To Be Posted Very Low On The Refrigerator Door, What We All Know About Our Babies Options

[Bue's Mommy]

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print
in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry
about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your
paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same
door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
canine or
feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I
cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:


To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1 Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

To all that read this, please feel free to post your babies pics in this thread. I love seeing them, and sure others would love to see them also.
Thanks

Attached image(s)

 

[Bue's Mommy]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally John was fed up and he yelled at the Parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I Fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, The bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?" Bue's brother, and sisters