day. my boss loaned me a great book "dewey" about a cat who changed the life of a little town. but the pix of the dewey reminded me so much of fred...i cried all day and all night. and ive had many of those days. but lucy is there and when mommas crying she does something to make me laugh, or she comes over and wraps her little paws around me. i like to think shes giving me a hug, but in reality i think she likes the salty tears. if it had been up to me, i probably wouldnt have lucy now, but my friend asked me to take her in so i feel i really didnt have a choice (she knew i couldnt say no). muses mom, when you go to the shelter, dont think so much about picking one that looks like mouses or one that doesnt. you will know. there are so many animals that need good homes, bless you for opening your heart and home again. i know how hard it is to love again, because we know that someday they will be gone as well. but isnt it worth it? the joys that they bring is priceless. just look into their eyes and you will know when you see the right kitten or cat for you. i know that lucy gave me my life again. like i said its not easy and you will go thru good days and bad days with your new one. but when i think back, the good days outweigh the bad ones.
well i think ive talked to much. i hope this has helped. please keep us posted. i know that i would love to read about your new little one. its very healing to all of us who read about new beginnings.
patricia