Lost My Son, Buddy :-(, Buddy's Story! Options

[Sarana]

Buddy's life ended suddenly in a month.
July 17th I took my dog, Buddy a husky / German sheppard cross in for a check up as he was not acting like his playful silly fun loving self. Thinking that it might have developed arthritis as he had trouble getting up and looked week. I thought maybe he even contracted Lyme disease as we're up north most days. To my shock and heart break the vet did a radiograpgh and found a 4 pound mass in his spleen. They advised me that surgery to remove the mass was urgent and critical for his life. With such shock and disbelief I agreed to come in the next morning to remove the mass and save his life as best I could.
Buddy was in the hospital all weekend recovering. The biopsy results came in as a positive malignant tumor called Osteosarcoma (a type of bone cancer. I couldn't believe what they were telling me. Basically all I could hear was Buddy had cancer and he was gonna die. I fought to get chemo to try and at least slow down the cancer growth.
Two weeks after his surgery Buddy was doing great. He was back to his fun playful self.
July 14, a day before he had to go back for another chemo treatment I noticed he was lethargic again and his tummy looked swollen and tight. In my heart I had a bad feeling the cancer came back or something due to the surgery went wrong or didn't heal properly. When I took him in the next day for chemo I asked the cancer specialist to take a look at his stomach area. He did an ultra sound and found that his abdomen was full of blood and that the cancer returned at such an aggressive and rapid speed...there was nothing more I could do but enjoy the time I had left with him. I couldn't help my boy. I was crushed!
Not even a week later he began to have trouble breathing. His attempt to breath became so load and such a daily struggle it ripped my heart apart. He had such a hard time sleeping and even finding a comfortable position to just to lie down. Only standing seamed to help some what. Basically he could breath and was fighting to do so.
Monday July 19th I took him in for a second opinion and maybe figure out a way to at least help him live his last days comfortably. I wanted to at least try and help his breathing until the end.
The vet did a x-ray of his chest to see why he was having such problems breathing.
She gave me horrible news.
Buddy had blood in his lungs as well and only had a fist full of lung / breathing space left. He was bleeding eternally by the second.
I couldn't believe me ears. My boy of 10 1/2 years was dieing at such a rapid speed I didn't know what to do. I was so devastated and scared I couldn't think straight, it was happening so fast. I felt like I was dieing along with him and that my world was over. I was going to lose my boy. The only thing I've ever loved.
The vet advised me that he is suffering and that I should think about euthanasia before he suffers a terrible death.
She was telling me I had to "play god and kill my boy". Well that's how I felt and that's how I still do. I couldn't believe I had to make this choice to end his life.

I knew I had to for him. I was going to do it either the next day or the day after but when ..I had no ? Oh god it wasn't fair.
The next day Buddy could even relieve himself, he could hardly walk or eat even his favorite steaks and liver treats.
It got so bad that morning he could even drink. He would try but he couldn't even reach down and even open his mouth to drink....that's when I knew it was time and enough id enough. I held on long enough. He has suffering to long and I had to be strong and let him go. :-( I was ill.

I'll never forget that day how he would stand in front of me and stare at me as if asking to end this pain..as if to say "mom help me I can't anymore"
I'll never forget that day I held my his lifeless body in my hands after the needle went in which seamed like forever.

Buddy died in my arms of Osteosarcoma (Bone cancer) Tuesday July 20th. :-(
Rest In peace my angel there's no more pain. I'll always love you baby! Thank you for ten wonderful years I'll always have you in my heart and always miss you more then words can express!
**It's been over three months and I'm so heart broken I don't know how to be without him.

This post has been edited by Sarana: Oct 29 2004, 10:56 AM

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[CheriAnn]

Hello Sarana,

Your story just tore me apart! I'm typing with tears, something alot of us in here have learned to do well! I also lost my beautiful Rachael to cancer. She never let me know anything was wrong, or that she was suffering at all until it became so bad she couldn't stand up anymore. She just suddenly became very weak one day and stopped eating. When I took her to the vet, I discovered her blood count was dangerously low. She had internal bleeding and I never knew it. By the time I discovered what happened, I only had 4 days left with her. By that Saturday she had trouble breathing and that's when I knew I had to help her end the suffering. That was just about 4 weeks ago. The pain is still very intense!

You and Buddy shared such a special bond, and that will never be broken. He will still live in your heart and memories. His spirit will be with you, to help you through this. Just remember that you gave Buddy a wonderful life! You did everything you could for him, and the final act of love, was to let him go peacefully in your arms. He felt your love and didn't fear anything with you by his side.

God Bless You!
Cheri