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> I Lost My Best Friend Bun-bun..
george
post Feb 13 2009, 03:01 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 42
Joined: 13-February 09
Member No.: 5,533



A few days ago we returned home after a few days to fine our family pet cat Bun-Bun having trouble breathing, we took her to the vet and quickly he said to put her down because of heart and lung problems. This pet was a family member for 17 yrs, a witness to the growth and development of our family, a family member who was alway there, always gave love alway sat quiet aside as we went on our daily duty's but was always there. I sweet face cat with a heart of gold. She touched our family so deeply and as left a hole in our lives. We regret doing what we did, maybe there was another way, maybe it was her time, maybe it did not have to happen. The entire family has been crying for 4 days, none of us can eat or sleep, or work, or go to school or work. We cant get over this. Maybe we made a mistake. I cant forgive myself for doing this to a family member. This was not our first pet or have we not been threw this type of thing before, it just happen so fast that I regret not giving it more time to develop. Our other pets all crying as much as the people in the family are. I cant bare to think of this as a mistake. I have tried to seek help for grief counseling but have not been able to find any.I am so pissed off at the vet and myself for jumping the gun. I don't know what to do..I failed my family. SOB why wasn't I given more time to think about this. Why can I have that day to do over ?
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LoveThem
post Feb 15 2009, 02:47 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2,171
Joined: 2-November 07
Member No.: 3,876



George,

you are NOT nuts. Losing a loved special friend is absolutely overwhelming devastating.

I am glad to hear you will talk to your vet. I was willing to make an appt without an animal and pay the office visit for the time if the vet I called did not have time to talk to me...but she did and it helped me a lot.

Spend some time now writing down your questions like: If I hadn't made the decision at that time, what would have happened to my girl? Was she suffering when I brought her in because of what you saw in her physical condition? What were her alternatives at that time? (Or were there any?).

After 17 years of being together, you gave her peace when she needed help. Think about that.
Read some stories here where the decision was made to bring the sweetheart home, and for some once the vet had closed, they went through hours of watching their baby suffer...and pass away. So many said they would not do that again....they can't forget watching and hearing.

Your girl's trusting eyes hoped you would do what was needed to help HER. You did. What other decision did you feel you should make? That's why it is good to ask the vet if there were alternatives, what were they, and what would happen if they didn't work..would she suffer..
I don't believe your vet would have said to let her go if he felt there was hope of giving her any kind of quality of life without suffering.

Of course your other pet is suffering. The vibes you and your wife give out are easily read by these babies. They are upset because you are...and they don't know why and we can't tell them.

You say you can't understand why you are feeling like this. We here understand why, George, because we have lived all your feelings and learned to survive. It is pure hell but again I go back to remembering the words of one Mom that I said before to you ....The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

We want them to stay forever but that is not to be. I have lost very young ones, and before the 3 feral cats born in my backyard, the longest I had a best pal was 12 years, and so when my last one had his 16th birthday, I was overjoyed and hope he would stay at least over 20 years, as I have read some do. But things started to happen a few months later and so he never saw birthday 17. It is all a part of loving them and having them become a very important part of our family..and we never regret doing that.

I heard about vet schools that give counseling over the phone but I know of none that really helped. This forum is where I have seen real help when given by the members who are honest and caring and genuine and so far they have answered you here and are still ready to help as best they can.

When you think of Bun-bun....just softly say to her...."I love you and I gave you peace...I could never let you suffer". Or, whatever feels right to you. That's what I say to my boy when I can't block out that last day. When I look at his pictures all over my home..in my mind I tell him...I'm sorry I could not help you but I know you are not suffering anymore and all I could do was give you peace.

