Unprepared, Unprepared for sudden illness and death Options

[Bronte's Mom]

Hi, I'm knew here and thank-you all for sharing your stories. My baby was ill, unbeknownst to me. Sun Oct 24th I noticed Bronte did not look herself. After visiting the vet, she was found to have an abdomen full of fluid. She had lost 7 lbs from her normal weight, however, it was hard to see from the fluid swelling her body. She never kept a normal eating routine and liked to eat from my roomate's cat's bowl, so I never knew that she had stopped eating. They found some sort of growth, I learned after was a cyst, growing on her liver. Multiple tests were run thet led her to her surgery on Sat Oct 30th. I missed all the signs. Bronte seemed herself until that first vet visit. After enduring multiple needles to drain fluid from her abdomen, and me force feeding her, she slowly deteriorated. She could barely walk, would not purr, and her vocalisation had changed. By Sat. I was convinced that surgery would save her. They held her surgery on Friday because she was too weak. Then Saturday morning rushed her procedure because she was rapidly declining now. She was dehydrated, could not maintain her blood pressure, or her temperature. She was 10-12 degrees cooler than she should have been. Afterwards she went into cardiac arrest twice, before I was able to make it to her side. I was told that mentally she was not recovering as she should have. Something else was going on other than a cyst. Her brain was affected. 6 days after I first noticed something was wrong, I had to have her put to sleep. I didn't even get to hold her for a few minutes before she began to have respiratory failure again, and the euthanasia shots had to be rushed. I held her and cried afterwards, unable to believe she was gone and feeling guilt that I couldn't do more. Also I felt immense guilt that I selfishly let her suffer as long as I did, not knowing that something was wrong, and letting her undergo surgery then life saving attempts of CPR. I'm still in denial. I expect her to come running out from under my bed (her favorite hiding place). I can't sleep with the bedroom closed, because she always needed it open to come and go as she pleased. And I keep her shampoo bottle in my room so I can remember how she smelled. Little Bronte was 12 years old. She outlasted most of my jobs, 99% of my boyfriends, and 5 residences. I can't even fathom having another cat after her loss. Now to make matters worse, a tech at the vet's office reportedly got bit so they have to send her remains to the county vet to test her brain tissue for rabies. I'll have to wait 3 additional weeks before she will be returned home to me. People look at me strangely for being so devastated by her death. But as far as I'm concerned she was my child. Does this pain get better? Thanks for listening. I'll try to get a picture of her posted soon.

[stephenson6]

Hi Bronte's Mom!

I am so sorry to hear of your precious loss. I myself just three days ago lost my baby of 15 years. We took her in as a stray and promised to forever take care of her. But like yourself didn't see symptoms until it was too late, listened to drs instead of my heart, and my baby passed early Mon morning 11/1 one hour after an argument with the dr who disregarded my request of adding nutrients to try to stablize before having to go for a transfusion. She argued that she didn't want any interference with the transfusion but when I asked for rational explanation she declined and said "I am not going to go there with you on that" - how rude!
I am struggling so hard with the fact that I did my research a few hours too late and that I listened to someone who didn't know my kitty...they wouldn't even let me be there while the transfusion occurred even to hold her, eventhough they touted ""preserving, protecting and celebrating the human-animal bond" (right on their business cards).
Her systems blood tested fine, but the 1st dr said she's fighting an infection, then the 24care 1st dr said probably some peritonitis is going on.....I've since found out there should not have been a transfusion with any sign of peritonitis.... but their only way they said to help the anemia was to transfuse.. they gave diphenhydramine without my knowlege but first and formost I was stupid to not ask about the risks involved and they neglected to advise me before anyway....I NOW KNOW TO ASK WHAT IS IN MY HEART AND DEMAND IT!
We are really the only ones that know our animals and we should be allowed to be a part of their healing...drs of practice that disregard our requests should not be able to practice... so my gift from my baby is to fight the fight for her and others in dire situations... give appropriately researched advice and to follow my heart!
I too struggle with what happened at the end...I know I will heal. I have four children, three other cats and three dogs and my husband. I have to heal for them!

But it is hard - she was my baby too....

You will heal. Do not force the healing, it will come on its own. Turn this into a teaching example to teach others about what not to do or what to do. I am finding that advising helps me. If I can help one kitty or one doggy live another day, I am happy!

It is really weird, but I have always had a super strong and crazy love for animals and children, and I always thought my life was destined to do good work for them. Maybe just maybe this is why!

Here was a prayer I read to my children and to myself last night for our burial of our baby - Stinker Bear - I hope it helps you too...

I AM NOT THERE
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

-author-unknown

My husband and I finished the burial late last night... when we finished a really strong wind blew thru for a few minutes while I walked from her gravesite to my front door (much stronger than when I walked outside minutes earlier)... I felt it was she speaking to me to be strong. For her I willl, for my family I have to.

Stinker Bear is with my doggie Bear-Bear who passed last year. I slowly healed from his passing....you will too.

Now Stinker and Bear-Bear are together as they were in life. Those two were so cool with each other.... He was really the first dog she liked and would tolerate his sniffing on her... oh yeah, that reminds me... this week my other dogs seemed to know what was going on....and even though she never tolerated these other dogs weeks before...Shia Bear sniffed all over her and licked her and she didn't mind...

Writing seems to help me heal too, maybe the more you write will help heal you too. You were a fine Mom and

God Bless!

Pamela