My Sweet Boy, Spunky, Just Died Options

[spunky]

I have a 17 lb, black, mixed poodle/terrier - 12 years old...and he died suddenly Saturday morning. His name is Spunky, 'cuz that's his personality.

I have done nothing but cry and sleep for 3 days now. Each morning I don't want to get out of bed, but I do because I take care of my daughter's two big dogs and a cat, and they have to go potty and be fed. I'll have my coffee and think of all the things I can do today. Go to the market, cook soup, straighten up this house, call a friend for a cup of coffee, water, put away the rest of the xmas stuff.....but then I start to cry because Spunky didn't bark me awake this morning at 8 or 8:30 - depending on how hungry he is (and he was ALWAYS hungry).

Then I'll cry after my coffee and roll 'cuz he's not here to lick the crumbs off the plate where the roll was - he loved doing that.

Then I'll cry because I don't see his waggly little butt walking away from me toward the bed, where he goes under (it's his cave) and takes his morning nap.

In about an hour or two I'll cry again because it's time to take him out to go potty and when I call him he sticks his little head out from under the bed and the bed skirt sort of makes a sort of scarf around his face - then out comes the rest of him wiggling and waggling and heading for the door.

This goes on all morning - the routine that doesn't happen - until I've cried myself into exhaustion and go to sleep for a couple of hours., and I never did get out the house.

My daughter and her boyfriend came over after work today and insisted I go out for dinner with them. I'm so glad I did.

My goal is to get out of this house tomorrow. I'd already made plans for lunch with some friends and I'm going to do it.

I miss him so much I can hardly stand it. He was my little guy - my little friend - my sweet baby,

Thanks for being here and listening.

[LoveThem]

I am so sorry to read about your boy, Spunky. It is so recent the hurt can be overwhelming. I agree with others who said your getting out of the house was good.

It is so devastating to lose a part of yourself..which is what these babies are. They are always safe in our hearts forever but seeing them each day was so very special and so much a part of everything we did and then when that is not there...we can feel helpless and lost.

The best thing to do is whatever feels right to you...what you think would make you feel better.
If you want to look at new babies and see if you find a connection...do that. If you want to wait a while longer...do that. Ask yourself what would make you feel better right now.

For me, after days of crying until I was exhausted, I thought about that question and I knew I wanted another baby in my home...I didn't want it empty. But as I started visiting shelters and adoption places I was wondering if I would ever connect with any I saw. I've always loved animals and wish they all had homes but I felt I was looking for something special but I didn't know what.
So for a couple of weeks I went back and forth to places to see the animals. Then one day I went into a room I hadn't been in before and saw a cat sleeping that looked like my Little Guy. I walked over to see him better and hearing me, he opened his eyes and I felt a shock. His eyes were so beautiful I loved looking into them (just the way I felt about all 3 of my babies I lost..all siblings with such gorgeous glowing eyes) and I still went home and thought about it and knew deep down I wanted to bring him home....and so I did.

Years ago when I had my dogs it was easier to find ones who needed homes without searching. Someone always knew someone whose dog had puppies or a person who was moving and couldn't take their dog, and one I found in the classified who needed a home (a puppy). And however it happened, it always seemed to happen the right way. I never regretted any babies I ever adopted. They all gave me so much in the time they were with me.

We never replace our special ones but we have room in our hearts for another at times, who needs a home and love at the same time we have an empty place in our home and we need to love back.

Grief is something we have to overcome and control it so it does not control our lives. That takes time. For me, I needed another baby to hug and talk to...that helped me a lot. Others can wait longer. It is all up to each individual. If something feels right to do, that is the thing to do. I truly felt lost when my home was empty for the first time in a very long time and I found that a little body who demanded my attention..was what I needed.

Some people volunteer at shelters so they get to see the babies and pet them but I hear from them they sure feel like taking them all home. But they say it helps to at least hold and hug one again even if it is only for a few hours a day.

In my case I was looking for twins because I had twin boys, black and medium hair, and big beautiful eyes. I know my new boy, Lucky, looks close to my boys and for me that helps cause it makes me feel as though I still have a little bit of my boys back when Lucky goes galloping through the house, a flash of black fur going 80 miles an hour.

I read your wishes.....we all have those, it's so natural. Take some deep breaths. Try to relax and think about how you feel and what would make you feel better and do it. Take one day at a time.

I wish you peace and healing.

Hugs to you and your sweet Angel, Spunky. Come back anytime and tell us all about him and how you are doing. Everything you are feeling is okay and very natural. And remember that when you are here, you are not alone in your pain as we still know it and feel it too. If we can share what has helped us and anything said helps you.....it helps us also to know that.

Judy