My Baby Girl, Squidge Options

[Emma]

Well, my darling cat, Squidge, passed away on the 28th December, 2008 aged 15. What makes it worse is that she was in perfect health until someone allowed their dog to roam the neighbourhood unsupervised in March, 2008. Squidge was asleep in the garden under the window, and the alsatian came into the garden and went mad at her. I tried to get her through the window, but couldnt reach, so had to run round into the garden to get the dog away from her. The owner turned up at this point totally unfazed and with no apology. Squidge had wet herself with the fright. Also her blood pressure had gone up so high, so fast, her retinas detached and from then on she was completely blind. She was a bit up and down with coping with blindness, but was happy enough, but after the dog attack, she went downhill over the weeks and months, at one point a few months ago, shed gone so downhill, the vet almost put her to sleep, but by some miracle she got through that rough patch. Id always doted on her completely, but after she went blind, my life totally revolved around her and i did everything in my power to make her as happy as i could. At christmas she went downhill again, i thought it was only temporary and went back to syringe feeding her and liquidizing nutritional concoctions id made for her. i really did think she'd pull through again but was planning on taking her to the vets on the 29th December to see what he thought. Anyway, me and Squidge went to bed on the 27th and she was under the covers with her head poking out, cuddled up to me and i had my arm around her and was stroking her til i fell alseep, i woke up at about 2am and was gently stroking her and she was purring in her sleep. i woke up again at 7.30am, stroked her, but got no response and she didnt feel right. my baby girl had died in her sleep. i swear my heart literally broke at that moment. All everyone keeps telling me is that she was just a cat and i should be over it by now or they change the subject whenever i try to talk about her. its like noone really gets that she was not just a cat, she was by baby, best friend and kinda soul mate all rolled into one. we had been together since i was 15 when she walked into my bfs flat when i was on my own there one day, wed hardly been apart since then and since i moved out at 16, this is the first time ive been without her. I just seem to miss her more every day. and i think everyone thinks i am going crazy. i knew this would be hard, but this hurts so much more than anything else than i could possibly imagine. i do have another cat, Mitz, and i do love her to bits, but me and her arent as close as me and Squidge. my heart constantly aches and i feel like part of me is missing and my flat seems to empty and quiet. its horrible cos whenever i was upset, Squidge would come over and give me a cuddle and cheer me up, and now im upset cos i miss her i just dont know what to do x

[Emma]

Thankyou so much everyone xx it feels good just to get it out! I decided to make a website with her pics and memories, etc, just to make me think of the good times. just a little personal one just for me to also be able to look at, remember her, and hopefully one day smile instead of break down. my flat is starting to look like a shrine to her and ive somehow managed to shut everyone out! i can prob count on my fingers the number of times ive seen my bf since she died, and i havent seen my best mate since the day she died. i cant believe ive been stupid enough to shut everyone off, but i just really cant be bothered to see anyone. luckily i think they realise that i prob just need my space at the moment. but the bf keeps trying to get me out of my flat and to put back some of the original photos i had up (on the day she died i replaced every framed photo with one of Squidge - about 20 in total) and also the shelf in my lounge got cleared and now had her ashes, more framed photos, candles and a small vase with roses. i know im probably getting obsessed, i think im scared that she'll think ive forgotten her or something. but i do actually think i am going crazy and losing the plot. its like she was always my first and main priority for 12 years and i just dont know how to stop that, she still is my main priority, but as she isnt here anymore i just dont know how to refocus myself. and when she got ill, she was always on my lap or next to me and i was at her beck and call 24/7 (even leaving work to check on her and getting up every few hours with her, etc) and cos i had to be so focused on her, my bf focused on my other cat and i think she, Mitz, now hates me, when he's here she'll spend all night on his lap, when hes not here, i'll hardly see her.