Death And Dying Pet Support, Anyone else like this after 6 weeks? Options

[kanecutter]

Since I work from home and own a pet sitting/dog walking business, my girl was with me 24/7 for the last 9 years. I fostered her, she was a very sad soul at first, neglected abused 1st 3 yrs of life. I ended up keeping her and loved her so much I wrapped my entire life around getting her out to run for hours each day and then when she became ill last Fall, all I did was work on keeping her happy, nothing else mattered.

I had to have her euthanized a little over a month ago. I wanted to die with her. It was the worse pain I have ever gone through in my life. During the first two weeks I literally could not stay in my own skin in the house alone...had to avoid the bone chilling absence of her presence. After the third week I began trying to rebuild my business and kept distracted that way.

Has anyone ever suddenly felt like dying again six weeks later? I thought after the third week Iwas getting better and able to work - concentrate on something besides the pain and emptiness. Suddenly, this weekend, I just feel like she's gotta be here with me as before or else I cannot function again. It's like the importance of life is gone. If she is not here, I'm in a pit and nothing can ever be right. Like I tried to function thru the loss and failed. Has anyone else thought they saw the light at the end of the tunnel and then suddenly it's gone. Just a dream that I could go on living. Suddenly, 6 weeks later I cannot go on like this unless distracted by a movie or by talking to people. Thought things would get easier, but instead it's suddenly worse.

Thanks for any input.

[kanecutter]

Thank you for your responses. It helps soooo much. I woke up at 5:30 in the dark. The first month I use to never want to wake up.
Now I cannot sleep more than 6 hours at night before I wake up thinking about her and needing her back. I tried writing thei AM, BUT i just cry and the pain is worse. When I picked her up she was so submissive. Literally crawled, they had her in some kind of closet, looks like she was just bred, still lactating. So sad, this was the dog catcher. She was obviously a hunter's lost rabbit dog. (Beagle)
But after 9 months of being tied up under the dog catchers porch 24/7 she had become like a robot. Would not even look at me for almost a year. She was so quiet and sweet but all she lived for was to track rabbits. Lost her many days for hours, finally finding her by her little chop mouth baying on a rabbit always far away, always on a rabbit. So I joined a beagle club and took her there every day to run. It was the only tlme she seemed alive and happy. I gave her the best life for 9 years. I had her put to sleep at the first sign of her Kidney Desease getting worse, I was so afraid she would suffer. She had been off normal food for 3 months. I would give her whatever she would eat. Usually some roast beef, next day liver & bacon, next day hot dogs, what ever she would eat which was not much. I knew the protein only diet would destroy her kidneys faster, but she would not eat anything else.

She would only eat something AFTER she went out in the deep snow to track "mice" No more rabbits, I was afraid she was too weak and would crawl under a briar some day and die there. So we did mice up until the day I had her put down. She was losing weight faster and sometimes trembling (pain sign) but she still wanted to track and dig through the ice and snow for those mice for hours.
It was hard to know she was in any pain when she acted so normal outside when on a scent like that.
She died in February. her last months were so cold and icy outside. It was so warm yesterday...maybe I should havewaitied for the warm weather. Maybe she would have done better without the 10 degree temps and all the snow. Thank you for listening, I will feel better if I can talk about her but there is no one in my life that Ican talk to about her. I live alone and I am so glad to have this forum to help me.