Lost And Empty With My Boy Options

[rottimum]

I had to have my best friend put dwon on sunday night, Jasper was a rottweiler, and so not like what everyone thinks when they hear that breed, I had him for only a short time 3 years would be 4 tomorrow as it is his birthday, and I guess that makes it even harder. The only places I would go with out him was to work and the doctors. We were always together! And now I am always alone. I am not dealing with any of this well I cry constantly, I hurt all over, cant sleep cant eat. And my family dont understand. They told me I babied him too much, well I guess I did, but he was mine all mine and I could do that.Even as I sit here and try to explain to anyone or noone how I feel and try to tell anyone how great he was, I just cant, its way to painful for me. You can not imagine how it felt to come home on sunday and find that my boy was NOT at the door to greet me, to give me a kiss and then rub nnoses like I taught him to-granted not many strangers wanted to kiss and rub noses with a rottie. I was horrified to see he couldnt move his back end; as I was only gone 8 hours; I carried him to my truck and laid him in the back seat-no easy task for a female with a male rottie going 145lbs. But I did, and to have the er vet tell me after the longest 2 hours of my life, that he blew out both knees in his rear legs, and that even with surgery they cant promise he would fully use them ever again, and then asked me if I lived in a ranch style home, nope an older two story home with steps in and out. They said he would never make using the steps with both legs having to get done, since he blew them both out, knowing he couldnt get around as he was I had to make a decision, and now I am sorry I didnt just carry him back home and I could of carried him to potty everyday. After all he did for me, I was in a bad place when I bought him with the hopes of having something to keep my mind busy, WOW did he, he turned alot of things around for me. He loved the snow and the summer to be in his pool, as I would garden or cut grass or just lay on the sidewalk as I sat on the swing! He gave me so much and yet I feel like I let him down. I was with him while he was put down, I laid on the floor right next to him, like we would when we were at home, and I held him and I cried and cried. And if that was not bad enough to try to deal with all that sunday night, I called off work the next day cuz i knew there was no way I could deal with plus I was to pick up his ashes, well while I was gone for his ashes my job called me, stupid me in my emotional mess I didnt lie when I called off work, and yes I stupidly told the truth, and yep they fired me! I was not a person to call of work, as I had a rottie who loved to eat and loved his treats; so I guess oh heck I dont know what I am trying to explain I am just so lost that i am pretty sure non of this makes any sense at all. I am sorry for taking anyone's time up!
However thank you for the space to try and explain how I feel and what I am going through!

Jasper's mom

[patricia]

dear jaspers mom
my heart just breaks for you. i truly am so sorry for your loss (es). i just finished reading your posts and i find myself in a puddle of tears for you. jasper was not just a dog, he was your best friend, your companion and your family. ive been thru this a number of times and its never easy. it hurts so bad. its a pain like no other. im feeling it right now with the loss of my fred. i felt if i could have absorbed his diabetes i would have taken it on myself. if i could have given him a kidney i would have. if time heals (which it does) dont you wish it could be next year already? i wish i could take your pain away. all i can say is feel what you're feeling and let what everyone else thinks roll off your back, talk to your jasper and dont worry what other people say. i know i talk to fred everyday. i listen to his song every minute of every day and i cry a lot. we have a special relationship that no one else can share. we understand each others language. we loved each other like no one else can. you are SPECIAL and dont you forget it. you will heal. you will never forget but there will come a day when the sun will shine a little brighter. i know it doesnt seem like it right now but it will i promise. im sure jasper has wrapped his little paw around my little fred and riley. and i know that jasper is ok now and he can run after my little ones. and they love the winds as they gently blow and they all pick a little spot where the sun shines britest , where they can rest. theyre ok now. no more illness, no more pain just happiness. and we will be joined with them soon.
my prayers are with you.
freds momma, patricia