My Sweet Princess Chickie Options

[levchck2]

Where does one even start when you feel like your heart is shattered? Chickie was a birthday gift to me from an ex-boyfriend and one of the only decent things he ever did for me. She was a shelter kitty and couldn't have been more than 6 weeks old when I got her. She was so precious..immediately greeted me with the biggest, most pitiful meowww that her tiny body could muster...and that was the beginning of our very vocal and loving relationship. I always had at least one pet growing up..there is a part of me that is not complete without a warm, furry body somewhere nearby..but I have never shared the relationship that I shared with Chickie with any other pet. She was the yin to my yang. She was my girl. She didn't used to be nearly as social as she ended up, but she could be in a roomful of a hundred people, sucking up to all of them for special rubs and loving, but if I walked in the room, she was right there with me. I was 'HER' person.

We stayed with the ex for another long and excruciating 3 years. After that, we moved to a different city--she, her brother-dog, Levi, and I and got our own place. It wasn't always easy--I am VERY close to my family and we now lived 250 miles away and didn't know anyone in the city we moved to! but we had each other and that was plenty. Life was drastically better and we had so many fun times. They both kept me company and kept me from being lonely. They brought many smiles to my face.

Chickie was prissy from day one and I am not sure where she got it. She had such and attitude. She would announce her presence when she walked into a room--a soft succession of purr-chirps--"Here I am--soft and fluffy--who wants to rub my ears or tummy?"--tail held completely erect with a perfect little hook at the top. She must always have the freshest water-preferably with ice-and when the bowl was freshly filled, Levi must wait while she took her own sweet time savoring the ice water. She would share, he just came second. She had food allergies, so she had to have special prescription food that had to be kept up high so Levi wouldn't eat all of it. She was never fat at all--she looked big because of all of her hair, but she really enjoyed her food. Heaven forbid she could see the bottom of the bowl--she would let you know! She had the most high-pitched voice and loved to talk--her meows sounding more like a very high-pitched version of Booooo. She loved to talk to me. I could look at her and ask her "What do you want?"--BOOOOOO she would tell me and I would know what she wanted. She would always say hi to her grandma when I talked to her on the phone--Chickie, say HI--Booooo! Heaven forbid she come in contact with anything unsavory—dog walks too close to her?—she would shake her front right paw like—oooh, got something on me! Such a little prisspot.

She was as loving as she was prissy—she loved to curl up in my lap (or my husband’s if I was up and doing things) and make biscuits on our bellies—kneading her claws up and down like there was no tomorrow! When I would lay on the couch, she would curl herself up perfectly in the crook of my arm, giving me gentle head-butts and purring her head off. She also loved to stick her cold, wet nose right in my ear, purring as loudly as possible. (She is the only one I will tolerate this from—I hate anyone messing with my ears, but she could do that to her heart’s content and Levi is definitely allowed to give his polite, doggy kisses right on the tips of my earlobes!) When I was sleeping and she wanted attention, she would sit right on my butt and knead until I woke up and played with her.

Three cities later, our life was definitely great—then we met my husband. I told him when we first started ****** that we were a package deal—if he wanted to be with me, he also got Levi and Chickie. We knew he was a keeper when he not only accepted all of us, but quickly took to spoiling all of us—treats and leashes and collars for Levi and Kitty Scratch pads, catnip, and mousies for Chickie—he loves to go to PetSmart and get treats for them! Then, it got better, my sister moved to town—such a treat—if we were working late, Jennifer would come by and let Levi out and give Chick lots of extra loving. In the midst of all of this, we were also planning a wedding. Three weeks before the wedding, Chickie had an accident on the bathroom rug right in front of me—I knew something was really wrong—she never did this. She was always so good about using the litterbox. I took her to the vet first thing the next morning and had them do all the tests. I wanted to make sure she was okay and it wasn’t something serious. They had to keep her during the day, but I called several times to check on her and they were doing fine. I finally got the call from the vet—she had a bladder infection that they thought could be taken care of with antibiotics. Only one of her kidney functions was slightly elevated and they thought that was because of the infection. She sent us home with the medicine and mentioned that I might bring her in about a month later to see what her kidney levels were without the infection. She took the medicine and seemed fine. The week of the wedding was very hectic and I could tell she wasn’t really happy with all of the people coming and going and disrupting her routine, but she didn’t seem like she felt bad and she was still eating great and drinking plenty. One week after the wedding to the day, she stopped eating and really started going downhill that weekend. First thing Monday morning, I took her back to the vet and she had acute renal failure. Her body temperature was below normal and the vet told me the best thing for her would be to let her go and not suffer. The only thing that hurt more than letting my sweet girl go was the thought of that sweet baby hurting at all. I called my husband and he came there and we held her together, told her what a good girl she was and helped her cross the rainbow bridge.

