Why Do I Love Sadie? Let Me Count The Ways..., grief, loss Options

[stephandsadie]

I loved everything about her... Her, my little Honey Bear, my Sardine, my little Kissy Buttons, my Ruff-ruff, my Bee-bop, my Boo Bear, my Fuzzy Buns, my Sadie Blackbeard. My soul-mate. She was nice to all animals; the only ones she didn’t like were squirrels, and that was mainly because they teased her. She was kind and playful toward all dogs, cats, people, small reptiles, insects... She was very much like me, in almost every way; when I first got her, she forced me to love myself at a time when I wasn’t sure if I liked myself or not. She was silly, sensitive, and liked to sleep a lot (like me) but was always up for a good walk (like me). She was considerate, kind, lovable, and easy-going. She was smart, curious, and had a great memory. She loved food. She was loyal. She gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, and she taught me to do the same. I loved her more than any pet I’ve ever had; there are very, very few people that I love more than her. I am suffering a huge emptiness, the saddest days that only very gradually get better as time passes. I will never love another animal more than I love her. I would give anything to have her with me again. I am angry that she didn’t reach her sixth birthday, but happy that I knew her death was drawing near. I’m glad that she no longer suffers, but anguished over the fact that she’s gone. I’ve cried so many times, for so long, in three “short” weeks, and I wonder when the pain will start to significantly subside. When she died, she took a huge piece of my heart and my fondness for life, a fondness that I didn’t really know I had, since she had led me to it quite gradually, over time. She was my best friend, and I want her back very badly. I could kick myself for all the times I stayed out late, left her in the car, scolded her... What I wouldn’t give for another day with my girl! I hope she knew that I loved her more than anything.

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[BabyHannahsMom]

I can totally relate to your post. I had so many different names for Hannah too. I didn't know many other people did that!

Also, I get so upset with myself when I think of times when I had her that I felt lonely -- missing some guy who wasn't worth anything. And like you, all the times I stayed out late, all the times she wanted to play or something, but I was too busy! All that time, I had everything I really ever needed in my Hannah girl. I don't want anything really anymore, except to have my Hannah back again. But I know I have to work on not feeling that way. It is the same thing -- I'm pretty sure most of us here on this site have people in this world who love us and depend on us for at least something, yet we long for our babies. I don't want to lose anyone else and feel that I was so bereaved over Hannah that I didn't give them love or help they needed. It's so hard though when our hearts are breaking. It's so very difficult! I miss my baby too. I'm sure your baby knew you did love her more than anything. I'm sure. I'm sorry that her time with you was so short.
Love,
Marcia