The End Is Near, Cancers winning Options

[Murphy's Mom]

About 3 months ago in october we found out our dog gabriel had prostate cancer. A week later we found out he had cancer all over. It has been hell watching him waste away before my eyes and there is not a single thing I can do. We have him on steroids and pain killers but the last couple days it seems the medicines are not working so well anymore. I think we are almost at the end of the road. I watch him walk out to the yard so slowly limping on his one leg and wonder if we are just being selfish to keep him with us. But when I see him barking and trying to play with our younger dog, still interested in eating and just seems ok for now. . . how can you put him down. How can you end his life when he still has so much in him and I just cant. I know that it sounds I think he was still willing to go on as of yesterday but today. He just does not look well and I just see that look in his eyes that same one my other dog had when it was her time and it kills me. Because I am no tready. It is so hard to think about saying good bye but I think it is almost time. I never knew how painful watching cancer take a life could be. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. It is a constant rollar coaster of emotion. Thinking hey he is doing better today but knowing in the back of your head there is no such thing as better with this. He will not get better and it hurts. It just hurts. You know you grow up taking care of these wonderful creatures. The ones that layed by your side on lonely nights when the kids were not so nice at school and they kissed your face when tears were rolling because everything was going to hell at home and now they are the ones who need the comfurt and I cant do anything to help. I do all I can but nothing I do will make it go away. I know he will soon go to a better place away from the pain and the discomfurt. But I cant help but miss him so much for all he did for me for so many years. God is truely taking my angel away.

[lynette]

Thank you - you're words are very comforting.

This morning was rough. Felt empty and lost. And had to deal with one of our other dogs mourning Hunny. Poor Izzy, we adopted her last year just after we lost Lily. She was wondering around for several hours looking for Hunny, even though she saw her leave yesterday. But I guess she thought that she would be back. She whined and cried, and then howled for a bit. Poor thing. I felt so bad for her. Izzy is special to us. She had a rough back ground. Infact, she was surrended by a puppymill June 24th. The day that Lily died. So could be karma!!! She's had problems but she has come such a long way. And I thank Hunny for taking her under her wing when she came to us. Poor Hunny had been sick the whole time she'd known Izzy though. But Hunny watched out for her. If she'd been in better shape each time Izzy bolted in the first few months we had her, she would have searched everywhere for her.

Hunny was a golden with an attitude. Always had to have the last word. Very intelligent. Would do what she was asked, but just had to have the last word.

I miss her so much. I miss Lily too. But even though the house feels empty and so, so quiet without her, there is some kind of relief I guess. We were looking over photos from the last month or so, and we could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. She deserved much more than to sit here and suffer just so that we could hold onto her longer. I wish she was still here. I wish she had never got sick. But I am so grateful that we had 7 extra months with her. Even then I wonder if we did the right thing. Was she suffering all this time and we couldn't tell? I hope not. Were we selfish in keeping her? I sure hope not. She was my pride and joy. Lily too. I hope they are both running around having a grand old time.

Tomorrow will be a better day I know. I'm taking the day off of work. I didn't have the opportunity to stay home the day after Lily left us and I hated that. I wasn't able to grieve when I needed to and for that I resent my job. I think they should have bereavement leave for our furbabies.

I will miss my babies so very much.

I'm sorry that you too have felt this awful pain and I am very grateful for your kind words. They help very much.

Thank you.

Lynette.