I know she is in a better place, but I am a complete mess. I do my best each day to be thankful for the 10 and a half wonderful years that I had with her and look forward to the day she leaps into my arms again. Poor Levi was very upset for about a week—didn’t understand why things were so different and where his sister was. He also wouldn’t let me out of his sight for about 2 weeks, but he seems to be doing much better. I know the day will come when Chickie and God decide that it is time for me to have another special kitty, but there hasn’t been one yet who has spoken to my heart. Hopefully, the pain will become softer and I will be able to remember her without breaking down into tears—I pray the day will come soon—I need it. Thank you all very much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers and understanding the love that one heart can have for our fur-babies!

In Loving Memory


Chickie
April 1998-November 24, 2008

[levchck2]

Beth and Judy,

Thank you so much for your comforting words. I don't think that most people who haven't bonded as closely with a pet can understand the depth of our love for them and the endless grief that comes with their passing. I think that the thing that has been the hardest is the hope and expectation and subsequent disappointment every day when your heart leaps a little in your chest as you are coming home from work or running errands...a little part of you expects her to be there at the door to greet you, all smiling and purring and then you feel the letdown when your heart catches up with your brain and you realize that it won't happen.

I am still playing the "what if" game with myself...What if I had taken her to the vet sooner? Would she have had longer? Should I have tried to do more treatments? (I know she would have absolutely hated this since she couldn't stand going to the vet) What if we could have made more changes to her diet? Would that have made a difference? And then I look at the total situation and I know in my heart that I made the best decision for her--I have a tendency to over-&%^yze everything. Everything is compounded and clarified by other things going on in my life. I just made the 8 hour trip to my hometown this weekend to go see my Grandfather, who is dying from cancer right now...it makes you realize two things...1. How important those last times with your loved ones are, and 2. How sometimes helping your loved furbaby cross over Rainbow Bridge really is the most humane thing you can do for them no matter how hard it is for you. My grandpa isn't living life the way he wants to. He hurts and is miserable. I definitely wouldn't want that for my sweet baby Chickie.

The other thing I am wrestling with right now is when is the right time for another furbaby? I know I'm not ready yet, but will it hit me when I am ready? How will I know? I am also worried that it won't be right for another kitty--will I always compare them to Chick? Will I ever have the bond with him/her as with Chickie? I know the love is in my heart because I am just as close to Levi, but also, is it fair to him? He is 8 years old now and I am really not sure how he would react to a baby in the house. She was already 2 years old when I found him as a teeny tiny puppy.

Chickie was there for me for the hardest times in my life--really bad relationship, moving to new cities where I didn't know anyone, worries about finances, etc. Now I have an incredible husband (9 days before she died) and I feel like I am moving toward some of the happiest times..being settled in a city for 4 whole years! with a great network of friends, being married to a great man, hopefully buying a house soon (she would have loved having a lot of windows to sit in and bird feeders outside of her window) and eventually starting a family, but I don't want to do it without her. She deserves this too. The thing that I was most excited about buying a house was getting a yard for Levi and lots of room and special nooks and crannies for Chick. When will the pain lessen? When will it be easier to look forward instead of thinking about what she won't get?

Thank you again for listening to me ramble on and for answering so many of my questions. I really appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers.

Adriane

[goliath]

Hi Adriane,

Pondering the "what ifs" is something we all have gone through. We think if we can make some sense out of it that somehow it will lessen our pain. For me, all the "what ifs" just added to my grief. I could have driven myself crazy, and thought I was, until I came to a place of acceptance of what had happened. It's hard to envision living life in a happy way again when one we love so much has left this world for another. My Goliath was such a big part in my everyday world for nearly 11 years. When he passed away so suddenly, my world was turned upside down. I couldn't make heads or tails of anything and was hardly in a postion to make important decisions. Somehow I found my way to work through the deep sadness and grief, after I gave up on trying to find a way around it. I had to allow myself whatever time it would take to work through what I was feeling and take each day one at a time. Working toward staying in the "here and now" helped me a great deal. Though I will always cherish the past and dream of tomorrow, it is this day I cling to the most.

Perhaps in time you will bring a another special furbaby into your life. You will know when it is the right time for you. It sounds like there may be more for you to work through first before making a decision on what might be in your future. Each person is different in how they manage their own pain, grief, and picking up the pieces of their broken hearts. What works for some may not work for another. I chose to wait til after I was more at peace with Goliath's death before I brought another puppy into my heart and home. These little ones are all so special in their unique ways. There will never be another Goliath just as there will never be another Chickie. BUT, now that there is another furry love in my life there will never be another like him either, nor will there ever be another like my Gidget. I love Gidget & Browser each day and shower them with all the warmth and love I have in me to give. Goliath wouldn't have it any other way.

Much love and hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

Give yourself time Adriane. Your loss of Chickie is still in the rawest state. Keep coming to LS and share what is in your heart and on your mind.