The End Is Near, Cancers winning Options

[Murphy's Mom]

About 3 months ago in october we found out our dog gabriel had prostate cancer. A week later we found out he had cancer all over. It has been hell watching him waste away before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do. We have him on steroids and pain killers but the last couple days it seems the medicines are not working so well anymore. I think we are almost at the end of the road. I watch him walk out to the yard so slowly limping on his one leg and wonder if we are just being selfish to keep him with us. But when I see him barking and trying to play with our younger dog, still interested in eating and just seems ok for now. . . how can you put him down. How can you end his life when he still has so much in him and I just cant. I know that it sounds I think he was still willing to go on as of yesterday but today. He just does not look well and I just see that look in his eyes that same one my other dog had when it was her time and it kills me. Because I am no tready. It is so hard to think about saying good bye but I think it is almost time. I never knew how painful watching cancer take a life could be. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. It is a constant rollar coaster of emotion. Thinking hey he is doing better today but knowing in the back of your head there is no such thing as better with this. He will not get better and it hurts. It just hurts. You know you grow up taking care of these wonderful creatures. The ones that layed by your side on lonely nights when the kids were not so nice at school and they kissed your face when tears were rolling because everything was going to hell at home and now they are the ones who need the comfurt and I cant do anything to help. I do all I can but nothing I do will make it go away. I know he will soon go to a better place away from the pain and the discomfurt. But I cant help but miss him so much for all he did for me for so many years. God is truely taking my angel away.

[lynette]

This is the hardest time of day I think. Hunny used to wake me up usually to let her out, but for the past couple weeks she's been lying in the hallway just outside our bedrooms. She just wanted us to sit with her and rub her belly. God, I miss her so much. All I want to do is hug her. She was never a lovey-dovey dog, never kissed, but she had her own way of showing affection. It was so quiet this morning. For the last few weeks all I've done is lay in bed listening for her and when she growled or barked I just felt relief - one more day. I just laid in bed this morning and cried. I'm crying now. It's so empty without her here now. My other dogs are quiet in the morning. Hunny used to wake us all up.

Barney and Izzy hardly ate anything yesterday. And Izzy cried. And Barney was just a wild "child" yesterday. I guess he's dealing with it the only way he knows how. He's too young to understand (he's only 7 months). And Casey didn't have much time to get to know Hunny - only 2 weeks.

Barney knew something was up though. He would always rub up against her, try to play with her sometimes and then he would just go sit and look at her for a few moments. So, I think he knew something was going to happen.

I feel sick to my stomach. It's like she's just outside but we know that she's not coming back in. She loved being outside. She would just sit and watch the world go by. I feel so empty. My heart aches so much. I can't believe that my mum hasn't even phoned to see how Carly is doing! I talked to my sister last night - it helped a bit. She has a golden retriever too and they almost lost theirs a few weeks ago.

I guess I know in my heart that we did the right thing, but letting go is just so painful.

I love you so much Hunny, you too Lily. Now I can grieve for both of you. Lily - your death was painful but we had Hunny's right to deal with right away and we never did get to grieve for you as much as we should have.

I miss you both so very much. I wish I could just hold and hug you - just one more time.

Love you both.

Love Mum.