I Lost My Best Friend Bun-bun.. Options

[george]

A few days ago we returned home after a few days to fine our family pet cat Bun-Bun having trouble breathing, we took her to the vet and quickly he said to put her down because of heart and lung problems. This pet was a family member for 17 yrs, a witness to the growth and development of our family, a family member who was alway there, always gave love alway sat quiet aside as we went on our daily duty's but was always there. I sweet face cat with a heart of gold. She touched our family so deeply and as left a hole in our lives. We regret doing what we did, maybe there was another way, maybe it was her time, maybe it did not have to happen. The entire family has been crying for 4 days, none of us can eat or sleep, or work, or go to school or work. We cant get over this. Maybe we made a mistake. I cant forgive myself for doing this to a family member. This was not our first pet or have we not been threw this type of thing before, it just happen so fast that I regret not giving it more time to develop. Our other pets all crying as much as the people in the family are. I cant bare to think of this as a mistake. I have tried to seek help for grief counseling but have not been able to find any.I am so pissed off at the vet and myself for jumping the gun. I don't know what to do..I failed my family. SOB why wasn't I given more time to think about this. Why can I have that day to do over ?

[george]

I spoke to the vet today and he was curt but through in his explanation of the problem. It wasn't the best for me but it was the best for Bun-Bun. I, cant say I was totally relived after talking to him but he did take his time and he did say over and over it was the right decision for her. It's tough to live with but I am somewhat relived to hear it again. I was able to get thru the phone call without balling.(some tough guy Hun ?). I felt so selfish thinking about me instead of her needs and feelings... it was best for her , not me..
I also felt that 10 days out of work was enough so I decided to go into the office for a little wile.
I entered my office and sat at my desk, people came by to see where I had been and I just said it was the flu, case closed.
One of the girls , I don't even know well came in and point blank asked me " who did you loose" ?.
I guess I looked down in the face. she said you looked like you lost your best friend. (I did) but I didn't tell her that.
About a hour later I got a inter office e-mail from that person with a message attached saying "you look like your being tortured with guilt" and a video attachment was included ,saying this is what you look like. I viewed it and it shocked me to see what people though I looked like. Stairs thru the door as if I where on fire or something. Did I look that tormented?
I have to put this to rest, I am convinced that I did the right thing. I love my Bun-Bun but I cant torture myself anymore. I must move on. I will always love her and will always remember the love she shared with me. I must stop crying. I know I did the right thing.
I would like to thank my dear friends Judy, Nemo's Mon, Jon730, Sisycat, Ann, Myhrtisbrkn, and Jasonson Mom for all the love and support they gave me, you have my dieing gratitude. I hope peace finds it's way into your hearts. May God bless you and your family's. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And Bun-Bun thanks you as well. She will always be with me, as long as I live. You all have a special place in my heart.
God Bless you all..
P.S.
Bun-Bun had a stuby tail too.

I guess this is what I looked like

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHAs5loKT2w

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