Time Heals? Options

[Jess]

Everyone keeps telling me that time heals and that I will feel better with time, but the weird thing is, I don't feel like time is passing. I don't feel like I'm moving farther away from my cat's death. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like it happened the day before. It's like I'm stuck. Every morning, it feels like a fresh wound to my heart. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get past this and enjoy life again.

[MissingJoey]

Everyone keeps telling me that time heals and that I will feel better with time, but the weird thing is, I don't feel like time is passing. I don't feel like I'm moving farther away from my cat's death. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like it happened the day before. It's like I'm stuck. Every morning, it feels like a fresh wound to my heart. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get past this and enjoy life again.

Hello everyone. This is my first post, so hopefully I'm getting this right. My husband and I just lost our 8 month old little kitty cat Joey on Tuesday night. It hurts so bad. We just adopted him at the end of January, so we only had 4 short months together, but we are so blessed to have had him. He only had 3 legs! When we saw him on the computer, we knew he had to come into our home and be with us and our other animals. Over the last week he wasn't eating very well, and previously he had been in for continued cold symptoms, mainly a runny eye. Boy were we shocked to find out he had FIP and there was no treatment. We were with him when they put him to sleep. Last night I was haunted by those images. Yesterday my husband and I both stayed home from work to try to grieve, but today we had to go back. It was very hard to be back, but I will admit both of us felt a little better just to get out of the house and be busy with work tasks. Of course, then I felt guilty for not feeling as totally distraught as I had been yesterday. Both Tuesday night and all yesterday were awful. Lots of tears were shed. Tonight, I feel just the tiniest bit of peace (and even as I write that I feel guilty to say that). I also had some more moments of crying, but not as constant as the last 2 nights. I am hoping we'll continue to heal. I had been obsessively reviewing every moment in my head and blaming myself for everything, even though the vet said it was nothing we did or didn't do. Joey will always be in our hearts and we miss him so much. I offer my sympathy to all who are going through this. Thanks for sharing -- it has been helpful to read all of your thoughts and feelings, and I look forward to exchanging messages. The support is much appreciated. Love you Joey! <3

[Jess]

Hello everyone. This is my first post, so hopefully I'm getting this right. My husband and I just lost our 8 month old little kitty cat Joey on Tuesday night. It hurts so bad. We just adopted him at the end of January, so we only had 4 short months together, but we are so blessed to have had him. He only had 3 legs! When we saw him on the computer, we knew he had to come into our home and be with us and our other animals. Over the last week he wasn't eating very well, and previously he had been in for continued cold symptoms, mainly a runny eye. Boy were we shocked to find out he had FIP and there was no treatment. We were with him when they put him to sleep. Last night I was haunted by those images. Yesterday my husband and I both stayed home from work to try to grieve, but today we had to go back. It was very hard to be back, but I will admit both of us felt a little better just to get out of the house and be busy with work tasks. Of course, then I felt guilty for not feeling as totally distraught as I had been yesterday. Both Tuesday night and all yesterday were awful. Lots of tears were shed. Tonight, I feel just the tiniest bit of peace (and even as I write that I feel guilty to say that). I also had some more moments of crying, but not as constant as the last 2 nights. I am hoping we'll continue to heal. I was over&%^yzing everything and blaming myself for everything, even though the vet said it was nothing we did or didn't do. Joey will always be in our hearts and we miss him so much. I offer my sympathy to all who are going through this. Thanks for sharing -- it has been helpful to read all of your thoughts and feelings, and I look forward to exchanging messages. The support is much appreciated. Love you Joey! <3

I'm sorry to hear of Joey's passing. I, too, had trouble getting the images of my cat's passing out of my mind, but I am told that eventually those images fade and are replaced with memories of the happy times you shared together.

Wishing you peace.

[MissingJoey]

I'm sorry to hear of Joey's passing. I, too, had trouble getting the images of my cat's passing out of my mind, but I am told that eventually those images fade and are replaced with memories of the happy times you shared together.

Wishing you peace.

