The End Is Near, Cancers winning Options

[Murphy's Mom]

About 3 months ago in october we found out our dog gabriel had prostate cancer. A week later we found out he had cancer all over. It has been hell watching him waste away before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do. We have him on steroids and pain killers but the last couple days it seems the medicines are not working so well anymore. I think we are almost at the end of the road. I watch him walk out to the yard so slowly limping on his one leg and wonder if we are just being selfish to keep him with us. But when I see him barking and trying to play with our younger dog, still interested in eating and just seems ok for now. . . how can you put him down. How can you end his life when he still has so much in him and I just cant. I know that it sounds I think he was still willing to go on as of yesterday but today. He just does not look well and I just see that look in his eyes that same one my other dog had when it was her time and it kills me. Because I am no tready. It is so hard to think about saying good bye but I think it is almost time. I never knew how painful watching cancer take a life could be. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. It is a constant rollar coaster of emotion. Thinking hey he is doing better today but knowing in the back of your head there is no such thing as better with this. He will not get better and it hurts. It just hurts. You know you grow up taking care of these wonderful creatures. The ones that layed by your side on lonely nights when the kids were not so nice at school and they kissed your face when tears were rolling because everything was going to hell at home and now they are the ones who need the comfurt and I cant do anything to help. I do all I can but nothing I do will make it go away. I know he will soon go to a better place away from the pain and the discomfurt. But I cant help but miss him so much for all he did for me for so many years. God is truely taking my angel away.

[LoveThem]

I don't know, but I feel guilty that I'm not crying all the time like I did with Lily.

Maybe your feeling of acceptance and knowing deep down you had no real choice for her....may be part of why the tears are not constant.

The tears are not over but maybe there is something different this time. As you said about looking at pictures and seeing the pain there. You gave her peace when there wasn't a cure and her quality of life was not the same. You were there for her and saw to it her pain was taken away.

We cry cause we miss them so much and yet I can look at a picture of my boy without crying, just a soft touch to his face and saying....I'm sorry you had to go but I was able to give you peace when you were suffering...and somehow I can do that without tears.

But if I were to just think of him and think about all the things he did that I missed...well, the tears appear and that's okay too.

Watching your pups will keep you busy and just remember WHY Hunny needed peace. Why doesn't stop us from missing and loving them but remembering it in its own way can sometimes give us some of the peace we need to heal.

Judy