It's Been 5 Months And I'm Still Crying...am I Nuts?, Loss of my baby Wally Baxter still hurts. Options

[webmasterpdx]

My little dog (Bichon) Wally Baxter died in September. He was only 6, and I had to have him put to sleep because he had such terrible epileptic fits and he was having 10 of them a day.....it was time.

He died with me sitting on the vet's floor with Wally laying on my lap with his head resting on my arm, his nose between my arm and my stomach.....me telling him what a good boy he was, as he fell asleep and that was our parting.

I loved him so much. I've posted before with the details. He was my child as far as I was concerned. However, whenever I think of him, I either end up talking to him in heaven, and I know he's there as I have to believe that love that powerful is something valuable to God. If not, I want to go where he went :-)

Last night I saw a monologue on youtube where a guy was talking about his dog's death and he showed his dog's grave with his ball on the grave, and I just started crying again. I had to be consoled by my girlfriend. I found myself thinking about him again tonight and the tears were dripping (though this time I wasn't bawling like last night). My girlfriend sent me the photo below in email and it cheered me up and stopped the tears as I couldn't stop laughing. The dog on the left is smiling going "Oh boy.....what a feast!"....crack me up....see below....comments continue after the photo...



Well while that stopped the tears for now, I have to tell y'all that those tears keep coming. At first I told myself it's healthy to let it out. I'm depressed by other things too (been unemployed as an engineer for over a year now).....but it's my dear dear Wally Baxter that makes me cry. I miss him so so so much....it just aches. I don't want to get another dog in case I lose my home due to not finding work. I also feel that it's too soon and that I'll be "cheating" on Wally. I know that logically that doesn't make sense, but emotionally, I can't control that.

I feel better now that I've seen that photo again and that I've had a chance to vent here. Thank you all and thanks be to God for this site.

-Donald

[ann]

What a great picture. Made me laugh too. Yes, I remember Wally Baxter. Everyone is different. It takes time. I'm going on over 8 mo and let me tell you, I have to be really occupied to not cry. I cannot talk to my partner about Arthur, he knows I'll start crying and he doesn't want to hear it. So I'm still here. If I'm not crying uncontrolably, I'm trying to catch myself from doing so. Your not crazy, or silly, Wally was your child, your boy. Unfortunately a lot of people don't understand that. I chuckled when you said you couldn't get another dog right now, it would be like cheating on Wally. That's exactly what happened to me. Daisy was my soulmate and I died a thousand deaths when I lost her. 16 years passed b4 I had another cat (Arthur). I use to call him baby, I couldn't even get use to calling his name(that I picked out). Like I was trying to block something from happening. But it happened a few days later; I fell head over heals in love with him. Take your time, you'll know when it is right and you'll find love again. You'll find that feeling of cheating silly when you do fall in love with another. Look at it as a continuation. No they will never replace or be Wally, but it will be a whole new experience. Another to cherish and be grateful for. I'm glad you came back for support..Hugs. Ann