Thanks so much. I wish the same for you. I think even aside from the "image" of him laying there, I just kept wondering how it really felt for him and was he scared or angry at us, stuff like that. And then something I read online (after the fact) said that if you're going to be crying during this, it might scare your pet and maybe it's best not to stay during the procedure. So then more guilt came upon me for possibly causing Joey more stress at an already bad time. But I had to be there for him. My hubby says he was rubbing his paw and I was rubbing his head, and when they gave him the injection, Joey's eye moved and he (hopefully) saw us there with him. It's just so unfair. Thanks for letting me vent. Last night while trying to fall asleep, I kind of went into panic mode thinking all these horrible things. We printed pictures of Joey off my cell phone yesterday and I'm going to make a scrapbook. And we framed one and hung it on the wall, so we can talk to him when we walk by. I've also been writing little letters to him, just to capture our memories and how we're feeling. So that has helped.
How are you feeling tonight? Take care!

[Jess]

Thanks so much. I wish the same for you. I think even aside from the "image" of him laying there, I just kept wondering how it really felt for him and was he scared or angry at us, stuff like that. And then something I read online (after the fact) said that if you're going to be crying during this, it might scare your pet and maybe it's best not to stay during the procedure. So then more guilt came upon me for possibly causing Joey more stress at an already bad time. But I had to be there for him. My hubby says he was rubbing his paw and I was rubbing his head, and when they gave him the injection, Joey's eye moved and he (hopefully) saw us there with him. It's just so unfair. Thanks for letting me vent. Last night while trying to fall asleep, I kind of went into panic mode thinking all these horrible things. We printed pictures of Joey off my cell phone yesterday and I'm going to make a scrapbook. And we framed one and hung it on the wall, so we can talk to him when we walk by. I've also been writing little letters to him, just to capture our memories and how we're feeling. So that has helped.
How are you feeling tonight? Take care!

I can definitely relate to your feeling of panic. It's been three weeks since we put Sydney to sleep and I am just now beginning to feel the slightest bit of relief from the grief. For a long time afterward, I was in a state of utter disbelief that it had actually happened. I'm still not sure how I'm going to get up every morning and face each day without her. A piece of me died with her and I have this feeling of emptiness and this deep longing for her, but at least the pain is starting to subside. I know it could come back at any moment though. It has been an unpredictable roller-coaster of emotions.

(((HUGS)))

[MissingJoey]

I can definitely relate to your feeling of panic. It's been three weeks since we put Sydney to sleep and I am just now beginning to feel the slightest bit of relief from the grief. For a long time afterward, I was in a state of utter disbelief that it had actually happened. I'm still not sure how I'm going to get up every morning and face each day without her. A piece of me died with her and I have this feeling of emptiness and this deep longing for her, but at least the pain is starting to subside. I know it could come back at any moment though. It has been an unpredictable roller-coaster of emotions.

(((HUGS)))

What was wrong with Sydney? Sorry if I missed previous posts with this info, and youdon't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But if you can, share anything you'd like. How old was she? How long did you have her? Stuff like that. Do you have family with you and how are they doing? I will probably head off soon, but look forward to continuing the conversation. Thanks again for talking, it helps! Stay strong & I wish you happy thoughts. <3 to your Sydney
and <3 to Joey.

[Jess]

What was wrong with Sydney? Sorry if I missed previous posts with this info, and youdon't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But if you can, share anything you'd like. How old was she? How long did you have her? Stuff like that. Do you have family with you and how are they doing? I will probably head off soon, but look forward to continuing the conversation. Thanks again for talking, it helps! Stay strong & I wish you happy thoughts. <3 to your Sydney
and <3 to Joey.

Hi. Here is my first post from last week: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5327 which explains more of my situation.

I hope you were able to get some sleep and dream about Joey.

[MissingJoey]

Hi. Here is my first post from last week: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5327 which explains more of my situation.

I hope you were able to get some sleep and dream about Joey.