With my boy, he almost died as a feral kitten at about 6 weeks old. His feral mom tried to get him to eat but he just laid there foaming at the mouth. She gave up after a bit and went to her other kittens. I looked at him in my back yard and got a cardboard box and scooped him up and although it was July 4th, there was a vet open around the corner and as my husband drove us there, I keep asking...What are we going to do with this "little guy"? That's how he got his name, even though at 1 year old, he wound up weighing 16 pounds for life. The vet gave him a shot, said he had pneumonia, gave me antibiotics and said if he made it through the next 24 to 48 hours, he would live. I kept him in my home and nursed him and he was a fighter and survived. This is an example of when we are allowed to help them and it works. We are so grateful when that happens.

We don't want to think there will be a time we will not be allowed to help them...the disease that takes over their physical body will be in control and neither the vet nor ourselves will be able to overcome that inevitable time. It is the worst in our lives because we have lost something called a special unconditional love that helped enrich our lives so much...we don't know what to do without it. All babies are special and unique but we find sometimes that we have one that takes over our heart in a different way and that one is the hardest of all to let go.

Keep writing, cry, talk and hug your wife, hug your other cat who cannot imagine what is happening except his world has also changed dramatically.

Remember your Bun-bun is at peace. She is not suffering. She is not in any pain. It was her physical body that was allowed to fail her......never you.

They do trust us to make the right decision and although we fight the thought, we know down deep inside...there comes a time for their sake...we have to let them go. I have never made such a decision without talking to the vet and although they always say it is our decision, they cannot make it for us....they can tell us afterwards..if it was their precious one...it was the best decision at the time. I have spoke to vets that not only make that decision for their pet but they actually perform the act themselves.

We know the love we get from these sweethearts is such that if they had to live through pain to be with us ...they would do so....that's how much they want to be with us. But we know that when you love a best friend...the thought they are suffering...is something we cannot allow.
You have a special girl that is a part of your family and your lives forever. We really want them to stay forever and they want to stay forever....but....losing them comes with time and we always do think in the back of our minds that when that time comes, we hope it is peaceful for them. We make that final decision with that in mind. We never make it willingly and we are many times unprepared for the tremendous pain and loss that will hit us.

That's why when we read others stories here and how they are surviving and they read ours and we share the pain that never goes away completely, we can find ourselves healing little by little, one day at a time. Healing doesn't mean you are over everything. Healing means the pain becomes bearable and we find ourselves remembering more of the good and happy, healthy memories than the sad ones of the final days.

There are so many more good memories...we have to teach ourselves to think of them when we feel sad and smile and be glad we at least have those.

It takes time, George. I hope your vet helps....I know mine did.

Judy


--------------------
LITTLE GUY - May 28, 1991 - Sept 10, 2007 - Always in my Heart.
His story: Section D&D: How do I stop crying? and also... My Boy is Gone Forever.

