Lost And Empty With My Boy Options

[rottimum]

I had to have my best friend put dwon on sunday night, Jasper was a rottweiler, and so not like what everyone thinks when they hear that breed, I had him for only a short time 3 years would be 4 tomorrow as it is his birthday, and I guess that makes it even harder. The only places I would go with out him was to work and the doctors. We were always together! And now I am always alone. I am not dealing with any of this well I cry constantly, I hurt all over, cant sleep cant eat. And my family dont understand. They told me I babied him too much, well I guess I did, but he was mine all mine and I could do that.Even as I sit here and try to explain to anyone or noone how I feel and try to tell anyone how great he was, I just cant, its way to painful for me. You can not imagine how it felt to come home on sunday and find that my boy was NOT at the door to greet me, to give me a kiss and then rub nnoses like I taught him to-granted not many strangers wanted to kiss and rub noses with a rottie. I was horrified to see he couldnt move his back end; as I was only gone 8 hours; I carried him to my truck and laid him in the back seat-no easy task for a female with a male rottie going 145lbs. But I did, and to have the er vet tell me after the longest 2 hours of my life, that he blew out both knees in his rear legs, and that even with surgery they cant promise he would fully use them ever again, and then asked me if I lived in a ranch style home, nope an older two story home with steps in and out. They said he would never make using the steps with both legs having to get done, since he blew them both out, knowing he couldnt get around as he was I had to make a decision, and now I am sorry I didnt just carry him back home and I could of carried him to potty everyday. After all he did for me, I was in a bad place when I bought him with the hopes of having something to keep my mind busy, WOW did he, he turned alot of things around for me. He loved the snow and the summer to be in his pool, as I would garden or cut grass or just lay on the sidewalk as I sat on the swing! He gave me so much and yet I feel like I let him down. I was with him while he was put down, I laid on the floor right next to him, like we would when we were at home, and I held him and I cried and cried. And if that was not bad enough to try to deal with all that sunday night, I called off work the next day cuz i knew there was no way I could deal with plus I was to pick up his ashes, well while I was gone for his ashes my job called me, stupid me in my emotional mess I didnt lie when I called off work, and yes I stupidly told the truth, and yep they fired me! I was not a person to call of work, as I had a rottie who loved to eat and loved his treats; so I guess oh heck I dont know what I am trying to explain I am just so lost that i am pretty sure non of this makes any sense at all. I am sorry for taking anyone's time up!
However thank you for the space to try and explain how I feel and what I am going through!

Jasper's mom

[LoveThem]

Unfortunately, it all does make sense...that the sad part in addition to the sadness and pain you are going through.

It helps to come here anytime and vent...you need to do that. Getting fired on top of everything else...you have really been put through the wringer.

No, you didn't baby your boy too much. You two have a special bond and love that is yours alone.
One has to have experienced that bond and that loss to understand how you feel. And believe me, everything you are feeling is normal.

And you are not alone in your pain. You will be getting many replies here because we all understand your hurt and your pain.

Keep writing here in your topic about how you are feeling, how you are doing, any questions you might have about anything that has happened.

Writing is a wonderful way of venting. This is the worst time of all because the loss and the pain of it all is so overwhelmingly devastating. We cry, we vent. What you have to do is whatever makes you feel better at the time to do.

Believe me, there is nothing but understanding here of everything you said. You are in the right place and will be helped by the different things each of us who reply think to say. You can reply back right here and we come back and check to see how you are doing. You are never alone when you come here.

You will get peace and healing but right now it is pain and hurt and crying and venting that will exhaust you and let you sleep.

We know all too well that empty feeling of walking in the door to silence. The hurt is so bad it is difficult to describe.

Write some more here until you are exhausted writing. Concentrating on that may help to fill some of the time.

Hugs to you. We feel your pain and it is truly tremendous. Because the love between you and Jasper is so wonderful and strong......it creates a connection that no power can break. In time, we replace the sadness with the good memories and that helps the healing. He is always with you even now, because he is a part of your heart and his soul is connected to yours and so he is still with you, his love and essence surrounds you and as an Angel, he is watching over you and if you want to write to him here....he is listening to every word you say.

Take care. I will be back.
Judy