Thanks for posting the link. I think I may have read that when I first started looking around the board. How very sad, especially since she was also young. How are you doing today?
I've been doing OK. I got a nice e-mail from the lady who is the director of the organization that we adopted Joey from. The other day when I was really obsessing about everything, I wrote her twice with a bunch of questions and concerns. She has been very supportive through this, and again told me it was just a random thing that happened. It is SO unfair though. I was just talking to my hubby and again feeling the panic of wondering how he felt in his last moments. I feel like we did something so bad to him, but we just wanted him to be comfortable. There was no getting better anyway, unfortunately. Sigh. Poor little guy. We have 3 other cats and a dog, but the house is still empty without him. This Sunday is our one year wedding anniversary, and I want to celebrate, but I just keeping thinking about how our family is not complete anymore.
I hope your day was calm and you're feeling better. How is your husband handling this? Is he very upset too?

[Jess]

Thanks for posting the link. I think I may have read that when I first started looking around the board. How very sad, especially since she was also young. How are you doing today?
I've been doing OK. I got a nice e-mail from the lady who is the director of the organization that we adopted Joey from. The other day when I was really obsessing about everything, I wrote her twice with a bunch of questions and concerns. She has been very supportive through this, and again told me it was just a random thing that happened. It is SO unfair though. I was just talking to my hubby and again feeling the panic of wondering how he felt in his last moments. I feel like we did something so bad to him, but we just wanted him to be comfortable. There was no getting better anyway, unfortunately. Sigh. Poor little guy. We have 3 other cats and a dog, but the house is still empty without him. This Sunday is our one year wedding anniversary, and I want to celebrate, but I just keeping thinking about how our family is not complete anymore.
I hope your day was calm and you're feeling better. How is your husband handling this? Is he very upset too?

I'm okay. I was very sad last night before bed - bedtime and waking time are the hardest for me - so I asked her to come to me in a dream and she did. My husband is okay. He was very very upset when everything first happened and was sobbing right along with me, but after about a week, he had put it behind him and was ready to focus on the positive things in life. He deals with grief in a different way than I do. We also have an anniversary coming up in a few weeks (our 4th) and it makes me sad to think that she won't be there to celebrate with us. I think about our anniversary last year and how we were so happy and had no idea what the following year would bring. Like you, I feel that our family is incomplete without our Sydney.

As someone else mentioned though, Joey would want you to be happy on your anniversary, and I think he will find a way to show you that he is around and that he is okay.

[MissingJoey]

I'm okay. I was very sad last night before bed - bedtime and waking time are the hardest for me - so I asked her to come to me in a dream and she did. My husband is okay. He was very very upset when everything first happened and was sobbing right along with me, but after about a week, he had put it behind him and was ready to focus on the positive things in life. He deals with grief in a different way than I do. We also have an anniversary coming up in a few weeks (our 4th) and it makes me sad to think that she won't be there to celebrate with us. I think about our anniversary last year and how we were so happy and had no idea what the following year would bring. Like you, I feel that our family is incomplete without our Sydney.

As someone else mentioned though, Joey would want you to be happy on your anniversary, and I think he will find a way to show you that he is around and that he is okay.

Hi Jess. Thanks for your message. I read it before we left on Saturday morning, and I appreciate your kind words, as always. How are you holding up? I'm glad you got to dream of Sydney. It is hard to celebrate those special moments when you also have a big loss to think about. Last night when we had dinner out, my hubby was flipping through the pictures of Joey that he put in his wallet. I was lucky not to start crying at the dinner table. There is one picture I love which is from the first few days after we adopted Joey, and I'm holding him up with one hand (he was our tiny little man, as we called him) and he's kind of sitting up on my shoulder and his eyes are closed and I have a big smile on my face. I just love to look at that picture, even though it is very sad too, but I hope he was happy and at peace while he was here with us. We miss so much about him. I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but Joey only had 3 legs! He had some sort of injury before we got him and they had to amputate most of the back left leg. But we also have a cat with no tail, and when we saw Joey online, we knew he'd be a perfect fit. He got around pretty well, kind of a hop and drag movement, and we miss seeing that. He did just fine for himself, even though he had that to deal with!

I mentioned in a previous post to Gossamerwings that there is a candle ceremony through another pet loss website every Monday and it's at 9 p.m. central time. I think they have a chat at the same time, but I am just going to do the candle lighting. Everyone will be doing it at that same time, so if you want to join in, there will be lots of good wishes going up to our little sweethearts.

Talk to you soon and take care!