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Posts in this topic
- george   I Lost My Best Friend Bun-bun..   Feb 13 2009, 03:01 PM
- - LoveThem   Please do not allow regrets to overwhelm you. I am...   Feb 13 2009, 04:28 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (Love Them @ Feb 13 2009, 04:28 PM)...   Feb 13 2009, 06:36 PM
- - Nemo's Mommy   Dear George, I know the questions you are going t...   Feb 13 2009, 04:29 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (Nemo's Mommy @ Feb 13 2009, 04...   Feb 13 2009, 07:07 PM
- - Jon730   Please remember that a fear of suffocation is a pr...   Feb 13 2009, 07:50 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (Jon730 @ Feb 13 2009, 07:50 PM) Pl...   Feb 13 2009, 08:55 PM
- - george   QUOTE (george @ Feb 13 2009, 03:01 PM) A ...   Feb 13 2009, 09:15 PM
- - george   QUOTE (george @ Feb 13 2009, 03:01 PM) A ...   Feb 13 2009, 09:18 PM
- - sissycat   What precious pictures of Bun Bun. Look at the lo...   Feb 13 2009, 10:04 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 13 2009, 10:04 PM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 07:42 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 13 2009, 10:04 PM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 07:47 AM
- - ann   I am so sorry for your loss of Bun Bun. I know the...   Feb 14 2009, 01:52 AM
- - sissycat   Oh of course Bun Bun forgives you. Bet she is Tha...   Feb 14 2009, 10:28 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 14 2009, 10:28 AM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 11:32 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (george @ Feb 14 2009, 11:32 AM) Th...   Feb 14 2009, 11:38 AM
- - LoveThem   Thank you for sharing Bun-Bun's pictures....sh...   Feb 14 2009, 01:22 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (LoveThem @ Feb 14 2009, 01:22 PM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 04:50 PM
- - sissycat   TRUST She DID trust you. That is why you made th...   Feb 14 2009, 01:38 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 14 2009, 01:38 PM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 04:57 PM
- - sissycat   No way is she alone. She has all the other pets a...   Feb 14 2009, 05:07 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 14 2009, 05:07 PM) ...   Feb 14 2009, 08:35 PM
- - sissycat   I know that special love/bond you are talking of. ...   Feb 15 2009, 12:55 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 15 2009, 12:55 AM) ...   Feb 15 2009, 08:06 AM
- - sissycat   You can't get over it in just a few days. It ...   Feb 15 2009, 10:48 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 15 2009, 10:48 AM) ...   Feb 15 2009, 01:06 PM
- - LoveThem   George, you are NOT nuts. Losing a loved special...   Feb 15 2009, 02:47 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (LoveThem @ Feb 15 2009, 02:47 PM) ...   Feb 15 2009, 05:53 PM
- - myhrtisbrkn   George, I can't think of a single thing to ad...   Feb 15 2009, 05:31 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (myhrtisbrkn @ Feb 15 2009, 05:31 P...   Feb 15 2009, 06:39 PM
- - jasonsmom   You did NOT let her down, you helped her when she ...   Feb 15 2009, 07:37 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (jasonsmom @ Feb 15 2009, 07:37 PM)...   Feb 15 2009, 11:13 PM
- - ann   Helllo again George, I hope you get what you need ...   Feb 16 2009, 01:58 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (ann @ Feb 16 2009, 01:58 AM) Helll...   Feb 16 2009, 07:27 AM
- - sissycat   Yes, time------------ Your Bun Bun knew how much s...   Feb 16 2009, 08:36 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (sissycat @ Feb 16 2009, 08:36 AM) ...   Feb 16 2009, 10:30 AM
- - LoveThem   HI, George Everything you say, I read and just wa...   Feb 16 2009, 03:43 PM
- - george   I spoke to the vet today and he was curt but throu...   Feb 16 2009, 03:58 PM
- - LoveThem   Wow, George....I didn't know you looked like J...   Feb 16 2009, 04:25 PM
|- - george   QUOTE (LoveThem @ Feb 16 2009, 04:25 PM) ...   Feb 16 2009, 04:46 PM
- - ann   Hi George, Just wanted to let you know that I...   Feb 17 2009, 02:24 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (ann @ Feb 17 2009, 02:24 AM) Hi Ge...   Feb 17 2009, 08:34 AM
|- - Jon730   QUOTE (george @ Feb 17 2009, 08:34 AM) It...   Feb 17 2009, 09:09 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (Jon730 @ Feb 17 2009, 09:09 AM) I ...   Feb 18 2009, 12:49 AM
- - Nemo's Mommy   Hi George.... Glad to hear you were able to go t...   Feb 17 2009, 04:34 PM
|- - george   [quote name='Nemo's Mommy' date='F...   Feb 17 2009, 07:53 PM
- - Jules02   George, I just wanted to say I am so sorry about B...   Feb 18 2009, 09:42 AM
|- - george   QUOTE (Jules02 @ Feb 18 2009, 09:42 AM) G...   Feb 18 2009, 12:39 PM
- - george   It has been over three weeks now and it is getting...   Feb 24 2009, 08:31 AM
- - ann   Hi George, I'm glad the presence of Bun Bun ha...   Feb 25 2009, 02:17 AM
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